Why I Love My Husband MORE THAN My Kids!

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Before we begin, I adore my kids. If my husband is my #1, there is no question that they are my #1.25, #1.5, and #1.75. One day I’ll write another article titled “Why I Love My 3 Sons More Than Everyone Else EXCEPT FOR My Husband”. Ok?!? So just know that my children are loved, and don’t judge me, and don’t write a bunch of mean comments about what a cold-hearted mom I am. Now. Moving on.

To my husband….I tried really hard to keep this from being mushy and sappy (I could have gone SO mushy and SO sappy. Recognize that. Appreciate it. Be relieved).

So here, in no particular order, are the reasons Why I Love My Husband More Than My Children:

– I don’t have to get up in the middle of the night to nurse my husband (and if he were to ask, I could simply tell him “not tonight”).

– The two of us were an “us” before the five of us were an “us”. He came first, and in my opinion, he should remain that way.

– My husband NEVER says, “I pooped. And it’s really messy. Can you PLEASE just wipe me this one time, and I’ll go back to wiping myself tomorrow? (True story).

– I CHOSE him, and he chose me. There is something special about that. God GAVE me my kids. I was BLESSED with kids. I chose TO HAVE kids. But I didn’t specifically, individually, hand-pick each one, based on how much I just genuinely like THEM. I did with my husband (and I would again in a heartbeat!)

– HE is my voice of reason. The calm to my storm. THEY are my storm.  (Beautiful little storms they are, but storms, nonetheless).

– Quite simply, he is, and pretty much always has been, my favorite person ever. Favorite Person Ever is a hard position to replace.

– Picking up the stray empty beer can he left out on the back patio is much preferable to picking up the stray sippy cup that rolled underneath the couch, and is now full of hard milk. Do you know what hard milk is? Exactly what it sounds like. Milk that isn’t even liquid anymore.

– He is my teammate. My partner. We work TOGETHER to love our kids well, raise our kids well, teach our kids well, and enjoy our kids well. But it is HE who remains my partner…not them.

-He puts me first. They put me last. Oh, how they put me last! “Mama doesn’t need to pee, poop, eat or sleep! Just feed me NOW!” says my newborn (Was I that selfish when I was a newborn?? I mean, seriously).

– This verse from the Bible: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” No where does it ever say I am to become “one flesh” with my children. Plus….if all goes well…my little men are going to leave THEIR father and mother one day (mother…that’s me! Sob sob), and my husband is who I will be left with. Better make sure I love him best.

– “They” (the kids) have RUINED my already, not-that-impressive boobs. HE (contrary to what he may say) is going to be the one who is going to (pay to) FIX my boobs. Unless I change my mind about that.

– He is my best friend. They are my babies. My little loves. My responsibilities.  My JOB. Blessings. Amazing gifts, designed by God. My heart, walking around on three little sets of legs, yes. But… they aren’t my best friends. They aren’t who I go to relax with, laugh with, vent to, unwind with, and dream with. He is.

– Convincing my husband to take a nap is never a battle. He’s an obedient little guy.

– He looks at me, sees “end of my rope/going crazy/sliding right off of the Sanity Precipice” in my eyes, and swoops in to save. They look at me, see “end of my rope/going crazy, sliding right off the Sanity Precipice” in my eyes, and….they move in for the kill.

– He gave me them.

 

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Do YOU love your husband more than your kids?

 

 

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179 Responses to Why I Love My Husband MORE THAN My Kids!

  1. Anna August 25, 2015 at 9:37 am #

    I just love to hear a mother/wife say this and thank God someone put it out there. God requires an order to our lives and it does include our spouses being right there on the top of the list. Many blessings to your family.

    • Jessica April 22, 2016 at 7:46 pm #

      No. My son will always come first. I’m also biased as I was abandoned pregnant. However, no man will ever ever ever come before my child; even his father

      • Robin April 23, 2016 at 7:16 am #

        Wow! One unhealthy relationship. Do you want your son’s wife to feel the same about him?

        • Jo August 25, 2016 at 11:53 pm #

          Yes. I absolutely want the mother of my grandchildren to put them before anyone else – including herself and their father. The day I gave birth to my first child was when I ceased to be the woman I was a became a mother before all else.

      • Kat April 23, 2016 at 3:22 pm #

        I agree… I have an amazing husband, and I love him dearly, but if anything ever happened that forced me to choose between my children and my husband, I wouldn’t hesitate to choose my children…and, my amazing husband knows, accepts, and takes pride in that… My husband has actually told my children, “Your mother always puts you guys first, that’s what a mother is supposed to do.” … Your husband is an adult, your children need you more.

        • adg April 28, 2016 at 10:32 am #

          Wholeheartedly agree

          • E August 13, 2016 at 1:37 am #

            you can have many husband not many kids..my kids comes first and will always be first..

        • Christa May 18, 2016 at 1:36 pm #

          No way! Your marriage comes first! Our premarital counselor told us that our marriage comes before our kids! I didn’t agree to this at first but now I understand what he meant by it. Perfect example: my sister in law and her husband have twins. SHE has always put her husband on the back burner and is with her kids 24/7. NEVER goes out on dates with him and leaves the kids with a babysitter, has never taken a vacation without them (even if only for a weekend.) Guess what? He was lacking the attention at home and missed his wife and he went elsewhere and found someone else. Your husband was there first and in order to raise healthy children, you need a healthy marriage!!! I see some people are taking this article the wrong way. It IS a different kind of love, obviously! But ladies, don’t forget your husbands!!

      • Erica April 23, 2016 at 6:17 pm #

        Amen

      • Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 10:14 pm #

        Same here. Same situation.

        • Kendra July 2, 2016 at 9:24 am #

          Amen!

      • Alyssa August 28, 2016 at 12:13 am #

        I don’t consider that ‘abandoned’, because you are a grown woman. I believe children can be abandoned, they can’t survive alone.You aren’t a helpless being. You can survive independently. A baby cannot.

  2. Christina Lee
    Christina Lee August 25, 2015 at 1:12 pm #

    love love love 🙂 great article!!

  3. Cheryl Black
    Cheryl Black August 25, 2015 at 8:30 pm #

    Great, honest article Haley! I’m not sure I agree…but I don’t disagree either. Maybe they are just a different love. But either way – I applaud you for knowing yourself.

  4. Natasha Karstens August 26, 2015 at 10:39 am #

    Hayley,
    This is amazing! you have done an awesome job with this blog! not that I’m surprised! Congrats on everything you have accomplished!

  5. Shannon August 26, 2015 at 11:15 am #

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this! In a world that allows us to put our husbands on the back burner and gives us a free pass to “ignore” their needs since our kiddos aren’t so independent…I’m so glad to hear a wife explain why we can/need to love him first. Keep up the good work momma!

    • Lucy April 26, 2016 at 12:50 am #

      So important to put husband before children. Need to represent a united front and take care of each other. Kids will respect that and appreciate you more. This recent ‘trend’ of kids first is not good for anyone, especially not mothers

  6. Lucy August 26, 2015 at 12:45 pm #

    I absolutely agree. You choose your significant other and they are who you will be left with once your children are gone and move on to their family. It doesn’t mean you love your children any less. The love between you and your partner is what created these beautiful children. Without them, there would be no children to enjoy. I won’t go on because you said it perfectly yourself in a wonderfully honestly and light-hearted way. Thanks for posting this!

  7. Kelly August 27, 2015 at 7:02 am #

    I’ve been letting this article sink in for a few days. Something about it kept nagging at me and finally I realized it’s the need to choose. I personally don’t feel the need to label who I love more/less. Why can’t I just love them all. I love my husband very much and I love my little boy very much. I haven’t ever put too much thought into who I love more than the other. Why? I love them both. I love them both in very different ways. One is a romantic sexual love and the other is a mother/son love. Trying to compare those two is like apples and oranges. So instead of trying to figure out who I love more I just accept that I love them both equally for in different ways and for different reasons. I don’t think your children would appreciate knowing you love your husband more than you love them. Nor would your husband want to hear that you love your kids more than him. So why even go there? What’s the point? Why not love them all equally for different reasons. That’s just me.

    • Cassidy September 15, 2015 at 10:40 am #

      Kelly, I 100% agree. You worded this so perfectly. I am, at times, so frustrated when people continually tell me “Love your husband first, put your husband first, make sure your husband is taken care of first” and it almost makes me resent my husband when I hear these words. I love my husband in a way that I have never loved another person but then I can also say the same about my son because it is true as well. The love of a wife to her husband isn’t even in the same playing field as the love a mother has for her son (or daughter). Thanks for making me not feel like I am a horrible wife because I don’t agree! =)

    • Stacy April 20, 2016 at 10:05 pm #

      Kelly and Cassidy…YES! I have always agreed with your sentiments. After God, comes my family. That means my husband AND my kids. There is no hierarchy for me. I love them both the most after God, but because of the nature of my relationship with them, I love them in different ways. I have said it before and I will say it again. I don’t choose. I love them both (husband and kids) fiercely. So glad to see that at least some have seen this the way I always have. Nothing in my being can make sense of doing things any other way. Ever.

      • Josh April 22, 2016 at 2:32 pm #

        Actually in the Bible it States the order of love in different words. God first, Spouse second and children third.

        • Melany April 24, 2016 at 6:20 am #

          Would you please name the verse?

          • John April 29, 2016 at 9:52 pm #

            Ephesians 5:22-33

          • Amber May 17, 2016 at 9:12 am #

            Melany, 1 Peter 3.

        • Pia November 5, 2016 at 10:01 am #

          It does ….nd that is the way it should be. I love both my kids with every bone in my body. But my husband and I created them together to raise them to be shot like arrows into the world…… to succeed and be influential and one day create a beautifully healthy family of their own…. while my partner, my best friend,, my husband and i grow old together.

    • Lauren Ashley April 21, 2016 at 4:16 pm #

      I respect and see what you mean. I guess I relate to this article from a different perspective because I was an only child of parents who got a divorce because my mother prioritized me over her marriage. They never said that by any means, but I saw it. I knew my needs always came first (not wanting to leave me with a babysitter so they could go on a date, etc) and my mother always put me as #1. I would have gladly taken position 2 instead of 1 if it meant seeing a passionate, committed marriage because one day… I want my babies to be passionate, committed spouses (if they so chose that for themselves). So while I know that my husband and I are 100% committed to the well being of our children and always going to love them unconditionally, I can’t help but prioritize him first because our shared goal is our children and he knows at the end of the day… He will always be my main squeeze.

      • JustSaying September 25, 2016 at 4:17 am #

        It’s really so very sad that you could think your parents divorce had anything remotely to do with you.

        If your parents chose not to use a sitter or any other decisions related to your care, that doesn’t mean you were the cause of them not loving each other. I would think now as an adult you would very much “get” that we make our choices for our very own reasons that truly never have anything to do with anyone else.

        Basically, if your parents wanted it to work, it would have. Even if date night was after your bedtime cuddling on the couch. Or if they really wanted to go out, they would’ve hired that sitter or taken you to a trusted friend/relative. But they didn’t because they didn’t really want it regardless of your existence.

