I think I can speak for most women when I say we all had an idea of what married life, adult life, and parenthood would be like. Hey, I never said what you thought was any where close to being correct, I just said we all had our ideas of what it would all be like. Are you the kind of wife & mother you thought you would be? Is motherhood what you expected? Are yours/your spouse’s parents the kind of grandparents you expected them to be? Some times I think we are guilty of letting our visions of what we think things are going to be like get in the way of enjoying what we really have.
I have witnessed many women struggle with married life and motherhood in many different ways. It is very easy to get caught up in the fairy tale that life will be smooth sailing with an easy marriage, in-laws that you always get along with, perfect children, no struggles, etc. HAHA! Okay, let’s stop laughing now at how silly that notion is. 😉
I knew marriage took a lot of work, so did my husband…it is harder than anyone told us though. Don’t get me wrong, we have an amazing marriage, but we work like hell for it! Motherhood is the part that comes easiest for me. I am not trying to toot my own horn, so please don’t throw any daggers at me, but I didn’t have a hard time adjusting to be a mommy the first time around, it was the easiest thing I have ever done. The 2nd and 3rd babies were a bit harder for 2 reasons 1) They weren’t baby #1 and not in terms of being a good baby, they were all 3 amazingly good babies that ate and slept wonderfully but they weren’t the only child anymore and 2) I had post partum anxiety with #2 & #3. Now don’t get me wrong…I have moments when I want to pull my hair out and I hide in the pantry and eat chocolate to sooth myself, (don’t act like you haven’t done it too) but I knew those moments were going to happen. I think it helped that I watched my sister have 4 babies in 4 1/2 years and I watched those sweet babes ever year while her and her hubby went on vacations…that did a great job of breaking me in.
The greatest area where I had expectations and had to adjust was actually in my kids grandparents. My husband has quite the extended family, so between my parents and his my kids have 4 sets of grandparents. Don’t get me wrong, my kids have amazing grandparents and are very lucky! Each of them {minus one} completely balances out what the others do….one loves keeping them while the Hubs and I take trips alone for a few days, and the others keep them for us to have short or overnight dates when ever they are available. They don’t ever say no unless they genuinely can’t. They come to games, they donate to their fundraisers, etc. I am not sure really what my expectations were as far as grandparents for my kids, but I used to focus more on what one wouldn’t do that another did and compared them to other grandparents instead of just feeling so lucky for what each of them does and how great they truly are. There is just one I struggle with, but out of 4 sets of grandparents, those are pretty good odds.
I have told many friends and will most likely say it again….as I have learned to do in many areas in the journey of motherhood and married life, expectations are important, they must be realistic though and absolutely do not let them get in the way of seeing what you have and how great it is. Motherhood is not easy, don’t expect it to be. Neither is being married and nor is family. Now that you are a “real” adult it may be time to reevaluate your expectations to better suit reality and your life. What you have can be so great if just focus on the positive instead of what you wish things were like. I know many people that would be much happier in life if they followed that way of thinking.
What expectations did you have that were hard to adjust to? What made you see the light?
