I worry that the value of good manners are underrated. A handshake and a “good to see you this morning” should not be rarities from a child (or an adult), but should be the norm. Manners not only instill respect in a person towards another, but I believe they build character. Let’s review some old school manners we may have lost and let’s bring them back!

Raising Gentlemen & Ladies-AustinMomsBlog

My parents are both from Georgia. My father was raised by a military man and a southern belle who had more class than a Kennedy. My mother is Southern to a T, complete with “bless her heart” and “that upsets my apple cart”. No matter where we were living as I grew up, be it Alaska, Texas, or outside of London, England, high value was placed on manners. Even to this day if I accidentally answer my grandmother with “yes” or “uh huh” instead of a loud, clear, “yes ma’am” I may get a pop on my behind or my mother will pull me aside and reprimand me. I’m 31, but I still appreciate her dedication.

In my opinion, these manners are a MUST:

We MUST teach our children to answer an adult with “Yes ma’am” or “No ma’am” rather than “what” or “huh?”

We MUST teach our children to proper courtesy for stepping to the side when you’re entering a doorway simultaneously, stepping to the right when you’re approaching each other on a sidewalk/hallway, and allowing people on an elevator to come off before trying to enter.

We MUST teach our children to use “please” and “thank you”. You have no idea how rare this is to find!

We MUST teach children to help others by opening doors, holding it for those behind you, assisting people carrying things and always offering to help your host…yes, even at grandma’s.

We MUST teach our children TABLE manners! They should know how to set a table, sit at a table, use a napkin, request seconds, pass food, and wait for everyone to get their food before eating. They must also learn to stay at the table until the host gets up or until kids are excused.

We MUST teach our children how to greet people and leave people politely.

We MUST teach children about proper attire. What ever happened to washing up and changing clothes before going to a restaurant or movie?

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This is my husband demonstrating what NOT to do at the dinner table, lol.

The art of CONVERSATION:

I fear basic conversational skills are dying in our technological age. Kids are conversing with each other less and less and the art of conversation is lost. However, as they enter the workforce, they will be expected to small talk, build rapport, and network their way to the top.

  • Share the conversation, be respectful of other’s opinions, keep the focus on the other person.
  • Always be polite to the hostess. If they’re at a friend’s house, they should respect their toys, their rules, and play games they enjoy, too.
  • Never ask what something costs, how much money someone has, or brag about things they have.
  • We should help children define rude language such as “that sucks”, “that’s gay” or using words like “fat”, “retarded”, or “stupid”.
  • No potty talk!
  • Personal problems and family issues are not casual conversation.
  • Eye contact, sit up straight, turn towards the speaker.
  • Don’t talk with your mouth full and always speak loud and clear.

Being a GUEST at a playdate or party:

  • Always, always, always RSVP to an invitation. You might call the mother to RSVP, but you should also have your child do so with the friend.
  • Be on time.
  • Greet the host first and thank them for inviting you.
  • Bring a gift to the host.
  • Clean up after yourself (and others if they fail to do so).
  • If it’s a slumber party, teach your child to make their bed and hang their towels.
  • Include everyone in the games or conversations and try to greet new people.
  • Write a thank you note after or make a follow-up thank you call.

Raising gentlemen and ladies:

It saddens me that the days of Rhett Butler and Scarlett Ohara are gone, but we can still teach our young boys and girls to be gentlemen and ladies. My mama always told me, “I don’t care who you marry, just don’t marry a yankee”. Of course what she meant was, marry a man with manners.

Cloudy and Chelsea Vail

  • A gentlemen stands when a lady comes to the table and remains standing until the lady is seated.
  • Invite others to sit with you when you’re playing a game or invite them into the conversation  if they’re lingering.
  • Teach boys to remove their hats in schools, churches, restaurants, etc.
  • Open the door for girls, ladies, elders.
  • Stand when a girl enters or leaves a room and always stand to greet someone.
  • A boy should walk on the street side of a sidewalk when walking with a girl.
  • Turn off your cell phone or volume at a party, playdate, school, church, or restaurant.
  • Offer your seat to girls, ladies, elders, etc. if there are no seats.
  • Teach little boys about “ladies first”
  • Never use rude language, curse words, or potty talk in mixed company.
  • A gentlemen gets the waiters attention for his date or friends.
  • A gentlemen does not sit until the girls are sat, or his mother has sat.
  • A lady does not climb into a car with her rear in the air, she sits first, then scoots
  • Do not gossip or bad mouth people during conversation.

It’s up to us to model this, expect this, and teach this! Have converations about manners and redirect children when they slip. They’ll thank you later!

How do you teach manners in your home?

 

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