        More importantly, if adults can’t understand the importance of taking care for a child (who is relatively defenseless in a world full of dangers), often times with many sacrifices, then something is flat-out wrong with them.

    • Katie April 22, 2016 at 6:54 am #

      Yes! Kelly, you said exactly how I feel. I never understood people who feel the need to differentiate their love this way. I don’t love my husband as I do my children. It is entirely different. Putting your husband first doesn’t mean you love him more. I also don’t believe it is entirely appropriate to put my husband first 100% of the time. I mean if my kids are sick and need us home and my husband and I had date night, it would just have to wait. At that moment, the kids needs come first (and he would agree). However, if we have plans and the kids are upset because we are going out, too bad at that point our relationship comes first. Life is a balance, not a petty argument over which person I love more. This is a poor lesson for the children. Love is infinite and there is no need to cap how much we give or receive based on a person’s position in our life.

    • Synthi April 22, 2016 at 11:23 am #

      I totally agree. I had a hard time letting this article sink in as well. I love my husband & kids equally, just differently.

    • Tessa W April 23, 2016 at 10:51 am #

      I agree, Kelly. I do not lovey husband more and my children less. Scripture never tells us to love one more than the other. It just tells us to Love God then Love our neighbor. That is the only hierarchy. Sometimes my husband’s needs get priority, sometimes my children’s needs get priority and sometimes mine my needs get priority. Love is about serving and, sometimes, sacrificing our own needs. This includes my husband serving me and our children by sacrificing some of his needs during sickenss or when we have a newborn. It is normal and natural for us to seek to serve the most lowly and needy which, in a low of cases, means our children. My marriage does not suffer for this. In fact, my husband and I are stronger than we were ten years ago because we have shared in the gift of sacrificing our own selfish desires for the greater cause of meeting needs of our newborns and young children. What better way to grow yourarriage than to serve together?
      Love is not weighed or measured or limited. Time, on the other hand, is. Time must be balanced between our roles but it is a continually shifting juggle. And that’s normal and it’s okay.

      Another note: our babies do not “ruin” our bodies. Our babies bring our bodies to a state that they are designed to be in. We are not designed to look like 15 year olds for the rest of our lives. We are designed to mature and change. This includes stretch marks, looser skin , and *gasp* wrinkles. Why do people act like God made mistakes with that maturing? A mother’s body is just as beautiful as a non-mother’s body. Comparing apples to oranges. Useless endeavour. Childbirth and a post-childbirth body is not some major creational flaw. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is a sign that creation is working just as God intended. Being created in God’s image is just as much applicable to post-baby body as it is for pre-baby body. Nothing needs to be “fixed” as nothing is “ruined.” And our husbands shouldn’t know or expect any different as we are the only ones whose body he looks at. We would never say a 10 year old is flawed because he doesn’t look like a 1 year old, (what a ludicrous thought!) so why would we assume a 30 year old is flawed because she doesn’t look like a 20 year old?

      • Diane August 21, 2016 at 4:00 pm #

        The Bible clearly does tell us that we must become one with our husband! Not with our children! One means ONE. Before our husbands there should only be the complete
        love for ALMIGHTY GOD HIMSELF. Three way cord, no children there either. We are also
        not our children’s FRIEND we are parents not equals, we are responsible to be their LIFE
        LINE to GOD, their parents. Not co equals, not even once they grow up. Nope. Parents!
        We are entrusted with these children, to set examples and show our GOD how we have
        raised them to the best of our abilities. Children learn what they live, and go on to form
        their own stable family. Family counselors tell us the best advice for a husband to raise
        stable children is for the husband to love their MOTHER. This produces secure children
        and repeats itself. Simple. So the BIBLE is very clear about the relationship between man
        and wife.

    • Nikki D April 24, 2016 at 8:38 am #

      I couldn’t agree more with what you’re saying. The love you have for your partner and children are totally different, and shouldn’t even be compared.

    • Cynthia May 20, 2016 at 4:31 am #

      Yes! Who ranks their love? That is a sad and manipulative action. So glad you posted this beautiful comment bc I couldn’t have said it that well.

    • Spring June 10, 2016 at 5:30 pm #

      Totally agree! You spoke my thoughts perfectly!

  8. Hannah August 27, 2015 at 9:03 am #

    Love this quirky and oh so true article! I definitely giggled at the boobs factor being a reason because my guy and I have had many conversations about that one! I agree completely that he is my favorite person, while my son is an extremely close second!

    • Anonymous April 22, 2016 at 2:42 am #

      Agree!!!!!

  9. Tiffany August 27, 2015 at 1:12 pm #

    Omg! I really don’t know what to say to this.. But…
    My husband and I very close best friends and that will forever be NO matter WHAT. However my children are and will forever be my #1. They come first before myself and husband.
    My children our always served to eat first before my husband I make sure I’m last as this is what a mother and wife dose. My children’s needs are always before my husbands. Then him and then me (if and only if I need something, and only if its something I have to have.)
    To feel that YOUR baby is selfish because he/she needs to eat in the middle of the night is a poor statement and sick way of thinking, “oh I love my husband more because he doesn’t ask to eat like the baby dose in the middle of the night”. Holy cow lady ! Why did you have children?
    To feel that your husband come first so his needs need to be first is selfish.. You need to wake up… It’s not 2 anymore it’s 5 now! “Were” is in the past… “Now” is now.. You will never be just the 2 because you have 3 more! Those kids are a part of you and your husband. I am so sad for your children, get over it! Be a mother and get the idea of that it still just me and my husband out your head… Your living in a fantsy would and your children need you!! Omg your so selfish lady… Better yet get you husband out of your ass and wake up! You children need you!!!!! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY KIDS MORE THAN MY HUSBAND!!!

    • Anonymous September 1, 2015 at 10:07 pm #

      Tiffany, first of all *does, *you’re, *fantasy…second of all, you are the reason that children these days are privileged little assholes.

      • Anonymous September 3, 2015 at 12:43 pm #

        Omg ?? thank you so much for this!

      • Anonymous September 5, 2015 at 11:04 am #

        Hahahhaa YES!! ??? someone obviously can’t take a joke… I have a feeling she was being a bit sarcastic when she said her baby was selfish (although, as a mom who got up 3 times, with my son last night– my goodness I hope I wasn’t so selfish as a baby either!) and why should mom ALWAYS get the short stick, how can you properly take care of anyone else if you aren’t taking care of yourself?

      • Natalie May 14, 2016 at 9:00 pm #

        I agree Kelly. I have such gratitude for my husband, but cannot place him above my son, or my son above my husband. My son even asked me one time. It was a great question, but I told him outright that it’s impossible to answer. Same as not being able to say I love my own parents more, or less. And they gave me life! Does the writer even know what she would say if one of her children asked this of her, because children say the darnedest things right? Would she lie in response? How would this truth feel to her children. And would this be a teaching moment for her children – you need to decide who deserves your love the most? I’m just a human being surrounded multigenerationally by great family, all of whom I love equally – differently of course, but love isn’t an emotion to measure and compare between one person and another. That is a simple thing. That’s the beauty, and heartache of love. I will say if my husband died, I may find someone – choose someone – to love again. If my son died, that’s it. My little beating heart. That may be at the core of it when women say they’d put their children first. What about when the writer is old and leaking? When her children need to help her function in the day to day. Or maybe don’t worry, their bigger love for someone else who does more for them now releases them from responsibility of having to take care of her. So all good, at least the writer will understand.

      • Meaghen June 22, 2016 at 5:58 pm #

        OMG!!!!! Dying over here…privileged little assholes is an understatement. I teach Kindergarten-1st grade…and yes…these parents have the WORST kids. Parents need to stop putting their kids first and allow them to be independent! They have no idea how enabling is truly harming their children.

        I loved this article. Great read.

        • Jammie August 27, 2016 at 10:28 pm #

          These parents are the worst? Generalize much? Ive been married to my husband for 17 years. I have always, and will always put mu children first. I balance my life the way I am most happy. I dont have many wants or needs. I love to my family happy. Our children, are not entitled. They are smart, straight A students with perfect attendance, proper manners, friends galore, responsible, and poliet children. My son is a shopmore and my daughter is in 7th grade. My husband and i live out of state, away from grandparents to help. We do it all together. So for you to Generalize, and say these parents make the worst children… look harder! There are good ones out there. Its how you parent, and values you teach. Its MY decision to put myself on the back burner… been doing it for 19 years and im just as happy today as I was the day I said “I Do”.

    • Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 12:46 am #

      Let. Me know if your still married in 10 years!

      • Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 8:35 am #

        Amen to that!

      • Anonymous April 22, 2016 at 3:38 am #

        Seriously doubt it!! Lol.

    • Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 8:41 am #

      Did your sense of humor disappear when you gave birth?

      Kids are tough. Parenting is tough. Marriage is tough. But like Hayley said, I chose my husband. I didn’t get to choose my child. I love them both but sometimes, I prefer one over the other when they’re being strong-willed or just a$$ hats. My marriage is very important to me and hopefully, God willing, my husband will still be by my side when my son chooses to go off to college, get married or to just leave home and go out to see the world on his own. So yes, sometimes, my marriage does need to be nurtured and I shouldn’t, nor should anyone else, be shamed for that. When children ALWAYS come first, they become adults who have a sense of entitlement, who thinks the world and everyone in it owes them something. I refuse for my child to be that adult, if I can do something to prevent it.

    • Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 9:19 pm #

      Tiffany, honey, it’s pretty clear to any adult that this was just a funny, cute way to express her love for her husband. The immaturity spewing from your response explains where you’re coming from but you need to relax. Also, telling people you put yourself last and do nothing for yourself doesn’t make you seem like a better mother, just a bit nutty. You could probably use some ‘you’ time.

    • Lauren April 21, 2016 at 9:55 pm #

      Wow. I think chill pills are in order. If you couldn’t sense the humor in this blog, then you totally missed read it. And btw, she did ask to keep the negative comments to yourself. Don’t like what you are reading? then close the blog and move on…

    • Caitlin April 22, 2016 at 12:56 am #

      Dear Tiffany,

      You are *literally* the worst and you can’t spell for shi*. Maybe you should put you needs first – like the need to go back to school for a basic education. Until then, maybe grace the comment section with your name a little less.

      Sincerely,

      Everyone who read your barf-inducing comment

      • Mommy of 1 May 14, 2016 at 10:58 pm #

        Dear Caitlin,

        It should say Maybe you should put your needs first not…. Maybe you should put you needs first – like the need to go back to school for a basic education…. Maybe you should go back to school for your basic education also! Until then, maybe grace the comment section with your name a little less. Hahahaha

        Sincerely,

        Everyone who read your barf-inducing comment

    • Jessie April 22, 2016 at 6:12 am #

      Couldn’t agree more with the comments below. If you dont see this woman’s point then you are ignorant. I’m sad for your (possibly ex) husband and your children. It’s not healthy to always put your children first. They will grow to think the world revolves around them and they will grow to not respect you. But, hey, this is just how I see it. I do, also, think that your comment was completely disrespectful, and I’m sure there’s more where that came from that your kids pick up on. Maybe you need to see things from a different perspective.

