Am I Selfish?

Friday was hard for me. Waking up to more bad news of another terrorist attack. Another hate-filled massacre. A crime that took a son and father that lived down the road from me. I’m filled with fear and questions. Lots of questions.

Raising Children in a World of Hate and Fear | Austin Moms Blog | Erin Ruoff

Why God? Why are you allowing all these precious lives to be taken? These daughters, sons, mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers are all not ready for you. They still have to play baseball, scuff up knees, fall in love, see their grand babies, walk their daughter down the aisle, and on and on. It’s not time for these children to meet you.

So I’m filled with questions that keep flowing and keep me up at night.

Am I selfish for bringing a child into the world we live in?

Am I selfish for wanting my baby to stay a baby so he won’t ever have to understand what hate is?

Am I selfish for wanting to keep him home away from the world?

Am I selfish?

Raising Children in a World of Hate and Fear | Austin Moms Blog | Erin Ruoff

It’s hard to watch these attacks now once or twice a month. My husband and I were making a plan if something were to happen at an airport. YES! We live in a world where two normal people have a conversation about a plan if there is terrorist attack nearby. So tell me…

How do you watch the news without crying?

How do you leave the house without fear?

How do I raise my child without seeing this hate?

How do I make sure he is safe at all moments of the day?

Raising Children in a World of Hate and Fear | Austin Moms Blog | Erin Ruoff

The only thing I can think of is to pray and hope that the rest of the world will pray. I’ll try my hardest to raise a child with love and compassion, to have courage and be kind. And hope that the rest of the world will do the same. My fears are strong but my love for my child is stronger and that’s all I can guarantee.

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” – Albus Dumbledore

 

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One Response to Am I Selfish?

  1. Jillien July 17, 2016 at 8:35 pm #

    I think some of the same thoughts. I also think about our future in terms of having another child. I am starting to question whether or not we will bring another baby into this world because I too wonder if it is selfish, as the world is getting so scary! But all we can do is continue to do the best to raise our babies to be part of the “good” that still does exist! And pray every day!

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