Is there something new in your life that has altered your family’s schedule? Has the schedule that you had worked so hard to set up and everyone was accustomed to changed? Has your partner in crime added things to their plate that have thrown off the whole family schedule? Have they started a new job, for instance, with different hours? Have they started working longer hours? Have they taken a different shift at work? Have they become more involved in other projects that take time away from the family? Does the list go on and on and on?
Any changes in routine can be hard on moms because that means our own routines have to readjust to fit the new demands. They can also be hard on children because they now may spend less time with one parent. Remember that as much as you are struggling to get the new schedule to work, your partner’s schedule has also changed. Demanding that they spend more time at home or “move things around” during work hours may be unrealistic to some. This is especially true if your partner can’t help the changes that his work now demands. Your partner may be trying to make it work just as much as you are. So what can you do? Here are some of suggestions that may hopefully help.
First and foremost, talk it out. Figure out what can make and keep both of you happy. Never blame one another for things you cannot control during this conversation. Try to find a balance that will work for the family using the new schedule. The schedule is the key to having a successful balance. Both partners need to have access to each other’s schedules so that there are no surprises and you can plan your time with your family (or away from them) better.
Make a family date. Schedule in a time when you know you both can dedicate some time for a family event. For instance: schedule a picnic, a movie or even a game night at home. Make sure that your partner understands that this is an appointment like any of their work appointments and is mandatory. There will always be exceptions to this rule especially if your partner is in a time crunch because a deadline was moved or an emergency arouse that can’t be avoided. Help them understand that these are not excuses they can fall back on time and again, though. They are only for real emergency. Crying wolf will not be tolerated. Family appointments are essential and should not be brushed away. These are not just good for your sanity, your kids will be grateful for the time as well.
Don’t put your partner to work on home projects as soon as they walk through the door. I know it’s tempting to want to hand over that honey-do list as soon as you see your partner, but try to remember your partner needs a little time to breathe. Let them unwind with the kids or in their favorite chair for a few minutes before they have to switch from work mode to parent mode. Letting them play with the kids can do wonders for helping them get centered and remember what all that work is really for.
Make a Honey-Do Board and place it somewhere they frequent, but that is not the first thing they see. Again, don’t shove it in their faces. Place it somewhere easily accessible so they can scratch things off of their list at their pace. Don’t put it in your craft room or the laundry room as chances are they will always forget to look there. Trust me.
Sit down and schedule a time for your partner to take things off of the list. For instance, Saturday morning is the time to complete as many tasks as they can from 9-12. Once the lunch bell rings, time is up. Let the kids join in to help keep them motivated. If you can make it a game, chances are your partner will work faster because the kids will be pumping them up. After that they have the rest of the weekend to play and relax without any nagging. Remember they have to be willing participants in all of this. If they start to act like a child that was asked to put his toys away, chances are this step won’t last too long. This step is flexible depending on what your weeks are like. Make sure your partner knows they can change their “shifts” only if they promise to keep to the time they chose.
Give them time to bond with the kids by themselves. When they come home, if they have a little time before bed, let them play. If schedules allow, breakfast also works as a good time for them to sit and chat together before the kids go to school and your partner goes to work. Better still, let him take the kids somewhere by themselves. It could be something simple like going out to the driveway to ride their bikes. This way they get their time and you get some much needed quiet time, even if it’s just half an hour. My favorite is having my husband take over the morning routine a Sunday. I get to sleep in and the kids get papa all to themselves for a while. Papa pancakes are must on those days.
Last but not least, find time for just the two of you. This is easier said than done, trust me, I know. If you are not comfortable getting a baby sitter or have any family nearby, use their bedtime as your time. You may be worn out from the day yourselves so don’t expect to have a dance party in the living room, I mean if you can go for it! Or else have a decadent dessert you don’t have to share with your kids. Prepare a tasty night cap to toast another day with. Cuddle in front of the TV to your favorite movie or show. Sit outside when the weather is nice and just talk about whatever you like. Whatever you decide to do, leave electronic devices out of the equation for a little while and don’t forget the romance!
Whatever you do, don’t let a new schedule weigh you down. We moms have to always be prepared for changes. Sure,maybe you thought that the changes you would face would all have something to do with your kids and adjusting to the different stages in their lives. Don’t forget that you and your partner are a big part of the family, too. You are both allowed your own stages as well. Parenthood is a crazy ride, the least we can do is try to enjoy the journey together.