    • Pieter April 22, 2016 at 2:17 pm #

      Exactly…kids are blood. Her husband will always be a potential ex husband.

      • Caren October 12, 2016 at 8:14 am #

        If you think of your partner as a potential ex. Maybe he should already be one. That has got to be one if the most self sabotaging relationship statements I have ever heard. And I have been divorced for 6 years!

    • Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 10:50 pm #

      And this is why the world is full of entitled little assholes and the divorce rate is so high. They go together. And, lighten up. She doesn’t actually love her kids less because they leave their milk under the couch to rot. It’s called sarcasm and good humor. Putting your kids needs first all the time is a Terrible idea and teaches them that they are the center of the universe. New flash…that’s doesn’t make a well adjusted adult, or a polite child. You think you are doing them a favor and being a good parent when it’s quite the opposite. And you certainly my aren’t being a good spouse.

  10. Hayley
    Hayley August 27, 2015 at 2:37 pm #

    Miss Tiffany,

    The comment about my newborn was intended to be funny. As were several other remarks sprinkled throughout the post. I am pretty confident most of our readers understood that. I’m sorry you did not. No worries. Everyone has their own brand of humor. Cheers!

    • Ashley April 21, 2016 at 2:21 am #

      I absolutely agree with this blog!!! Finally, someone who understands when I say this.

  11. Lindsay
    Lindsay August 27, 2015 at 3:26 pm #

    I just can’t with some of these comments.

    I can see how many people may disagree. Although I don’t disagree, I don’t completely agree, either. But that’s also because I’m coming into marriage as someone who was a single parent for several years. Of course my son comes first. I am marrying the man I’m marrying because I love him, and so does my son. In my eyes, my son’s best interests do come first. So as far as that goes, I do agree with Tiffany’s comment above.

    Where I disagree with Tiffany’s comment is when it comes to her antiquated way of thinking in regards to whose needs are the most important. Putting yourself last is not good for anyone in your family. Not your kids, not your husband, and especially not you. In our family, we all eat together, because I believe a family meal eaten all together is the most important time we have together. Why would I teach my son that any one member of our family is less important than the other? We all contribute to one another’s needs.

    Although I do not love my fiance any more or less than my son, I can totally see your point here, Hayley. At some point, it will be just you and your husband again. If you do not continue to nurture that relationship through the years of infants, toddlers, adolescents, and teenagers, then you’ll never survive the empty nest years. Bravo to you, Hayley, for bringing that point to light! And thank you for doing it with humor, even if not everyone seems to have picked up on it.

    And don’t lie. You know Nason’s boobs haven’t been the same since those boys were born, either.

  12. bL August 27, 2015 at 4:25 pm #

    I’m pretty sure that all of the folks who’ve commented here completely missed your point. I get it – I love my husband more than my kids too. Because if I didn’t, it would all fall apart. If I didn’t love him more then I would put all effort and focus on them. If I didn’t love him more all of the times that he didn’t do whatever it is that I thought he should do, would dwell in my head and make me crazy-mad and lead to an epic rage.

    Instead I love him more because I can’t be the best me if I don’t have him there to love me, to make me the BEST me, to make our kiddos the best that they can be. I would give up everything for my children – do not get me wrong. I want them to have EVERYTHING that I never had.

    God chose him for me and me for him. And beyond being good parents – we can, because we dearly love each other, model a healthy relationship for our children. Show them and grow them.

  13. Betsy August 29, 2015 at 9:13 am #

    I had to think about this post for a bit to figure out how I felt about it. The thing is, I feel exactly the opposite–my kids are and probably will always be, my number ones. I love my kids more.

    It’s hard not to read a post like this and feel defensive, like WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?!! are you a better wife? Do you have a stronger relationship? Or maybe I’m a better mother? But the truth is, it probably doesn’t mean very much. I bet we both go to our babies when they are crying and I bet we both love having dates with our husbands. And honestly, it’s really not a choice who we love or how much we love them. I couldn’t love my kids less than my husband even if I wanted to. It just is.

    I will say that I grew up with parents like you and your husband and they have a relationship I will envy forever. They are so so in love. And I never felt neglected in any way that they put each other first.

    Anyways, loved your post even if I feel differently. It was funny and heartfelt and honest. Great job! 🙂

  14. Renee August 30, 2015 at 1:27 am #

    I know what hard milk is. I’ve had to throw away a few sippy cups of hard milk! I won’t say I love hubs more than my girls or that I love my girls more than the hubs. I love them differently. I will say this for everyone that says they put their kiddos first and love them more, they will leave you one day. They will walk out your front door to their own lives and you’re going to be left with your husband. Better make sure you continue to work on loving him before that day comes.

  15. Brigitte August 30, 2015 at 8:37 am #

    Hayley, I completely agree with this post. I did not do this and my marriage ended after 12 years. I worked full-time and the guilt (and love) made me want to spend every spare moment with my daughter who I went through lots of fertility treatments to have. I did not make time for ‘date nights’. Everything we did included her. Shocking (not so much) that my husband left me for someone 20 years younger who could focus completely on him. Don’t get me wrong, I was not negligent. I cooked meals, cleaned the house, etc. But, in hindsight, I never made him feel #1. It was us before her. She will, and should, leave the nest. It has just been the two of us for the last 10 years, and now that she will be leaving for college I am very sad. She is my joy, laughter, and I have given her all of me. Moms need to be moms, but I think your post is DEAD ON! Nicely written.

  16. TK August 30, 2015 at 4:46 pm #

    Geez, Tiffany seriously? The truth is too many marriages fall apart today because the kids take the place of EVERYTHING else in our lives. It takes determination to make your marriage, your spouse and yourself a priority because it’s so easy to just live for the kids. Then the kids leave. What do you have left if you even made it that far? As one person posted God gives us an order. God is our 1, spouse is our 2 and let’s face it, if those two are in order then mom & dad are happier which makes for happier kids that don’t grow up thinking they are the center of the universe and the world revolves around them. That doesn’t make you bad parents. It makes you better ones.

    • Cee April 22, 2016 at 1:05 am #

      Spot on!

  17. Ashley September 2, 2015 at 3:35 pm #

    I absolutely 100% agree with you on this topic. Daddy comes first. I think people need to understand that when we say that, we don’t mean that if there’s one bite of food left in the house and baby and husband are both starving we feed the man first.We mean that we love our men more because we know that together we as a team would never allow this circumstance to happen. I also have a very special love for my fiance because I have 4 children from a previous relationship and he loves them just as equally as our 3 children that we created together. Because of him I am not a single parent.because of him my sons have a role model. Because of him I have a rock with which to anchor myself against while pushing my children toward adulthood and the big bad world. Because of him my daughters will have a high standard with which to judge future suitors with. Because of my fiance I know what it’s like to feel completely 100% capable of being the woman I am. I couldn’t be the mother I am to my children without him.and exactly what you said, when my babies are growe and on their own with wives and husbands HE will be who I come home to. Who I share my bed with.my heart and my soul with.and together we will work fervently for that future together where we watch our wonderfully raised children succeed in their lives.

  18. Anonymous September 3, 2015 at 11:51 am #

    We are all different, how all of chose to love the members of your family, is your choice. There is no right or wrong way. Try not to judge people who don’t share your way of thinking, whether you put your husband or your kids first, is irrelevant to me. What is more important is that you kids are loved and allowed to be expressive and creative in their lives, what matters is that you and your husband/wife have a fantastic marriage, those are the things that matter. I refuse to focus on something that society uses to break families apart, if there is love, that is all that’s needed. Blessings to all!

  19. Anonymous September 3, 2015 at 3:07 pm #

    If you could choose to save your husband our your children, who would you choose?

  20. Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 12:43 am #

    A+ my dear!

  21. Sarah April 21, 2016 at 8:45 am #

    I have two main issues with this:

    For one, love shouldn’t be conditional (like the circumstances listed) If this is the standard by which kids shoul he ranked upon: they’ve lost indefinitely.

    Mostly though, the comparison of love. I don’t think there is any grounds to reasonably compare the love between your husband and children when it’s so so far from a black and white comparison. And why compare at all? Why not just love freely and cast the measuring aside. I think it’s clear that a romantic, chosen love will win out by metrics to a baby who has a dirty diaper every time. But again, love isn’t self serving and shouldn’t be marked by the conditions that draw awkward comparison.

    • Mama of five April 22, 2016 at 4:00 am #

      She has simply taken out the “comparison” by explaining that her husband is her husband and her kids are her kids. Two totally different loves and devotions. Yet woman everyday, allow the love and devotion to their children affect their marriage, by not putting in the work that a marriage requires needs and longs for because they “have to be a mom”. Well atleast that is the way I received it…

  22. Meredith April 21, 2016 at 10:32 am #

    As a child of divorced parents, I WISH my parents would have put each other first instead of me. Maybe then they’d still be married. Instead I was their only child and when I was off on my own, they literally had nothing to talk about. Now every Christmas since has been split between 2 families (3 if you could my husbands parents too). I will not be making that same mistake with my husband, he absolutely comes first. Always has, always will.

  23. Hannah April 21, 2016 at 11:35 am #

    Well said. We love our husbands more simply because that is how God has designed it! How can I be a great mother if I cannot be a great wife first? My husband and I need to always display love to one another and always be on the same page in order to raise our children and love them the way they deserve

  24. Kay April 21, 2016 at 2:06 pm #

    I 100% agree with you Hayley! All too often the husband is cast to the wayside because the woman is busy s”mothering” her kids (Tiffany). Father’s understand children need to learn independence and age appropriate relationships. Don’t get me wrong im not saying im perfect at all. There are times I pay more attention and time to my kids than they need, but it’s all about balance. I think the reason some are having a hard time understanding what you mean Hayley is because living the way God tells us to can be confusing and difficult. If you have a relationship the way scripture describes I can guarantee you won’t be ignoring or “over loving” anyone in your household! BTW thank you Betsy for showing you can feel differently yet comment respectfully.Tk and bl, we’ll said ladies!

  25. Linda Young April 21, 2016 at 7:53 pm #

    Great blog! I have been married for 42 years. Together we had 2 bio kids, adopted 3 more and fostered over 200. I know that there have been too many times that he felt like he was of little importance compared to the kids. That must have been very lonely for him. If I had it to do over, I would put him first more often. Many times the kids just need us more, but not always. The kids will grow up and leave (with any luck!) and you will be left with either your best friend who was by your side over the years, or a stranger who has grown resentful over taking second place in your heart. I am blessed to be able to look forward to just the two of us again, happy at how our kids have turned out, and grateful that the Lord gave me this wonderful man!

