I’ve always been a single parent. When people find out I’m an only parent, they always look at me, wide-eyed with amazement, and say things like, “I don’t know how you do it alone!” I usually humbly nod and look at my feet, and say something along the lines of, “I do it because I love my son, and I would do anything for him.” But on the inside, I’m totally laughing my butt off.

How do I do it? How on Earth do you do it?! Yeah, being a single mom is tough, but you know what’s awesome? Not having to compromise. Ever. On anything. It’s pretty sweet being the only grownup in charge. Up until about a year ago, I was living in complete parental bliss as the sole dictator of my child’s upbringing. I would grin smugly as my friends told me tales of their husbands’ differing opinions on parenting. What a struggle! Better them than me. Suckers.

Then I met my boyfriend. At first, everything was easy and wonderful. As things became more serious between us, though, he became more comfortable chiming in when he didn’t completely agree with how I was handling different situations with my son. My first reaction, as you’d probably imagine, was to become defensive. How dare he?! I’m my son’s mother. He was just some rando that decided to walk into our lives and start spouting off parenting advice where it wasn’t welcome. Not cool, man.

It took several months of him timidly offering his opinion and me going into mama bear mode before we finally had a couple of really dramatic arguments good conversations. As it turns out, he didn’t realize how much it hurt me when I felt like he was questioning my abilities as a parent. And in turn, I didn’t realize he was never even questioning my abilities in the first place. It never even occurred to me that he was honestly just trying to be helpful. It also never occurred to me that he could actually have some good points, and possibly have a better way of handling some situations. I have by no means been perfect when it comes to accepting his advice, but we have found a really good and happy method that has helped us make room in our house for both parenting styles.

How did we do it? A lot of tears. Ok, they were mostly my tears, but I tend to have a flair for drama. There doesn’t have to be tears, though. For those of you who may be going through the same struggle, first off, I feel you. It’s tough. Second, I’ve got some tips for you.

Here are 7 Tips to Make a Blended Family Work

1. First and foremost, remember that your partner is here because you want them to be. You invited them into this craziness because you love them. The quickest way to convince someone that they aren’t important to you is to shoot down every opinion they have. But this person is important to you! Parenting is no exception. Take a step back and realize that by having this person be a part of your family’s life, they are also accepting you {and your children} into theirs. Just like in elementary school, no one is going to want to play with you if you’re bossy and closed-minded.

2. Realize that both of you have the same goal: to raise happy and well-adjusted people. Both of you are honestly doing what you believe is the right thing for your child. Neither of you is offering up your opinion with the goal of offending the other parent, so take down the shields and understand that you’re in this together. Teamwork!

3. You’re not always right. Oh yeah, I said it. Sometimes, believe it or not, your partner might actually have some fresh insight that is much better than you realize. It’s hard admitting it, but sometimes you have to just swallow your pride and accept it. Your approach is not the only approach.

4. Do not undermine your partner in front of your child, and always back your partner up. Too many times I’ve seen one parent roll their eyes behind the other parent’s back so that their child could see it. Real mature, y’all. Stop it. If you don’t agree with something, discuss it without your child around. Your partner told your child that not eating their vegetables would result in no dinner for the night? Back them up. Don’t rush to the rescue and try to mitigate the situation. Kids can pick up on conflict and use it against you. The last thing you need is your kid playing the two of you against one another. You know what that causes? Trouble in your relationship. Don’t let your stubbornness ruin your relationship with your partner.

5. Accept that it’s perfectly reasonable to have different parenting styles. There’s no need to really compromise when it comes to your beliefs, at least when it comes to the small things. I like to think I’m a much more well-rounded individual because my parents had different ways of handling situations, and I learned a lot from both of them. It can actually be good for your child to witness the two of you handling situations differently from one another. It’s a life lesson, really.

6. Know that you will not always agree. That’s just a fact of life, regardless of whether or not there are kids involved. Again, your parenting style is not always going to be the best. There’s no reason to point out every little thing that the other person does that you don’t like. Chances are, they don’t think you’re perfect either, and they probably bite their tongue a lot. The least you can do is return the favor. Choose your battles.

7. Most importantly, learn to walk away and let it go. If your partner has started responding to a situation, there’s no need to push them aside and take over as parent. I cannot tell you how much it helped my relationship with my boyfriend when I stopped hovering and just allowed him to be a parent to my son. And no, I’m not standing right outside the room with my ear pressed up to the door. Giving him that space and the opportunity to experience that one-on-one interaction has shown him how much I trust and respect him. It’s also taught my son that what my boyfriend says is just as good as what I say. We are equal partners, and he knows that.

Going from being the only parent to sharing the responsibility of parenthood is tough. It’s definitely a big transition, and requires a lot of patience and open communication. There’s no reason why it should be impossible, though. The most important thing is to make the transition a positive one, and to only allow just enough dysfunction into your house as it takes for your kid to grow up happy and interesting.

How many of you moms have blended families? What kinds of challenges did you face, and what solutions did you find worked best for your family?