“Sex will never be the same,” they said. “Married sex is different,” they said. And they’re were RIGHT — it was NEVER the same, sex did turn out to be different, it turned out to be OFF-THE-CHARTS better.
Top ten reasons sex got BETTER after I was married and after I had a few more candles on my birthday cake.
- I know myself better- I have found this comes with time and only with time – ok maybe with a little courage and curiosity. When I was younger and even while I was dating my husband I just didn’t have as good of a grip on who I was as a woman OR my place in the world or even what I liked and didn’t like. The more my I figured all that out — the better sex became.
- I am comfortable in my own skin- Mostly. I know that my beauty does not rest in my physical attributes but it is rooted in the kind of person that I am. Also, it has to be said that after becoming a mother, and after/even though I gave birth to a child I felt MORE sensual than ever. I felt womanly and proud of my Latin curves. It’s like I took my Sofia Vergara medicine and woke up a new woman. ay ay ay!
- I am able to be fully seen- Literally and figuratively. The lights can stay on! I do not feel the need to turn all the lights off, or wait until dark or even remain shrouded under blankets. There is great power is allowing yourself to be see unadorned and unvarnished. My husband has seen me makeup free in the morning and tired in the evenings and at every point in between — and there’s something freeing about being known that well. There’s something indescribable about standing in all of who you are and being with someone who does the same. There’s no pretense, no façade.
- I do not have ulterior motives- My goal was to marry my champion of a husband, and since that has already happened, everything else is buttercream icing on the cake. Sex is not a bargaining chip or a way to induce behavior (more gifts! or a bigger house! or a hall pass for girl’s weekend!), it’s a way to connect physically and emotionally. It is absolutely my home base and I love it.
- I am IN love- I love my husband. Have I already said that? Sorry, not sorry. Having sex while being IN love is freakin’ awesome, it just means more — sometimes it even feels profound. There are times when I unexpectedly see my husband across a crowded room my heart skips a beat – and for that I am lucky. I try to not take that feeling for granted.
- I am acting from a place of love-I am not acting out of fear or rejection or hope. I am simply communicating my love and having fun while doing it! I am aware that physical touch is a love language and sex is part of that.
- I am being loved and respected-This is HUGE for me. As a victim of sexual assault it took me a long time to sort out what sex should be like. It took years for me to figure out what I wanted out of sex. Was it about power and being degrading? Did I always have to be submissive? Was it mean? Or on the other hand, was sex dirty? Did good girls have sex? There were so many questions wrapped up in it – and it was very confusing. After a lot of therapy I concluded that sex is wonderful and a powerful way to connect when used properly and in the right context. For me the right context was in a loving and respectful relationship with my husband. Some ladies are able to be ‘Samantha Jones esque’ bravo for them, but that NEVER worked for me.
- I feel safe-I do not feel like I am going to be forsaken or degraded or even judged. Refer back to #7. I know my husband will always “call the next morning” and so I am able to relax physically and mentally. I feel loved and valued for ALL of who I am. And I know — that I know –that I know — that my husband always has my best interest in mind.
- I am not in my head-I am not thinking about groceries or what my husband is going to think of me if ______________. I am not wondering what he is thinking as I slip off my denim shorts, he’s excited of course! I am not wondering if I am loved, or what my body looks like. Being worried about what my body looks like during sex is a sure fire way to tense up. And ladies, when we tense up we know what does NOT happen – and that’s just unacceptable! 😉
- I am connecting with a man I so deeply love-Sex is not the basis of our marriage, but connection certainly is and I’m in it to win it. I think part of having a strong relationship means two people treat their relationship with honor and a sort of reverence. And making an effort to get-in-on regularly and enjoy each other in that way (even when we are tired from long days) makes a WORLD of difference – and there’s always pep in my step when we do.
Have you found that sex gets better after marriage or that sex gets better with age?