  26. Stacy April 21, 2016 at 8:15 pm #

    Beautiful article. (I too have 3 sons and married my high school sweetheart so I might be a little biased!)
    Our children grow up.
    They move on and move out.
    We love them, but they don’t need us anymore.
    They find their own spouse to love….it’s just the way life goes.
    But that fabulous man I married is still here loving me. We’ve lived through raising 3 sons. We kept loving literally in sickness and in health. We were there for each other in loss and pain and all the great stuff too. We kept loving when we didn’t think we had anything left to give.
    I adore my sons and they love me, but things will never be the same since they have given their hearts to young ladies who will hopefully be my daughters someday!

    So I look at my husband and I’m grateful that I put him ahead of my kids as much as possible through the years. We worked on our marriage AND family while most of our friends were working on giving every single moment to their children.
    Now our work is paying off because without even realizing it, simply by example, we’ve raised sons who respect women and respect marriage. And it wasn’t even hard. 🙂

    • MB April 26, 2016 at 3:06 pm #

      Love, love your comment, Stacy

  27. Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 8:29 pm #

    I completely agree with you Hayley. I understand several different sides bc I’ve been on several different sides. I grew up in a home where my mother brought 2 children into the marriage and my father raised them as his own. My mother always put the 3 of us girls first. She confided in us, hung out with us, she was our mother and our best friend. I wish though that she had put my father first. God intended on spouses to be put second next to Him bc we must form 2 into 1. If we did not put our spouse first then we would not be blessed with the parenting/support of each other in order to raise the children that God loans us, properly. Like a post said earlier, we would not give the last piece of food to our husband over our child, why, bc the 2 of you formed as 1 know that the child deserves it. We become 1 once you realize what God intended a true marriage to consist of. Back to my childhood story. I wish my mother had put my father first. I grew up learning the wrong way and I struggled for years with trying to teach myself how 2 loving, devoted spouses are suppose to live life together. I thought for years that it was ok if there was silence btwn my parents, that there was no affection that was shown towards each of them and that life decisions were decided at that moment depending on how my mom thought she should handle us and raise us. Now we are all grown and gone and my parents have no idea who they are, they are realizing that they abandoned each other in the time that they should have been standing together. I am a single mother and in my past relationship trying to go into it I always put my son first and if he wasn’t happy with my boyfriend (but I was happy didn’t matter to me) then I would end it. Instead of teaching my son that when you are in love and you know that God has sent you someone, you strive to make a whole family by becoming the man and woman that God wanted to be strong together in order to raise His children properly. I think too that women need to remember that God created woman from Adam’s rib. Man came second after God, then woman, then children once man and woman formed as one. I am also a divorced mother from an abusive husband. I put him first throughout our marriage and I fought for what I thought was right to try abs save us and keep our family together. But then I realized, this is how God intended marriage to be, for a family to be, for a wife/mother to be and definitely not how he intended any of His children to be treated. I then set my husband aside and did what was best for my son and I. Unfortunately in this current world where abuse/addiction/money greed/lust runs higher than our God, I think when people hear, ‘I put my husband before my kids’ or ‘I love my husband more than my kids’ they automatically jump to the conclusion that you would take a bullet for your husband and not your child. A post/ reply asked if you had to choose to save your husband or your children, who would you choose? Again, we would not choose our husband over our children. And you better believe that if you put your husband head of household (like God intended) then he would understand, agree and already know that you should choose your children. And he would do the same. Why? Bc Man and Woman gotten together as 1 in a true marriage, you are apart of each other. And spouses are blessed to have children that are 50% dad and 50% mom. I think that understanding the bible and God is what sets certain people away from having a healthy marriage and family bc they listen to society and to Earthly influences. I loved your blog Hayley, keep up the fantastic work!

  28. Angel April 21, 2016 at 8:43 pm #

    I appreciate your example of love for your husband and encouraging other women to love their husbands. However, I’ve heard that a lot lately, and some people even say that in front of their children, which can be confusing for them. I don’t think there is a need to compare who you love more… They are very different loves…I love my husband in a romantic, friendly, fun, way. I love my kids in a protective, nurturing, sweet way. You can make all of them a priority in different ways. And if most women were honest, losing a child would be way more devastating than a spouse. Research shows that and if you talk to women who lost their child vs women who lost their husband, the pain of losing a child is much deeper, more devastating, and it lasts longer. Our love for our kids are also much more unconditional (which points to maybe a stronger love?). They could really mess up in life and hurt us and we’d still be always hoping and there for them. There’s only so much a woman can endure with a man after being deeply hurt. Yes, there can be forgiveness but the love is not as unconditional as it is with children.

    And yes, scripture does talk about leaving and cleaving, and becoming one flesh, and it compares marriage to Christ and the church. BUT, it also often compares God’s love to the love of a father so many times. And God’s love is pretty strong! God probably chose the father figure because he knows how fierce is the love of a parent for a child…

  29. Natalie April 21, 2016 at 9:01 pm #

    Aww ur the best LOVE everything u say!! It is all 100% true. ..u don’t beat around the bush or add frills to it..it is what it is..I love the second last comment..they go in for the kill lol u really inspire me and have truly helped me!! Me and my hubby found out a week after our wedding we were preggy with twins. We had only been together just over a year..the twins are 2 next week..boy has it been hard!! Thanks again I will continue to enjoy ur blog?

  30. Janie April 21, 2016 at 9:22 pm #

    I think mothers are often made to feel guilty if they acknowledge that they love their spouses more than their kids. As many have commented, love between partners and love between parents and children are different forms. But making your husband your #1 is not a bad thing by any means. He is, as you stated in your last point, the reason you have your lovely children. His love and desire to have kids with you is the reason they were given to you by God. Marriage is a journey that you take together, and it takes a certain devotion to each other to keep that bond healthy and strong, both for you AND your kids. Kudos to you for admitting this. Mothers should never feel guilty for loyalty toward their partners coming first sometimes. My husband and I are currently expecting our first, and I know that despite the bond we have with our child, our bond to each other is of the utmost importance. Xo

  31. Cherry April 21, 2016 at 9:29 pm #

    Amen sister!! I’ve said this over and over. Have you witnessed the disfunction of mothers who have always put their children first??? It usually ends badly. I mean divorces, anger, resentment, walking away from God etc. God gave Adam a wife, not a mother. And out of the blessing of marriage comes your children, that’s the way God designed it and it should always be how we treat our husbands. I need a friend like you in my life!!!

  32. Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 10:24 pm #

    You better love be him, somebody has to pay the bills…

  33. Anonymous April 21, 2016 at 10:33 pm #

    You better love him, somebody has to pay the bills.

  34. Asil April 21, 2016 at 10:47 pm #

    Yea, I mean, I get what the author is saying but, I trued everything and struggled for 13 yrs to have my son, finally at 32 yrs old. I’m 37 now. My love for my son supercedes my love for anything one or anything on this earth, even my husband ir my father, and I’m Daddy’s Little Girl. If I had to save only one of them from danger, no questions, it would be my son. That is my blood and my struggle and my miracle. Men can be replaced, parents pass away (mine did) but my son, I can never have another one. I get it, in the sense, that you show a united front to the children, show them how to treat a partner, how to love and respect your partner, not everything is anout them, etc., but perhaps it is just the wording I don’t jive with. I have a weird personality, so perhaps this is why my opinion is different. I do feel it is circular. If your love your children, you show them a happy home, show them love and respect to them and to your spouse. If your spouse loves you, he shows respect and rears the children with love and puts his wife on a pedestal, showing children how to be great partners and parents, but i would never say love him or her more than the kids. My husband loves my son more than me. That is what I wanted to find when I wanted a stepfather for my son and husband. He tells me he loves my son more than me and THAT is what I desire. What makes him my husband, my man. That he wants to take care of this child. So that means he cares for him, he treats his mommy with respect, love, adoration, compassion, etc. He does this knowing those little eyes are watching him on hiw to be a man and a good father someday and a good son with respect and love. He loves my son more than me, which means he does anything to keep him and to make me happy.Im different I guess.

  35. Taneal April 22, 2016 at 12:12 am #

    I agree and disagree. My husband AND my son come first before me. My husband is my best friend, my son and husband are everything to me. Both are my heart and soul. I chose my husband, he chose me..we both chose to have a child made from pure love. To say i love one over the other would be a lie..for me anyways. My son will leave our side to take on the world one day and it will just be me and my husband. But my husband can never say i shoved him aside or neglected him and my son will never say his mama didnt love and adore him and gave him the best life possible.

  36. Mama of five April 22, 2016 at 3:47 am #

    I have five kids and let me just say this… My kids are my world!!! LITERALLY!!! However, they have sucked the life out of me. If it wasn’t for my husband, I would have probably been committed to a looney bin by now. Seriously … All these woman that have put their husband, THE OTHER PARENT, on the back burner, I will pray for clarity for you. I am blessed to have a husband as well as have kids, and one day I pray that my kids have the same. How am I teaching them how a family is built if I don’t continue to love my husband more and more everyday which began before they blessed us with their arrivals?!

  37. Ray April 22, 2016 at 6:08 am #

    Hayley, After 7 children (2 still at home), I have to say that your article has great merit! We need to take care of the people we love – especially our spouse! It is tough not to feel second, third, fourth…..last place as the husband in the equation! Take time to make your husband feel loved like you did early in your relationships! Find the passion that burns the paint off of the bedroom walls. Take time to tell him how important he is to you, because we already know we have to take last place much of the time. Do what it takes to let him know he is the air you need to help you run the marathon….. We husbands and fathers don’t need to be first all the time, but we need to know we would be if circumstances were a bit different. We need to know we are important- you need to say it. We need to know you can’t get through more than a couple of days without making love to us – you need to say it , and more importantly, show it! We know you are tired. We know you are often at the end of your rope . I would just say “Protect your relationship with your husband if you want to keep it”. Communication is key. Humility is key, having to repaint the bedroom walls due to passion damage is VERY key! – married 30 years 🙂

  38. Just doing my best April 22, 2016 at 8:31 am #

    Wow! Some of your comments are so mean spirited. We are all just trying to figure it out. How to be a wife and mother? How to carve out a little time for ourselves ? Everyone is going to do what works best for them. Let’s not be so cruel. I don’t think anyone should question the love a women has for her children or her husband. This kind of love is deep and infinite as one woman wrote. Although, my opinion differs from this blog. I appreciate the point of view. Let’s try to be a little less judgemental and a little more supportive of our fellow women.

  39. Brent April 22, 2016 at 9:44 am #

    I’ve been married for 14+ years now. Our marriage hasn’t been perfect. I sure haven’t been perfect and fallen short of doing what I need for her. But the author has a great point here. And we continue to see it every day! Wives are too wrapped up in their children and work to notice their husbands anymore and what they need. I have been set aside many many times because of our kids and or other men…. When I’ve been set aside for so long, it doesn’t make me feel very good, nor does it make me what to speak to her or be very happy at all. I have found hobbies and other things in life to replace what is missing. There is NOTHING in this world that can replace the feeling of your spouses love!! My wife says I’m mean, hurtful, and angry and is the reason why she will not be intimate with me or feel the need to love me.

