One hot topic that always comes up is: How to Prepare your Child for a Baby On the Way. Our oldest was 19 months when #2 came… and #2 was 27 months when #3 came. It’s no secret that it’s a big adjustment when the new little one comes, but it doesn’t have to completely undo your world – or your little one’s world. Once your belly is noticeably big, start preparing your little precious one for their sibling. Here are some practical tips that really helped us have a smooth transition when our new babies came.
- Talk about the new baby casually every day, during normal activities. You would be surprised what even really little kids pick up on – they are sponges! When we were preparing for baby #2, I purchased a baby doll and a play stroller and crib. I let my oldest see me swaddle and soothe the “baby” and I would talk about how babies sleep a lot, cry a lot and eats a lot. I showed her how to put a blanket on the baby and change its diaper “just like her”. We played together and if we would play other activities (like grocery shopping or color) I would ask her if she wanted to bring the baby along. It doesn’t have to be forced, but just casual comments here and there as you go about your life. (“When the baby comes, he will take baths just like you – probably in the sink first, then the tub when he’s a little bigger.” “When the baby is here, you can show him how you sit in the cart at the store! He will sit in his carseat.” etc.)
Draw pictures. We would draw pictures on the chalkboard of our family – Mommy, Daddy, #1 and baby. I always drew a picture of the baby sleeping and with a hat on its head and I would tell her, “When the baby comes, he will probably be sleeping and wearing a hat with a blanket.” I did everything to talk casually on a daily basis about what the baby would look like when he got here – and believe it or not, the first thing #1 said in the hospital when she saw #2 was, “His hat, Momma! - Buy a baby doll and show them how to swaddle, pat gently, shush, etc. While I talked about this above, I would like to note that for some kids, it’s nice for them to have a baby doll so that they can also be a mommy, but some may not like that idea. Some may just want Mommy’s attention. So when/if you purchase the doll, do so with an open mind and with an attitude of teaching them ABOUT life with babies, versus wanting them to pretend to BE a mommy, if that makes sense. When #2 came (and #3!), they did not want to pretend to a be a mommy like me – they wanted my attention.
- Pull out those baby toys NOW! All of the baby toys that you have put away for when a new little one comes – bring ’em out! All of them – including the bouncy seat or bumbo or whatever it is you’ll use. Let your older child play with them again because if its been a while since they’ve seen them, they will probably think they’re new toys. So let them play with them to their heart’s content now and get it out of their system! By the time the baby comes, those toys will be old news and they will not constantly take them out of the baby’s hands. Let them sit in the bouncy seat until they are sick of it. Let them push their baby doll in the swing until it become just another piece of furniture in your house. The less “new” stuff when the real adjustment comes, the better.
- At the hospital, have someone else hold the new baby when the older sibling comes in for the first time – give big hugs and kisses, cuddle and THEN bring the baby over. This was some advice from my mother-in-law that I really valued. Life changes quickly when a new baby comes home, so letting your older child know that they are still very important to you and letting them feel secure in that is invaluable to them – and you.
- Have a gift from the baby TO the sibling, not the other way around. This can be anything. For #1, this was a Big Sister charm. When #3 came, we gave both #1 and #2 small toys from the dollar store. Letting the older sibling know that the baby is excited to see them is huge – and this way, the child who is doing the most adjusting does not have to give something away without understanding why. When they are ready, they can. Case in point, when our third baby was born, the older two were almost-4 and 2.5. While I was delivering, they were drawing pictures for the baby in the waiting room – it was their decision and was precious. And they sure loved the toys the baby brought with her! (Thankfully they never asked how the baby brought the toys with her…)
- Give grace to your children. When both (or all!) kids are crying, tend to the older ones first. They will remember and the baby will not. Help them feel secure and settled in a time that they may be feeling the opposite. This does not mean to give in to every whim, want or tantrum. This means that while they are adjusting, give grace. If you were going through a major life change and didn’t quite have a handle on your emotions or bodily functions, you’d want some grace and understanding too. You will know when its time to start reining in a little and when the older children are pushing your buttons intentionally or not. For us, that was just a few weeks with both “new baby” times.
- Give grace to yourself. Having babies is hard physically and emotionally. Dealing with older children while trying to adjust is also hard. Add a lack of sleep and it can be a recipe for disaster. Get rest when you need it – the dishes and the laundry and the vacuuming can wait. You don’t have to be alpha-mom days after having a baby. You don’t have to have a perfectly picked up house. Find a few things that help you feel more human and do them on a daily basis – for me, its making my bed and reading my Bible. You will start to feel like yourself again and you WILL get into a routine. Just give yourself grace.
- Remember that God created babies in a special way – to sleep a lot in the beginning and to be immobile for months! This allows you to still spend tons of quality time with the older child while they adjust to having a new little body around. So if you struggle (like I did) with wondering when you will EVER get quality time again after the baby comes – I promise, you will! And they will be sweet, sweet moments.
