In Defense of the Helicopter Mom

Since entering the blogging world, I’ve been introduced to a term I never knew existed. The phrase is “Helicopter Mom,” and let me tell you… it ain’t pretty. She is typically painted as an over-bearing, anti-social, anxious woman who has trouble “letting go.”

While my son is just under a year old, I have yet to have an interaction with a Helicopter Mom in a social setting. I mean at this point, I’d consider all of my first-time-mom-friends to be Helicopter Moms… myself included. We’ve all got babies and we are hovering over them like lunatics. Studying tiny black and white screens like mad women to confirm our little one’s chest is rising and falling, tracking every nap down to the millisecond, and counting every piece of food and ounce of milk that goes into our sweet baby’s mouth like our life depended on it.

Right now, my mom-friends and I seem to be in the same boat. We’re all crazy-obsessed with everything our little one does. The thought that one day in the future I’ll be type-casted as a Helicopter Mom when I choose to follow my son down the slide instead of sit on the picnic table with other moms feels devastating. Unless what I’m doing will directly affect the well-being of your child, why will you care how I play with mine? How am I supposed to flip the switch from obsessing about everything to just… not?

I realize that in order for my son to grow into a productive, happy adult I need to give him space. Letting him grow and learn on his own without me right there. I know all of these things… I just fear it may take me a while to get brave enough to do it.

See, the truth is that I grew up with a Helicopter Mom. She was a mother-hoverer and her world revolved around her kids. She double wrapped my school-lunch sandwiches in plastic wrap. My mom was right next to me for every fall on the playground. She sat outside in the car during every 30-minute piano lesson (with no cellphone to check Facebook…gasp!). When I came home from first grade in tears because my teacher was “mean,” she called the school and tried to figure out what happened. In college, I was a thousand miles away from home and was mistreated by an advisor… my mom called then too. I’m glad I had a Helicopter Mom, and the truth is that I hope I end up just like her.

When I was seven, I was at the same park as a little girl who was abducted and her life ended tragically. This is something that has affected me and my family forever. I’ve also worked for years in a profession where I’ve seen parents watch their children endure painful procedures, devastating illnesses and in some unimaginable cases even watch their child take their last breath. They would give anything to hover again… and maybe they ARE the ones you see hovering over children on the playground, schoolyard or ball field.

My point is just that we have all have things in our life that makes the parents we are today. We’re all different, so we all parent differently. So, as I try to navigate the balance of smothering versus standing back, please be patient with me. I may stay a little too close for a little too long. I hope it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Some support from moms like you who know how to relax on the park bench while your little ones play may be just the thing I need.