    So in saying this. Remember…. Us men need love too. Find out how to love your husband and continue loving him and never let his needs be forgotten! After so long he feels forgotten, unloved, and uncared for. I for one will never lose my love for my wife as she is my first ever love and nothing can replace that. However, one cannot live forever giving the other spouse what they need and never receive anything in return. Both need to equally love each other the way they need to be loved.. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean we need to live with that person unhappy. And everyone has the right to be happy!!

  40. No Name April 22, 2016 at 10:25 am #

    My husband always tells me I am his number one and not the kids! For the longest time I found it rather grim but the longer we are together I realized that I agreed. He is my number one! He tells me all the time that at the end of it all, he and I will be stuck together and he might as well love me more than anyone and I like it. Its just right for me to feel the same about him.

  41. Confused April 22, 2016 at 10:55 am #

    Something else after a failed marriage is dating… It’s hard these days with jobs and kids etc. So online dating is the new thing and the norm. Reading the personal ads are very funny and at times most of them are very sad. Most women want “LTR” (long term relationship-marriage) again! However, the first sentence or paragraph they say they have children and you must like children! DUH. Most middle aged people have them…. Then they go on to say “just remember, MY CHILDREN WERE HERE BEFORE YOU! So don’t ever think I’ll ever put you before them! WOW!! These are the women that are divorced or no longer with the original man because they have neglected him. I will never pursue a woman that states this in their ad… What’s that mean for a man? She wants a man that will be there for her, thick and thin, but when he needs her? Sorry, her kids come first! But at the same token us men need to treat those children as their own and be understanding!!!

    Some things ALL women must understand! 99% of men need intimacy from their wives to keep them completely happy! If that isn’t met, he will lose interest in you. He will become upset, quiet, and an unhappy person. So keep the flames going in the bedroom, in the car, in a dressing room after you ask him to see if you look nice in a dress, in a secluded park after a nice picnic, or any other random time. Make him your number one and show him that you like and enjoy making love to him. Is intimacy for a woman so bad? Is it bad to show your loving husband you enjoy him? And in return he will doing anything and everything for you!

  42. Nisie April 22, 2016 at 11:48 am #

    I do not agree. I find this approach very self-centered and shallow. Of course, you are young and have not had friends divorce yet. Not to sound cold, BUT a husband can come and go. Your children are ALWAYS your children, no matter what. My husband and I have ALWAYS been in agreement that (together ) we will make any sacrifices necessary to help our kids. We, luckily, had parents that felt the same way. Your children are your blood relatives. A spouse is by marriage. Although they are independent relationships, and I would not want to choose, they are NOT the same.

  43. Anon April 22, 2016 at 12:02 pm #

    Im digging all of the man hate in these comments. Is that all men are? Just a sack of sperm to give you children? You want a man to give you a child and then divorce his ass while taking half of what he owns? I’ve seen it too many times and have even been WARNED by several women about those tactics. Sick world we live in.

  44. Beth April 22, 2016 at 1:17 pm #

    I don’t love my husband or daughter more or less than the other. I love them both fiercely in different ways, for different reasons. And I think that’s the point of this article. It’s like apples and oranges, impossible to compare or quantify one over the other.

  45. Anonymous April 22, 2016 at 1:28 pm #

    For all of you women saying your Husband comes first. If one of your kids and your husband was hanging off a cliff and you could only save one, who would you choose? Honestly?

  46. Pieter April 22, 2016 at 2:12 pm #

    I dont agree with this..your children are blood. Your husband is not….you may feel the way you do now..but if it doesnt woek out between you two and you divorce…your kids will always be your kids…he will be your ex. Think about that for a bit.

  47. alice April 22, 2016 at 3:07 pm #

    Yes and well done.

  48. Jess April 22, 2016 at 4:45 pm #

    Than you so much for this article! My husband and I have been married since July (but together for 6 years) and have been talking about having kids more often lately, with me being the one in more of a rush. My husband’s main reason for wanting to wait longer is that he’s afraid I’ll love our children more than him (bc his father was always second). I would never rush him because I want us to be on the same page when making a decision like this. I’ve tried to explain to him that he is irreplaceable but I’ve never expressed it as well as you did. I can’t wait to show him this and talk about it and see where it leads us!

  49. Shelley April 22, 2016 at 7:04 pm #

    Nope. Children need your love, support, and someone to advocate for them. I cannot imagine ever saying l love anyone more than my children. Cringe. I do agree that it is completely different and I don’t see why it would even occur to someone to compare. But if l had to choose my partner or my kids? Children, 100 percent of the time. And I hope they would do the same because that would make me love them even more.

  50. Deondra April 22, 2016 at 7:31 pm #

    I read this from a different perspective as we do not have children yet (nor are they In the “plan” for the next several years, you know, since life always goes as planned 🙂

    Nevertheless, I can sympathize why some of you were left somewhat bothered by this blog because the love for your children is incomparable. That’s what I’m told by my mom friends and even my own mother, but what I loved so much about this blog was the very last words…

    ..”He gave me them.”

    Whew. Cue the tears. I adore my man. He is my best friend. My biggest supporter. I love him so much. He is so lucky he landed a babe like me and I’m the luckiest girl in the world. But I think it’s pretty powerful to look at your three children whom I am sure she loves more than life itself and then to look your husband with such unmeasurable love and gratitude and say that she loves her husband more because “he gave me them.”

    Pretty powerful words, Hayley. I hope I never forget them.

  51. bill nye the science guy April 22, 2016 at 8:53 pm #

    so if in a shooting would you shield your husband instead of your kids??

  52. Joy April 22, 2016 at 11:50 pm #

    In the Bible Jesus says that divorce is caused by the hardness of hearts (Mark10:5). It is a heart issue. Something going wrong in the heart of the person instigating the divorce (of course other than in abusive relationships and other such similar situations where a person is left with no choice because it’s become unsafe due to the hardness or illness in their partners heart/mind). If a husband leaves because he wasn’t number one and found that with someone else then it is an issue with his heart. He cannot blame it on his wife making the kids a priority over him because he should have continued to work on that issue for as long as it took. I can speak from experience here because I fell out of love with my husband for years. It was the loneliest and most heartbreaking time, but I made a commitment to stay and work on myself, and I’m so glad I did. I agree with others comments that there is no hierarchy to love. Definitely not in my heart or my husbands heart. We love each family member equally and differently. Both my husband and I feel a great responsibility to die if necessary to protect our children as well as make great sacrifices of ourselves. This will not spoil them. We still teach our kids good character. I understand the meaning of making sure the husband/wife relationship is healthy for the kids sense of stability etc, but I don’t agree with the words used, “I love my husband more than the kids”, or “My husband is #1”. I understand a lot of the post was humorous and I can relate and laugh. My comment is aimed at the real teaching out there about husbands being number one, and the teaching that it’s a more spiritual way of doing relationships, or healthier way. I tell my kids my love is endless for them, and my love is endless for their father. Sometimes their needs come first, sometimes dads, sometimes mums. It’s as simple as that. My hubby said that’s fine with him and he’s not going to divorce me!

  53. Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 1:16 am #

    Why doesn’t anyone mention or focus on the husband taking care of mommy more too?

  54. Kacey April 23, 2016 at 7:17 am #

    I couldn’t agree more with your reasons. And it is biblical: God, spouse, then children. It isn’t wrong. It is our job to raise our children to be responsible, loving, respectful, productive adults. iIt’s good for them to witness a healthy marriage where they understand mommy and daddy are a team through the good and bad and they will stand behind each other. That’s what makes parents first and friends next. We are not supposed to be friends with our kids we are with our spouse. Loving your spouse first does not mean you’re a horrible mom, it means you understand what it means to be a parent and a spouse. Kudos to you!

  55. Robin April 23, 2016 at 7:32 am #

    A healthy marriage will always be built on the Word of God, which produces a sacrificial, serving love. It places the spouse as priority #1 in relationship, and any reshifting or replacing of priorities damages the results of all relationships affected. If you do marriage correctly it will grow more beautiful and bonding throughout time. All the while, preparing by example, your own children for a wonderful narrative of their own. A child is created by God to grow up within the circle of their parents relationship, but from year one that child is working their way to the outer edges of that circle until one day they find their identity in themselves and no longer in their parents. It is supposed to work this way, and any parent trying to hold them back from it, holds them back from maturity.

    Marriages with moms that put Dad in second place suffer tremendous loss of intimacy and friendship because the Mom tries to find fulfillment in those areas through her children, who are going to leave her one day anyway. Then she is left with an empty marriage and a terrible tendency to monopolize her children’s lives in their own marriages.

  56. Shelley April 23, 2016 at 9:42 am #

    Wow. Never could I love my husband more than my 3 yr old miracle baby. I would never put any man including my husband, her father before her or her needs. She’s a part of me, he’s not. He can fend for himself, she cannot. Just shaking my head on this one. My daughter is #1 and always will be.

  57. Amy April 23, 2016 at 10:10 am #

    The best thing I’m doing for my three kids is actively loving my husband every day. Seriously nothing makes my kids happier than seeing us love and flirt and have fun together. And I pray that they use what they see now as a guide later in life on how to nurture their own marriages. In my opinion, putting your marriage first, and loving your husband the most, is essentially putting your kids first. Because it all comes together. The same way putting God first in my life leads me to be the wife that I am. And for the love people, lighten up!

  58. Ashley April 23, 2016 at 10:58 am #

    I completely agree…now. I couldn’t say that before with my kids dad. He was an abusive drug addict that I did all I could to help. I think it makes a HUGE difference if your partner reciprocates that love and support. After years of trying to make my marriage work, trying to keep my children safe, and avoiding the obvious, I finally ended the abiuse for myself and my kids. NOW…I have finally found that true relationship that you talk about and understand why we should love our husbands first before our kids. They help keep us balanced and a healthy love and mind. I say “healthy” bc for years my relationship was very unhealthy so, of course, my kids came first. Yes we all know that God is our true #1. That’s a given, but behind him is your spouse, then your children. I appreciate your words and respect you for putting it out there. It’s the truth regardless of what form of love it is, motherly or intimately! It’s God’s way.

  59. Sepy April 23, 2016 at 1:41 pm #

    This is tongue-in-cheek, right? Otherwise, it’s pretty gross.

  60. Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 6:28 pm #

    ? you must have one heck of a husband! I’m a product of divorced parents and a now single mom. I can’t even comprehend this thinking. Seems absolutely asinine that a man would ever get more of my heart than my child. but kudos to you for having a man you adore so much!

  61. Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 7:01 pm #

    Is a newborn or child supposed to take care of themselves? The children you CHOSE to have “ruined your body”? Seriously, stop whining and just enjoy and love your whole family.

  62. Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 9:04 pm #

    I love this it is well written. My children or my blessings and i love them dearly, but your significant other is the one that will be by your side through it all and when they grow up and leave. It will be your significant other thats there for you. You say significant other because I’m a divorced mother of 1 grown child and 2 teenage boys. My kids our my world and their needs come first and i love them more than i can say but my boyfriend of many years us the one that gives my piece of mind when one of boys is acting up, he’s the one i go to, to relax unwind, some one that will make sure I’m taking care too not just the kids. He is my best friend and the love of my life.

