Have you seen the Saturday Night Live stint called Really? Well, that’s what inspired my post today, but I’m calling it “Seriously.”
Since joining the mamas club of the world, I’ve been a lot more observant of growing bellies, sonogram pictures on Facebook and the minivan:car ratio in the world. When Matt and I had Caroline, we always planned on growing our family…eventually. In fact, we talked about trying again once she turned one. Turns out you don’t have a lot of time for sex when you’re a parent of a less than one-year-old, full time employee, planning a wedding and moving across the sate, so we kissed the thought of Baby Barry #2 goodbye…for now.
Once she turned one, we kept making excuses like “when she’s walking,” “when she’s potty trained,” “when she does calculus…”the list goes on and on, but we just couldn’t (and sort of still can’t) imagine me being huge and pregnant (and helpless…I totally was!) or having another little one in the Barry home.
We can’t be alone, right? Well, it turns out…we ARE. SERIOUSLY! I feel like we’re the only ones that have Baby #2-itis. EVERYONE we know with a two year old (slight exaggeration) is either pregnant or has another baby. Seriously? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? I can seriously think of SIX people (and that’s after two glasses of wine and some late night working) who have a two-year-old AND another baby in the oven or on earth. Completely nuts.
What am I missing? Why are my husband and I not on this train? Is there something wrong with me? Did I not get my mojo back? Is it still on the delivery table at Las Colinas Medical Center? Truth be told, I have to wrap my mind around getting it on with my man before the actual deed and even then when my pink pad has a flower I practically want to sleep in separate beds because of the off-chance I’m ovulating and we have another surprise babylove.
What if I was meant to have just one baby…is that the worst thing?
Why are all the multiplying families of the world making me feel like I’m inadequate with my one little lady? Is this what happens when we outgrow Teen Vogue and Cosmo and are no longer jealous of other girl’s boyfriends, make up and clothes? Do we get family-envy because we feel like less of a family when people say “When are you having another one?” Heaven forbid you say, “We’re not” and you get the “crazy eyes…”
Sigh. Lots of questions. No real takeaway today…just some insight as to how this mom is feeling these days.
Lovin’ our Family O’ Three in Austin–
Vanessa
I felt the same way as you for a long time. Most of my friends have kids that are 2 years (OR LESS!!!) apart, but we seriously weren’t ready. After my bout with postpartum, no thanks! I needed to recover from that sh*t. My husband changed jobs, I work…we just weren’t ready. Then, all of the sudden, when Trent was about 2 1/2, we were. Our babies will be 3 1/2 years apart. Perfect in my book! You’ll be ready or you won’t and either way is just fine. 🙂
Our main determination in having number 2 was not really because we necessarily wanted another but because we didn’t want our daughter to be an online child. I’ve spoken with enough only children, therapists and Don enough research to understand that, if possible, we should at least try for another baby. Our daughter I about to turn 4 and our son I due two months after that, and I already see ways in which she thinks the world revolves around her even though we try hard not to spoil her. That’s why we did number 2.
I have to defend my decision to have one child on a daily basis. It was a big decision to have her and we both agree that although we make amazing kids, one is plenty.
I never thought of it as leaving my mojo in the hospital; I thought of it more like PTSD.
I can’t imagine paying double the daycare, let alone double the therapy bills in 20 years 🙂
I definitely remember that feeling! I started avoiding malls and playgrounds once I realized I was the only one who wasn’t working on baby #2! At first, I felt so guilty. Was I depriving my daughter of a childhood with siblings, like the one I had? After a while I came to realize that while she may not have a brother or a sister to grow up with she will have something I (as a child of 5!) did not. A lot of individual attention. My daughter is four now and I do not regret my decision at all 🙂 Not one of her major milestones has taken the backseat to a second child’s. She is the light of our life and our motivation. I do look forward to having another child but not until I’m sure I can also devote that same attention tothem and their upbringing without taking any focus of my princess.
So I have a 1.5 year old and #2 on the way, but I don’t think you’re crazy … I grew up with a brother 8 years younger, and I am already over 30, so I guess I just feel like if we want a few kids and want them close together, has to be now. I guess I glamorize having kids close in age since I don’t have siblings near me, too…
I felt the same exact way for a long time. I always said my first child would be my only child. It wasn’t until we were sitting in the waiting room for my husbands vasectomy that I realized I didn’t want my son to be the only child. My son was 1yr old at the time. All these thoughts started going through my head. We walked right out of that waiting room !!! Sure enough my son turned 4yrs old and I wanted him to have a sibling. I waited till I was almost done with nursing school started trying and by age 5 1/2 he was a BIG brother! Now I can honestly say 2 is the perfect number and I wish I wouldn’t have waited so long between the two. I think 2yrs – 3yrs apart would of been the perfect age between the two.
I’m married to an only child and I LOVE HIM FOR IT. He’s never really needed therapy or acted like a crazy only-child . In fact, i’d say he’s ten times more generous, attentive, and kind than I am and I grew up having to share everything with my siblings or take care of them. It often seems like he is more adjusted than I am. I think it really has to do with how his parents were able to dedicate lots of time and energy to his development. Don’t get me wrong, my parents tried thier best and did a good job… but they just didn’t have the time his did and probably cut a few corners with me. I always wanted 3 kiddos growing up, but now that we are married, have jobs, have a life…i’m not sure 3 is our happy #. I think one could be a perfect fit for some families, maybe even us. V – don’t feel insecure about that. Be happy with what God has given you, cuz he’s given you such an amazing daughter. She may just be THAT awesome, that all your heart’s desire is filled by her and you don’t need/want another. xoxo
If something is wrong with you, something is wrong with me too : ) I am completely feeling the same way you are. I go back and forth with my decision to have another. I had some health issues after my first and it scares me a little to possibly go through it a second time. Am I being selfish? Does my little one need a sibling? Am I terrible for not trying for a second one? These are the questions I ask myself daily. Help!
Hi Vanessa,
I love this post as my husband and I are feeling the same way. Our daughter is 19 months old and it is nice knowing that I am not alone in this big decision.