Dear Friends and Family,
I regret to inform you that you will not be receiving a Christmas card from our family this year.
It’s not that you didn’t make the cut or that I’ve lost your address. It’s the simple fact that I’m trying to keep a tiny human alive and can barely find the time to brush my teeth on a daily basis. Based on that, I’m sure as hell not going to get my act together enough to send out Christmas cards. Props to all of you who can brush your teeth and send out Christmas cards. I want to be like you when I grow up!
Sure, in a perfect world, I’d love it if our family found ourselves with enough available funds to hire a professional photographer that could perfectly catch us frolociking in an enchanted forrest, while I’m looking college-skinny, my 4-month-old is smiling, and my husband is lovingly looking on at us like he’s won the lottery.
But that’s just not going to happen this year.
In our real world right now, the picture you would receive of us this year would be of me, with a shirt that has buttons so that my boobs would be available for a nurse-mergency (aka screaming baby) and my hair in a top knot (not the cute kind…. literally a knot). I’d look 10 pounds heavier than I would like, despite the fact that husband and I have been clean eating since babe was about 4 weeks old. You’d see some resemblance of makeup on my face, however, I think I’ve literally forgotten how to put on eyeliner. And when I do put it on, I feel like I look like I’m going to the prom.
My son, as precious as he is, would undoubtedly have spit up all over himself, poop up the back, and have a slight head tilt to the right thanks to all those nights I stuck him in the Rock ‘N Play and refused to adjust his noggin just so he could get a restful 32 minutes of sleep.
And then there’s my husband. Unlike me, our clean eating has had a profound effect on his physique. Now that I think of it, I should probably just send you a Christmas card with a picture of him. He’s down 20 lbs, well rested, and has never looked better in his life. Oh, the irony.
Despite the fact that you aren’t receiving a card from us this year, please know we truly are sending you and yours good tidings, blessings, etcetera. My apologies that I couldn’t pull it together enough to send you an actual card this year. Here’s to hoping next year we can bring our A game.
Merry Everything, friends!