  63. Anonymous April 23, 2016 at 10:17 pm #

    To those who put their kids first. I hope you don’t think your children will put you first in front of their spouse someday. And if they follow your example and do, then you will have them back someday when their spouse moves on.

  64. Kk April 24, 2016 at 12:24 am #

    Nope don’t agree. Husbands come and go, they are replaceable. Children or not. I’m a firm believer in blood is thicker than water

  65. PG April 24, 2016 at 5:49 am #

    Absolutely correct. As a Mother of 5, ages 28 to 11, you will be glad for your unity and oneness when you confront the teenage years. Even the best teen (and I think all mine are) can be trying at times & a loving united front=security for them. My husband is my #1 & I am his. I love him much more than the day we married because I appreciate him more. We are a team & our kids know it. We love them unconditionally & they always come first with us. We can do this because we hv loved each other first for almost 30 years.

    • MB April 26, 2016 at 3:11 pm #

      ❤️??

  66. Anonymous April 24, 2016 at 12:16 pm #

    I don’t have children but I am married and I absolutely agree with you one hundred percent. (minus the religious stuff :P) At the end of the day the birds will leave the nest and it will only be you and your husband. I also believe that you should love yourself too. I think many women forget who they are, what they like, what passions/hobbies they had before the little kids came into their lives. It is so important to not forget yourself…so that when you do retire and it is just the two of you…you still have hobbies for yourself and each other.

  67. Kerri April 24, 2016 at 3:31 pm #

    This is so strange to me despite understanding that you are joking about some of this. Why the false need to rank love in some sort of hierarchy, like it’s a competition? Isn’t that the antithesis of unconditional love? They’re two very different types anyway. I see the point you’re making, but I would have been crushed if my mom had felt this way and ever told me, “I love Daddy more than I love you.” My love for my children is unconditional, as I know yours is, so why not nurture the marriage without setting the kids up as second place? We have enough love in our hearts to love in different ways and can dedicate quality time to our spouses without an unnecessary points standing.

  68. Maria April 25, 2016 at 9:06 am #

    I agree. I totally get this article. Maybe the wording confuses people, but I get what you are trying to say. People are not reading in between the lines. They are reading it too literal. If there is date night and the kids are sick then of course that means date night is cancelled… That is not what this article is saying. Ephesians 5:22 that says, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord”, and Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. The church was Christ’s ONE priority, so it says to the husbands that they are supposed to love their wives in that same way that Christ loved the church. That’s a BIG type of love, y’all. That ain’t no small kind of love. Remember – love is an ACTION word. And before that it tells the wives that you are supposed to submit to your husband as to the Lord – that’s BIG too. My duty is to submit to my husband – that’s a command from the Lord.

  69. Tifne April 25, 2016 at 1:22 pm #

    I absolutely agree. Great job, once again! There will always be those who have conflicting opinions and just disagree. Unfortunately, they do not all have the grace to “keep it classy”. I appreciate your writing and enjoy reading your blogs, so I hope these comments do not deter you. Thanks!

  70. Sarah April 25, 2016 at 2:30 pm #

    I love my husband, but there are actions he could take that would make me fall out of love with him: infidelities, abuse, etc. However, there is NOTHING my child could ever do that would make me stop loving her. It’s called unconditional love. It does not mean that I am raising an entitled child, it means that I am a mother. I find articles like this silly and pointless because they intend to be provocative for the sake of provocation. It’s wonderful that you hold your husband and your marriage in high esteem, but I think you can do that without making such naive and bombastic declarations in an attempt to prove that.

    • Jo August 26, 2016 at 12:12 am #

      Exactly right, Sarah. I adore my husband, but there are things he could do to change that. I’ve been divorced and this isn’t my first rodeo. My 4 kids though? Through hell or high water, I will love those children. There isn’t anything that could change my love for them and that is the ultimate difference.

  71. Savana April 25, 2016 at 3:33 pm #

    I love this! You brought up a great point that we often overlook as mommies. I didn’t read through all of the comments but I think most of the controversy here is in the term “love”. The working definition of love is to will the highest good for God, others and yourself. I don’t think that you are suggesting that we should either choose one or the other only that we should not choose our children over our husbands continuously. I feel like your heart shone beautifully but for some, the wording is what matters -which can be frustrating. Practically, for me, choosing my husband over my children means that I work extra hard to keep our house in some semblance of order and do whatever it takes to get my kids in bed at a decent time so that he and I can unwind together before tomorrow starts all over again and he leaves our house at 4am to work 2-3 jobs… So we can eat. (I promise we still see him throughout the week, he’s not a workaholic and he is very involved with our say children) Lol. I don’t kill myself to get these things accomplished every day and he doesn’t get upset if these things don’t happen. But chaos stresses my husband out so I make it a priority to keep in check the things that cause him stress. I fail all the time. But it’s okay. I am in total agreement with this blog and I think many of those who claim to rebut it actually practice these things but are caught up on the terminology of “first” and “second”. Putting my husband first is protecting his personal belongings that my the year old could possibly break even though he is having a blast… He can have fun with something else. This belongs to Daddy and he deserves you’re respect. Weird example maybe and I know I’m rambling but I hope that makes sense!! Parenthood is hard.

  72. Svetlana April 26, 2016 at 8:33 pm #

    Dear Hayley,
    Thank you for this article!! You are tottaly write!! Husband should be on the second place, firts place is yours!! Only than children!! Otherwise they will be selfish!! Children should know that head of family are man and woman!! Women who put children in first place are ignorant. But later they will understand their mistake!!
    I am happy about your point of view!!
    I wish you good luck!!

  73. Sue Parke April 27, 2016 at 4:33 am #

    I adore this post!!!! All so true and I’m with you!

  74. Kacie May 2, 2016 at 10:52 pm #

    This was such a good read and I also agree! What I don’t agree with, is all these negative comments I just read when it is clearly states not to post negative comments on here. Biggest pet peeve ever. You don’t agree exit the blog and move the fu** on.

  75. Mandy May 14, 2016 at 12:01 am #

    Completely disagree. Your husband is also a grown man and should understand the kids need to feel first because it maybe the only time in their life they get to feel they are first! Some of the reasons “why” I hope you are not serious please understand they need both of you and can’t be completely self sufficient and that’s what you are for and the little loves were not selected by you but made for you by God and that is better than hand picked! I know there is a no negative comments and I’m really not trying to be negative but for the sake of your kids I think every opinion should be put out there. Besides you should take the good with the bad

  76. Sara May 14, 2016 at 10:09 pm #

    This is article is disturbing on so many levels.

  77. Wendy May 15, 2016 at 8:13 pm #

    You’ve swallowed the Christian kool aid. Children are helpless beings in great need of guidance, attention.
    Why do you even dwell on the distinction?!! It is, to me, frightening and disgusting, albeit a bit creeeeepy–that you even think on it. Just do your job! Love and train those little ones and don’t ever, ever, let them see this or hear you say it. Such is the stuff that social deviants are made from.
    If momma measures the love she has for you, how can you ever feel safe, secure, healthy and free to fly? Stop it now.

  78. Anne May 15, 2016 at 9:07 pm #

    I don’t love my husband more than my daughter. Hear me out before you pick up the stones. My husband is a sex-addict. Turns out he has spent most of his time (and our money) on escorts and porn, rather than being a faithful husband and father. Yes, this is MY life! This is MY marriage. THIS is hard.
    I recently moved out but I have to say that in my search for resources I often found the statement “marriage is hard and it takes work” but I really wish people qualify that. Marriage is hard because… we struggle to communicate and sometimes disagree on parenting and finance? OR Marriage is hard because he didn’t come home again last night?
    I’m not sure why I am writing this here, perhaps because when I married, this is the kind of blog I wanted to relate to. Maybe there are others too.

  79. Ory May 16, 2016 at 9:06 pm #

    I will always love my children first and is hard for me to understant this blog! Knowing that all men cheat on you sooner or later, my sister was like you her husband first and he is always flirting with other women behind her back. I really don’t think any Man should be first! My oppinion, men come and go but your children will always be your children and nothing that I do for my son is a sacrifice.

  80. Matthew May 17, 2016 at 2:05 pm #

    I appreciate statements like this. My parents were each other’s best friend, love & support. As their child (& oldest), I never felt slighted because of this, but loved that my parents were the way they were & hoped someday to find the same for myself. I now have & will shortly be marrying MY best friend. She’s the most wonderful & important woman in the world to me & will always be. This article reminds me of my favorite part in “Parental Control” between the mother & daughter:

    Alice: “You always take his side.”
    Diane: “And for good reason, because after your kids grow up, your husband is the one who stays.”

    When kids grow up and move out, the parents are only left with each other. They chose each other, they still choose each other. Not always an easy choice, but one with limitless benefits!

  81. Nichole May 18, 2016 at 5:58 pm #

    Amazing story. People look at me like I’m crazy if I say I love my hubby more. Glad to know there are more people in the world who fell the same as I! Blessings to you and yours!

  82. alexander May 18, 2016 at 11:35 pm #

    actually, she doesn’t even realize it, she doesn’t understand what love really is. she does love her kids more. she just appreciates her husband more cause he is easier to deal with. she changes the kids diapers and wakes up to help them in the middle of the night, that is an act of TRUE love. Would she change her husbands diaper if he had to wear one? what if he got in an accident and was paralyzed? he would be much more difficult to be around, so according to this she would love her husband less if that was the case. this whole thing is backwards if you ask me. just my opinion. i dont mean this with any offense.

  83. J May 19, 2016 at 4:16 am #

    Crazy, some women just neeeed a man to complete them. My kids come first and they should for all parents. Your adult husband ( who can take care of himself should appreciate that). i wonder what kind of humans your kids will be in adult hood

  84. Zouzi May 19, 2016 at 5:33 am #

    I think just the last reason would be more than enough 🙂

  85. TalentdMom May 19, 2016 at 1:45 pm #

    I think many readers are not understanding they WAY you put your husband first. It’s not whose body you will shield from bullets or whose hand you grab to pull up off the cliff or who gets the last bite of food. Those are all grand scenarios and a good father would shield you as you shield the children, help the kid back to safety even if it means losing his own grip and gladly give up the last bite of food. (If there was a fire in our house, yes, my husband is the first person I would wake up because I need his help to save OUR kids. Not because he is a man, but because he is equally as smart, bigger than me and because I am only one person with multiple kids to save. He is my figurative oxygen mask on the plane. I put him first and together we put the kids first.) It also doesn’t mean feeding him, dressing him, changing his diaper, etc. and all the things you do for your kids each day. Though, 60 years into a marriage and he may be doing all that for you.
    For me at least, it’s much more subtle and a lot about respect. It’s the little moments, such as paying attention to what he is saying when he is talking to you and telling the interrupting kids to wait a moment instead of immediately turning away to attend the kids and ignore him. (Which, btw, does tell Jr that s/he is more important than anyone else and presents an excellent display of rude behavior.) It is cooking his favorite meal on occasion even if the kids don’t like it, making sure he has clean clothes and not just the kids, watching a show he likes once a week, sending him a text or email just to say,”Hey. You are hot/a great father/my best friend/etc.” I think it’s about making sure to include him in the decisions, backing him up as a parent, and just keep him on the list of people you show your love to every day. Date nights are great but not necessary. Your kids will still get way more of your time, energy and attention and he will still get less but making the effort to let him know he is important is HUGE. I have yet to meet one person who feels they got the short end of the stick because their parents put each other first. It is looking at the big picture, the 50 years from now picture when your kids live on the other coast with families of their own and call you once a week and visit you once a year. It’s remembering that marrying him meant building one shared lifetime together. And really, isn’t that how you want him to treat you?
    To all the people who say your children are blood and men can be replaced and he may leave you….Your husband MAY leave you, but your kids WILL leave you. Your husband is the person you CHOSE, your kids are just BIOLOGY. And YOU can be replaced just the same as HIM.
    I’ve traveled the world, been married twice, the first time to an abuser, have two step-sons, a teenage daughter from my first marriage and a 4 year old with my husband now. I’ve been a single mom, a step-mom, a working mom and a stay at home mom. I have friends who divorced and friends who stayed married. I was raised by a single mom who married and divorced three times and also by grandparents who were married for 70+ years. I may not have seen it all but I have seen a lot.

