Austin Moms Blog | Welcome to Motherhood... You Suck.

I feel incredibly fortunate to be among the mothers with a simple, speedy, and relatively pain-free birth story.

I won’t go into all the details, but the short version is that I labored for only 7 hours, pushed for a mere 7 minutes, and our boy was here. I know, I know. Obnoxious, right? Again…sooooo very thankful. While my son’s introduction to this world may have been a smooth one, my introduction to motherhood was a bit more rocky.

Like most new mothers, I had read all the books and felt like I was prepared for what to expect when I brought my bundle of joy home. Suffice to say that expectations and reality did not exactly mesh. Our precious man came home and was FUSSY. Well, fussy doesn’t really do it justice. All of my hours were spent in a struggle to nurse a hungry and angry baby who didn’t want to latch or have anything to do with my breast. I met with two lactation consultants in the hospital and had another make a house call once we were home. Ultimately, I entered into the numbing cycle of offering the breast, supplementing him with formula, pumping out the smallest amounts of breastmilk and then offering it to him in tiny little syringes only to repeat the entire cycle again. Throughout all of this he cried, and cried, and cried and I did too. I was angry at my body for not performing, I couldn’t understand why my son was so upset ALL THE TIME, and I was completely exhausted.

My husband was doing all he could to try to keep me afloat, give me rest, and provide support, but he too was exhausted and had just started a new job the week after our son was born. Many of our nights were spent strapping our son into the carseat and driving in circles around our neighborhood as it was the only activity that would stop the crying and lull him into sleep. We were both ragged around the edges, and frustrated. I felt like the universe had said “Welcome to Motherhood….You suck at it by the way.”

It was particularly hard for me. I was completely jacked up on the roller coaster of hormones and desperately wanting to seem like I had it all together. I wouldn’t categorize myself as having had postpartum depression, but I will tell you that my days were not full of sunshine and new motherhood bliss. I remember feeling guilty for not feeling like the moms in the diaper commercials. Why wasn’t I wearing a white linen gown and gazing blissfully at a fat, cherubic newborn? Why was I instead in the same yoga pants for days on end with spit up on my worn college t-shirt swaying a colicky baby?

Eventually we started to find some answers:

  • Our son was diagnosed with acid reflux, and the medication his pediatrician prescribed made a world of difference.
  • I stopped torturing myself over feeding him formula.
  • I became a master at swaddling my little man and found the perfect white noise sound track to soothe him.
  • I joined the Greater Austin Chapter of Babywearing International and began my love affair with baby-wearing and found a new way to bond and share the world with my son.

The clouds began to part and the sun shone on our little family again. When I look back on that rocky start I just want to sit down with brand new momma Lindsey, hold her hand, and tell her these things:

  1. This crazy surge of love, despair, hope and bewilderment is normal. Your body has been through a HUGE change, your hormones are all over the place. You will cry from happiness at how precious this perfect little life is, and then start to cry from exhaustion. You will cry for no apparent reason, and that’s okay too.
  2. Your baby is adjusting to this big, strange, new world. He’s not crying because you’re a failure as a mother. He just doesn’t have any other way to communicate. Be patient. You will learn what his little cries mean very soon and be able to soothe him like no other!
  3. Get the eff off the internet! Yes, the internet can be a fantastic resource when you find your community (and you will, hello Austin Moms Blog!), but for the love of all that is holy, quit Googling every single thing that pops in your head during a 1am feeding. That will only make you and your husband, crazy!
  4. You can’t spoil/ruin your baby. Do you feel better when you wear your baby close to you? Do it! Do you want to rock that baby to sleep at night? Do it! Does safe co-sleeping make sense for your family? Do it! Before you know it, that little baby will be an independent little guy and you will be glad you stole every one of those snuggles.
  5. Ask for help. Admit when you need help. It doesn’t mean you are weak or a bad mother. It means you are smart. So many people love you and want to help you and your new family. Let them. Also, you should consider a postpartum doula. So much of what was hard in the first several weeks was just needing someone there to support YOU. Remember all the things that you wished someone would come over and do? Watch the baby so you could shower and nap, cook some meals, help you with latching/breastfeeding questions, bring you some tea, etc. THAT’S WHAT THEY DO!!! These women are pros at supporting mommas and new families and helping them thrive. Check out Whole Heart and Austin Born to learn more! (P.S. if this seems like an expense your family can’t take on, consider skipping the pricey stroller on the baby registry and ask family and friends to donate to your doula fund instead.)
  6. Trust your instincts. You are his momma. You two just spent 40+ weeks together. You know him and will learn what is best for him and your family. Just because every other mom on the block isn’t doing what you are doing doesn’t make it wrong.
  7. You will sleep again. It won’t be like pre-baby sleep. Just let that fantasy go. 🙂 But one day soon, your baby will sleep for a 4 hour stretch! You will be amazed at how refreshed you will feel with a 4 hour stretch of sleep. Then he will sleep longer, and a little longer. Eventually the bone-numbing tired feeling will lift. Hang in there.
  8. Stop judging other moms by their Instagram feeds. Yes, your friend seems to have all her $%*# together. Yes, her baby sleeps alone, happily in her crib for 12 hours straight and never has a diaper leak. Awesome. Guess what? I PROMISE you there is another area of parenthood that is difficult for her. Maybe her baby melts down every time they are placed in the car seat. Maybe her pre-schooler won’t give up their pacifier. Maybe she has the awful task of doing an elimination diet to figure out what is upsetting her newborn’s tummy. Whatever it is, all moms have some cross to bear. We all struggle in some area. Comparison is the thief of joy, sister!
  9. Know that it does get better. One day soon, that baby that will only sleep when you drive him around in the car will snuggle down in your arms and drift off to sleep soundly. One day soon, that baby who has such terrible reflux will be able to eat without pain. One day soon, when changing yet another diaper, that baby will give you the world’s best baby laugh and you will cry at just how beautiful the sound is. Hang in there momma, it’s about to get so much better.

ArlosEyes

 

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