austin-moms-blog-elf-on-the-shelf

It is almost Thanksgiving and if you are like me you are getting ready for that little turkey to show up. I’m not talking about the one that we stuff, baste, and roast. I am talking about the one who wears a little red suit and rarely does as his name suggests which is sit on a shelf.

Ah yes, The Elf on the Shelf, or better known in our house as Melvin Elvin. For our family he arrives the day after Thanksgiving and promises a month of good behavior but delivers roughly four weeks of turmoil and angst. For those unfamiliar with this enchanted fairytale creature come to life, let me explain. The story states that Santa keeps a watch on all the children of the world by sending his elves to go live with families and have the elves report back every night. The only rule is you can’t touch him or he will lose his powers. This is a very important rule.

Elf in glass

Melvin has been part of our family for about 8 years but feels like 50. Since his first appearance Melvin and I have developed a love hate relationship. It starts off fun and full of promise but by the end I am elated to shove his skinny butt back in a box and pack him away for 320+ days. Here is a rough timeline of how Melvin’s visit goes each year.

Day 1: Melvin appears in a whimsical fashion of humor and joy. I get creative and find a new way to have the cutie make his entrance. Keep in mind this is Black Friday and the possibility of me being sleep deprived from all night shopping is a real threat. So I plan this one in advance.

Day 2 and 3: I find cute places to hide him the night before so when the girls wake up he is somewhere new and I since it is Saturday and Sunday I can also sleep in. Later on in the day, when the girls are preoccupied and unaware of my presence, I moved him a few times to keep their interest piqued.

Day 4: The first day back to school after the holiday break. I remembered, albeit last second, to move Melvin the night before but the chaos got the best of me and Melvin stayed where he was when we left for the day causing questions to be asked. I brushed them off with excuses like “Melvin probably took a nap while we were gone and didn’t wake up until we returned”.
Explanation accepted.

Day 5: Melvin was moved the night before. Granted after I was almost asleep and his face graced my dreams causing me to jump straight out of bed, fumble in darkness looking for a new sitting place for the little leach to move to. The girls awake and immediately run in to the living room, beginning their search for the beloved yearly visitor. Melvin will greet the girls later that day from his new spot that he was placed in as I was the last one running out the door. Phew!

Day 6: Melvin was moved first thing this morning all while I was looking over my shoulder as if Jason might be lurking around a corner with a hacksaw. Tip, High places only make last second elf moves that much more difficult.

I wake the girls and the morning elf search begins. Once they find him conversations are only about him and somehow morning prep time has become a struggle because the girls are too preoccupied with Melvin. It is about this time I realize that this elf is no longer holding up his end of the contract. I make a mental note to keep a close eye on him. I make a second mental note that I am now making mental notes about a fictional character that I bring to life through my actions. This day is another day Melvin forgot to move before our return but luckily one of the girls remembers my explanation from day 4 and recites it verbatim. Hmm…last week the same child couldn’t seem to remember where she took her shoes off 5 minutes earlier. Whatever! Elf disaster avoided but shoe disappearance still unsolved. Pick your battles.

Day 7: Melvin moved the night before because my husband recognized his wife might become an alcoholic if she doesn’t get some assistance with this damn doll. Now not only are the girls looking for the elf but so am I. See I have to move the doll in red before the girls return home and I need to know where he is in order to do so. I find him but forgot to move him. This is where my teen son comes in play and I now recruit him to assist in this web of lies for his sisters. He moves the elf before they return. Crisis averted.

Day 8: Daddy remembered to move the elf again and he even told me where. Girls find him but seem a little less interested because it was kind of boring where he was. Sigh. I don’t help the cause by forgetting to move him again later that day. Now I am forced to elaborate on my first explanation. I just remind the inquiring minds that Melvin has to travel to the North Pole every night and he is probably sleeping while we are gone. They seem satisfied.

Day 9: It is Saturday and due to feeling like I need to work harder on this farce, I managed to move the elf the night before. Ok, maybe it was equally out of a selfish desire to preserve any extra moments of slumber that is possible. During the day I move the elf to new locations keeping the lie alive.

Day 10: Forgot to move the little devil so I have to run out before the girls wake up and relocate him. Only I didn’t beat them up. My little early risers had been out and were only absent to take a bathroom break. Now I have to answer to the amazement that the elf moved while they were in the restroom. “Yep! He must have moved while you were going potty.” I say while convincing myself that I am not lying because he did in fact move at that time. I just omit that I was the one to cause this action. Thoughts of how this is all wrong begin to enter my head but are quickly shoved out when I hear my girls saying “I am going to be so good today so when Melvin talks to Santa I will go on the good lists.” The little elf is finally fulfilling his promise.

Two hours later…never mind.

Day 11: I moved the elf after the demon gave me nightmares. A 2AM wake up followed by the loss of interest by the girls made for a new found desire to reignite the magic. “I will make this elf seem so fun these girls will want nothing but to be on their best behavior ALL THE TIME.” I proclaim.
Melvin was hiding in a funny place when the girls returned home and just like that the lie lives on.

Day 12-13: All runs smooth and Melvin moves to new places when he is supposed to and the girls think the elf is the best thing ever. I am the best mom to ever walk this planet.

Day 14: Melvin was in a new spot thanks to the husband once again. This attempt was much more interesting than the last. Good job, dad. Then I go and forget to move the elf while the girls were gone. This doesn’t faze them. I figure it is because I have explained it so well with my quick thinking, but quickly learn that is not the case. The youngest begins to tell me about how her friend’s elf does funny things like wrap the tree in toilet paper or make snow angels in flour and Melvin is boring because he doesn’t do that.

EXCUSE ME!!!! What over achieving mom has time to make this mess much less clean it up? A quick Google search causes me to elaborate on that question, “What mom has time to make this mess, clean it up, take pictures, and then post it on Pinterest?”

Don’t worry I got this. “Well honey” I say to my youngest, “ those are bad elves. Santa sent the elves to watch the kids and report back on their good behavior, not act like a crazy monkey let loose from the zoo.”

Take that mom of the year!

Sorry. Lack of sleep and the added stress of living with a tiny Lucifer can really turn a woman. Needless to say I do my elf a bit differently than that mom.

Day 15: Melvin was hiding in a super fun place and the girls seem happy again. They like that he doesn’t make messes they might have to clean up. I may or may not have put that idea in my children’s head.

Upon returning home my oldest daughter seeks out her small friend and I over hear her say that a friend at school got cookies from Mrs. Clause via her elf and she was wondering if Melvin could bring some cookies for her as well.
Does Mrs. Clause make Oreos?

Day 16: Cookies and a note from Mrs. Clause were found upon wake up and all was good. That is until the younger cousin showed up. Remember that rule about not touching? Well turns out 3 year olds don’t follow rules so well. In a matter of 5 seconds I watched, as if in slow motion, my niece run and grab the elf off of the lower hiding spot I had moved Melvin to earlier, my daughter’s faces turn from delight to horror, and the screeches of terror exit their mouths. Now what?

Well you will be happy to know that Melvin was sent off to Santa and he received a magic infusion. He returned to us with a band aid around his arm and the madness would resume.

Day 17-Christmas eve: These days Involve a lot of cursing, wine drinking, and thoughts of how to end this ruler of evil’s reign. On Christmas Eve the girls get to hug and kiss their beloved Melvin and say fair well until next year. I have a different reaction. Now if only I can remember to come up with an elaborate and tragic but not too scarring death scenario before the next Thanksgiving, all will be right with the world once again.

Who am I kidding? See you soon Melvin.

elf hanging

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