  86. Rowie Bernardino May 19, 2016 at 3:57 pm #

    I agree ♡♡♡ Yes, also because I think no one has ever protected me from pain or harm as my husband has 🙂 And yes, no one else puts me first, leaves me last when I’m most annoying 🙂

  87. me May 25, 2016 at 4:34 pm #

    Kids should always come first. Point blank period. That is all 🙂

  88. Rachel May 27, 2016 at 7:40 pm #

    It is kind of depressing to read people’s views on the disposable nature of marriage. My husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years. For the first 10, we struggled with infertility and then adopted our son. Neither my husband nor my son are my blood relatives, but I agree with the idea that they are different kinds of love. I think too many couples don’t make time for themselves individually and/or as a couple. It’s about balance (which is really hard to achieve when there are financial and time constraints) but I will say this, my husband accepted the idea of never having children biologically because he married me for ME. Another woman gave us the gift of a family, and it has been incredible. It’s easy to get fired up about other people’s perceptions of love and family, but in the end, the fact that you have a strong feeling must mean that your heart is in the right place :-). I really liked the article, but I could see some of the differing views.

    • Nicole June 2, 2016 at 2:22 pm #

      I agree, Rachel. I am shocked at the number of people that say they love their kids more simply because husbands can come and go. That mentality could be why the divorce rate is so high. I am recently divorced for this reason…as the mom I believed this principle and put my husband first before my children. Not at first, but once I began to study God’s Word, I realized I was doing it wrong and made changes. It meant, as someone said earlier, listening to him speak and making the kids wait and not interrupt. It meant not spending money on a certain toy for my children so that he and I could have a date night. Lots of things like that. The issue came in that he did not agree. He thought the kids were his world, and still does. Everything he did was for them, they got all his attention, his time, his energy. When they went to bed…so did he. There was nothing left for me, no matter how hard I tried. I realized it ultimately when I told him I wanted a separation and his biggest concern was that he wouldn’t see the kids every day. He did not care that he wouldn’t see me. In the end, the divorce was an 18 month long process fighting for custody of the kids, but not once fighting for me as his wife. Now that I am in a new relationship with a single dad, he and I have had many conversations around this topic, what it means. Ultimately we have decided that what it boils down to is putting “us” first. We will make decisions based on what is best for our relationship if we get married, taking children into consideration and their well-being but ultimately it is our relationship that needs to be built so that when the children are grown and gone…we still have “us” left.

  89. Alicia June 5, 2016 at 9:02 am #

    Your priorities are right on. I look at it like my children are easiest to love, they are my blood. My husband is not my blood but we are to be one and that takes work, effort, and dedication. By putting and choosing to love my husband first I have a healthier home, stronger Mariage, and the BEST possible environment for my children. It’s a shame EVERYONE can’t see that this order in priorities is absolutely the best for our children. It does not mean we love our children less it just means we prioritize our spouse first. That means a few nights away WITHOUT the kids, date nights, a united front in front of the kids and not undermining each other. Those night away they spend in the best care, grandparents, sleepovers with great friends. It also meant for us not co sleeping with our babes that gave us time and snuggles together. the opposite order in my opinion is the most common reason for divorce which is far more damaging and hard on our children. So again right on?

  90. Danyel June 13, 2016 at 6:32 am #

    I agree. It’s not so much about loving one more but about making the your marriage a top priority. Realizing marriage constantly needs to be worked at & can’t be left on a back burner to work on someday. It’s just like on a flight when they tell you to put your oxygen mask on before you put on your child’s. Kids thrive in a happy home. If you neglect your marriage your children will suffer.

  91. Jen June 19, 2016 at 11:18 am #

    That is ridiculous No one should ever come before your kids. I’d choose my kids over my Husband any day. I hate cleaning up after him, he is a grown man. If I lost him I’d be heartbroken and miss him dearly but if I lost a child it would be unbearable. This post made me cringe.

  92. Julie June 22, 2016 at 9:18 am #

    Except here is the kicker. No matter what you try to tell yourself, your love for your spouse is CONDITIONAL. If things end with him, as they do in half of all marriages, or if he lies and cheats on you, you will not love him anymore. In fact, you’ll probably despise him. Alternately, your love for your children is UNCONDITIONAL. They are your blood; your heart and soul walking around a room. Who are these women that don’t realize this? And for the record, I WANT my husband to love my children more than he loves me. I want him to put them first because that is important to me. Kids come first and I can say that from a beautifully healthy marriage.

  93. Emily July 2, 2016 at 11:59 am #

    We were created to be our husbands help mate…. not our childrens. I LOVE this message. Yes, we LOVE our babies, would fight to the death for them.. Protect them, cherish the gifts that they are, but God calls you to honor your husband and to put him first. Teach your children about loving and respecting their mate in life and this is one of the greatest lessons we can teach them….so someday, they too can have a healthy, loving relationship.

  94. Jessica July 7, 2016 at 4:18 pm #

    So true. My family psychology teacher said the same thing. Spouse comes first. The best thing you can do is give your child a healthy marriage. My parents are still married and all they have ever done is fighting and put me in the middle of it. It has made me miserable. Even now when I have three kids of my own. The good thing out of it is I have learned from their mistakes and don’t do it in my own marriage.

  95. Jessica July 7, 2016 at 4:27 pm #

    Some of the comments on here must have really been hurt by a man and must think all men are like that. I know many men that have never cheated and never will. Plus that’s a sexism comment women cheat too. And I was a single mom until my husband came along and took us both in. So I have been wronged by a man but won’t turn bitter and hate on all men because the one I have now is so amazing about to be 10 years of marriage and so happy
    And my kids are great. We cuddle all the time and say I love you everyday.

  96. alicia July 7, 2016 at 5:56 pm #

    im haveing a hard time wrapping ny head around this! your whole family should be equal.my kids needs come first to both of us,and the part about you not comeing first to your kids ,as my kids get older they put me first alot and yes they have friends and lives but they love me as i love them in my family we love equal even though i knew my husband firsr,im thankful i didnt get to hand pick my kids! i got the most three loveing kids god wanted me to have and sure thier storms at times ,but i woldnt have it any other way! i could keep going but i wont.

  97. MeL July 8, 2016 at 10:09 pm #

    I would just like to burst a little bubble over here… You cannot ALWAYS put your child first. It is impossible. We are not perfect and there are times that require us to get our priorities straightened out a bit. Sometimes your child will come first and you will make sure they are cared for correctly. Feeding them before yourself does not mean you love them more than anything. I do that all the time, but that just means I am in a hurry and it helps me more if their little mouths are full while I can breathe a bit before feeding myself. It comes down to selflessness or selfishness along with who you serve. If I let my precious baby get away with anything that is not really loving them correctly and I could very well say that I am putting them first or loving them, but really I am loving myself by doing what is least resistance to my own thinking. My mom used to say she ALWAYS put her kids first. I learned to hate this statement. She was married so many times, and her world revolved around her. If she was really putting her children first, she would have done what was hard and worked on her marriage, become selfless, and then taught her children what was right by doing what was right. No worries, she still taught us what was right by showing us what not to do and she has since then allowed God to change her life. I believe my husband is to come first, but because we are a part of each other we want nothing but the best for our children which will in turn put loving them and serving them secondary to serving God in right perspective. A family unit is the most precious body of Christ, and yet the biggest target usually for Satan’s tactics. This article was light-hearted and a good read. Everyone diving into the deep end needs to get a grip on knowing life has so many different variables that ALWAYS and NEVER and MY WAY IS BEST usually isn’t absolute truth. I love my husband of 10 years and our 3 kids as well as the many foster children that come into our home. I hope that all our kids learn what it is to value him because he is a precious man of God. Again, good article. The comments are a little crazy…but hey here is mine to add to mix.

  98. Kimberly Whitehead July 10, 2016 at 4:54 am #

    You are absolutely correct! Husband was there first and will be there last. Amen!

  99. Anonymous August 11, 2016 at 1:45 am #

    This is just my opinion. And we all have one. But, I found this a little absurd. Now, maybe I am splitting hairs here. But, I would say that the marriage is the foundation for everything else being healthy and secure in the home. So, perhaps, I could condede that the husband have higher priority. I just disagree to use the words love more. I feel those words are damaging. I feel some of the content here damaging. It was stated I didn’t choose my kids. I chose my husband. So, therefore, the author loves him more. Yeah…that sets your kids up to think that romantic love is more important than anything else. And that is a very secular concept, a very dangerous concept to reach kids. It teaches them you’re not cherished, valued and loved fully until you are by a man. Yikes! Think about that for a minute!

  100. Amanda Sorrell August 12, 2016 at 12:14 am #

    I used to get mad at my mother for this belief when I was a teen. She was my mom, my blood and no matter how hard dad tried he never would be. And he was so unresonable even to this day. However i have been married 10 years now, 2 children and a huge life altering illness for my husband that has left him disabled and at this point dependent. He does need me to clean up after him, drive him, wipe him and change a colostomy, and care for him more than most young wives would. Even having to slide into a roll that is different than most and exhausting and needy I see yours and my mothers point so clearly now. My children are top priority and I love them more than life. But my husband is my partner, my sanity, and my calm when everything is out of balance. My children need me but I need him even when he physically needs care. Its more than blood its a choice I made and make everyday we stay together to make a life with someone else who is my equal. I love my babies but they cant come first bc without us being together and a united front we cheat them out of a loving stable home that provides them with balance and love and hope that you can find someone who will love you despite all your faults and reasons not to or even because of them. Not everyone is licky enough to have someone willing to walk through all of life with you together but if they are they have to be put before your children to be able to truely love and provide for them too. I love this article. Thank you.

  101. Paige August 12, 2016 at 4:38 am #

    Hey I love the article. I think it is funny. She may or may not love her husband more than her kids, but what she’s saying is a trip!!!!! I think people are so wrapped up in exact wording thAt they forget to find the humor in things!!!!

  102. Anonymous August 13, 2016 at 3:52 pm #

    I really enjoyed this article. It’s so important to honor your spouse. Not worship them, but show respect for them and in turn teach your children to respect them. I saw the opposite of this in my aunt and uncle. Her whole world revolved around her kids. She did everything for them and left my uncle by the wayside. My cousins are extremely entitled, one more than the other, and have been extremely disrespectful to my aunt and uncle over the years. My aunt continued to do this even into her kids’ 30s and 40s and it’s carried over to her grandchildren. She always had somewhere to be, something to do, someone to go pick up. My uncle didn’t divorce her, but sadly, my uncle became sick and passed away a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, even at his funeral, they couldn’t bring themselves to honor their father.

  103. Nathan Moses August 14, 2016 at 12:38 pm #

    I agree with this sentiment. I put my wife first because I know that bedrock stability for our marriage is actually the finest gift I can give my children. I know that as they see me loving and serving my wife that they will be comforted, that they will gain confidence and that I will always have my children in my life as long as my wife and I are bound together in love. Putting children before spouse is a recipe for a broken marriage, which will cause all the harm that was trying to be prevented.

  104. Terrie August 14, 2016 at 1:12 pm #

    I think most are missing the separation between love and priority. If a mother loves anything more than her children, she’s doing it wrong. But, that doesn’t mean that children always come first. To love someone doesn’t mean that you ALWAYS do what they want it give them priority.
    I can have more love for my children, and yet choose my husband over them in some cases. Not cases where they NEED ME, but cases where they just want me for something. I have no problem leaving them for a weekend, they don’t want me to but it’s not gonna hurt them so, off I go with their daddy! They will survive. It doesn’t mean I love him more than them, it means that I recognize and respond to NEEDS accordingly, while loving my family in a healthy way.

    With that said, this article was very funny, lighthearted, and gives every logical reason why we should just sell our kids on eBay and run off into the sunset with our men ?

    A mother’s love isn’t logical, is it? They are little parasites, and yet still, if we could only save the life of one, we’d choose the child over the husband.

    A husband needs for the mother of his children to have that devotion, he counts on it. But, don’t mix up the level of love with the level of priority. Love is what conquers all, and your kids weren’t meant to be conquered.

  105. Stephanie August 16, 2016 at 12:27 pm #

    So much this. Thank you for taking the time to put into words what is in my heart but I’m too busy to write down. We also have three (under three) and every bullet point you said is absolutely true. Now I’m looking forward more than ever for 5pm and his “I’m headed home” text. And I was already REALLY looking forward to it. 🙂

  106. Trish August 17, 2016 at 7:21 pm #

    I don’t love my husband more than MORE than my child, I love him DIFFERENTLY than my child. And I don’t love my husband or my child more than my parents. I don’t get thecneed to rank love.

  107. Sal August 22, 2016 at 9:24 am #

    I once asked my husband if he loved our baby (now 8) more or me more. And I thought his reply was perfect – I CHOOSE to love you, but I’m hard-wired to love her”. And I think this hard-wiring of love for our children ensures that if there were something wrong, our priority lies in protecting our children. And our partners and husbands should be proud of that.

  108. April August 25, 2016 at 10:14 pm #

    It is a different love. I would expect my husband to put my children before me as they are more “helpless”. Although I can respect your list, I don’t agree. Husbands are also not perfect and do things that are “annoying” like kids. I wouldn’t use that as a reason to love someone else more. Your last point I can stand behind but not the rest. My kids will always come first if I had to choose. My mom told me when I was 8 that she put her husband (my step-dad mind you) before her kids because we would leave someday and he would be there for her. Broke my kid heart. I would never say that to my kids for that reason.

  109. Anonymous August 27, 2016 at 4:19 am #

    To each their own! We put our kids first and we love that about each other. Doesn’t make our relationship better/worse. You have to do what works for you!

  110. McKenzie August 27, 2016 at 7:20 am #

    I was raised this way, and I wholeheartedly agree with you. When husbands don’t come first, it’s likely the marriage will start to crumble. My parents marriage is strong as ever, and I can tell you, I never for one moment believed they didn’t love me. Miserable, divorced parents are not better for their children because they put their children first and not each other. Happy, loving parents are BEST for their kids. You were so right when you said they’ll grow up and move out and you’ll be left with your husband. You want that relationship to be strong.
    Great article!

  111. Kim W. August 27, 2016 at 10:59 am #

    She says her kids are her job, what a mom. My kids are the light of my life, my whole heart, not a job. And they will ALWAYS come before everyone, myself and my husband included. Amen.

  112. Anonymous August 27, 2016 at 5:38 pm #

    Ummm. No. Just no. Love my husband and we have been together since I was 14. I’m 40. Never have I ever looked at him and had the same gut wrenching kind of love that I have for my kids. Ever. Cannot compute how anyone would consider them in the same league.

  113. Sandra September 25, 2016 at 8:37 am #

    You know, I don’t have kids so I can’t speak on this really, but it was a very interesting article. I think I’m leaning towards the ‘I love them equally but differently comment. What I can speak on though is the self-righteousness and rudeness expressed in some of these opinions. Hailey wrote this article in a non-judgemental fashion. I understand that people would disagree but the way in which some of you express this is really uncalled for. Geez so judgy. You’re not better than her because you love your babies ‘more’ than your husband and quite frankly I think you didn’t grasp the article (or its humour) at all.

  114. Anon September 25, 2016 at 7:28 pm #

    Cannot tell you how fully I agree. I am surprised at the lack of comprehension of some posters…Yes, you are “what a mom!” I think that it is quite apparent that you have healthy, well cared for, well-adjusted kids who are learning self-confidence and who will hopefully grow up knowing just how well they deserve to be treated in their marriage relationship. My parents were always, always, always first for each other, and I’m so grateful to have grown up in a home where I knew above all else that my parents were secure in their marriage, and that together they would do anything for us. I’m grateful to have grown up seeing my dad treat my mother with love, kindness, and tenderness, and that he treated me that way too, and I knew that any man who really loved me would do nothing less than the same. I’m grateful beyond words that they were each other’s number 1. I don’t feel badly, or shorted, or like I am less than, or that because they are first to eachother that it makes me second by default. Many people are saying it is “different” so they can’t say who they love more… They are right, it is different. My parents are number one to each other, and their kids are their number one together, all of us, even (or especially?) the ones who have passed away. Families are forever. LOVE this article.

  115. Nicole October 13, 2016 at 9:41 am #

    My mom always told me that you put your husband first and you kids a close 2nd. That is what her and my dad did. I never realized this until I was older but by them putting each other first it taught me what I should look for in a relationship. I never felt 2nd I just always felt my Dad and Mom loved each other more than any other parents I knew. I felt stable…like my parents would never divorce. They still have that love for each other. If parents are in love and put their marriage first the love of their marriage will be felt 100 times more by the children. Bravo on this article!

  116. Patsy Franklin October 14, 2016 at 3:49 pm #

    My children are grown now. They came first. Still do. My husband knows it & we are great. 32years & we are still happy!! I take good care of him. Always have. But my children are my children. Can’t even imagine it being your way.

  117. Anonymous October 22, 2016 at 8:59 am #

    What a judgmental group of assholes. Don’t let your opinion differ or you are attacked by a bunch of snarky PTA moms

  118. Anonymous October 26, 2016 at 6:51 pm #

    What if your child’s father cheated on you and you’re now divorced from him and remarried to someone else? Do you put your new husband before your child? My daughter currently comes first, I had her first…..

  119. Anonymous October 27, 2016 at 6:55 am #

    Yes your husband should be a fully functioning autonomous adult while choosing to be a parent ( emphasis on choice) by definition is all the things you say your husband is not or does not do. I guess you know that the way you titled your article is odd and would strike strong responses. The only response that may matter someday, is that of your children to the idea that quantifies love or “loving more”. Perhaps “differently” would be a better qualifier? Just my thoughts.

  120. Insulted reader October 27, 2016 at 10:10 pm #

    I value all the opposing view points. Clearly, relationships and families are diffefent. What works for one, is not the answer for another.

    I usually do not leave critical feedback, but felt compelled. I will not pick sides or argue my perspective of whether my beloved husband or adored children are #1 in my life. However, I will simply point out what I found ironic. The author cleary took a stance on a hot topic that has been effectively be debated. Therefore, it’s an opinion article. She gave us her opinion, yet several times, told the reader (dare I say “ordered” her audience) how they should feel. We were not allowed to form our opinion on the article because were ordered to be grateful for the way she wrote (not too sappy). She expressed her opinion, yet told us not to judge her. There are other examples. Writing an opinion article leaves you vulnerable. People will disagree with you. Please consider being less demanding to future audiences who read your work.

  121. Anonymous October 27, 2016 at 10:15 pm #

    I value all the opposing view points. Clearly, relationships and families are diffefent. What works for one, is not the answer for another.

    I usually do not leave critical feedback, but felt compelled. I will not pick sides or argue my perspective of whether my beloved husband or adored children are #1 in my life. However, I will simply point out what I found ironic. The author cleary took a stance on a hot topic that has been effectively debated. Therefore, it’s an opinion article. She gave us her opinion, yet several times, told the reader (dare I say “ordered” her audience) how they should feel. We were not allowed to form our opinion on the article because were ordered to be grateful for the way she wrote (not too sappy). She expressed her opinion, yet told us not to judge her (denying our own opinion). There are other examples, but in summary writing an opinion article leaves you vulnerable. People will disagree with you. Please consider being less demanding to future audiences who read your work.

  122. Casey November 3, 2016 at 11:07 pm #

    Oh my gosh. I have been saying this for years. Amazing article! I loved every bit if it. I have 8 kids and i would give my own life for them but my husband is my rock. My everything. Thank you for writing this!

  123. Nicole November 4, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

    Great read. Can’t believe some of the negative comments. Go for the boobs, I promise it is a great investment in your marriage.

  124. MCJ November 16, 2016 at 9:55 am #

    I love my partner the most because I don’t believe in God and I don’t have kids (you may wonder why I’m here since I’m British rather than from Austin and I’m not a mom, but I saw the post shared on Facebook and it sounded interesting), but I like to think I’d still feel the same as Haley says she does in this article if we ever did have them. One of the most frightening sounding things about having kids to me is the idea that you can’t be a couple anymore and you have to love each other for your general competence and reliability as parents or because you need the help rather than for the reasons you chose each other in the first place. I feel like thinking about it like Haley does without feeling guilty about it would allow you to be happier.

  125. diane January 5, 2017 at 7:21 pm #

    If my husband and my kids were dangling off a cliff I would save the kids without a second thought. I enjoy spending time with my husband more than I enjoy spending time with my kids but I love my kids so much more than my husband its not even funny.

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