There are many dreams we had of our future spouse as young girls. From tall, dark, and handsome to maybe even what type of job they would have or your home together. One thing that never entered my mind was the hours my husband would be working. I mean duh, 9-5 is what everyone works right?
Except no it’s not. For many of us weird or long hours are a way of life. Having a spouse that works weird or long hours is hard. Period. But there is usually a good reason that they have those hours. This doesn’t touch one socioeconomic class. Your spouse may work nights at a second job at a convenient store or might be the emergency room surgeon — it can affect us all. My husband has worked primarily evening shift (usually 2pm – midnight) since we first started dating and loves his job.
Long or weird hours present difficulties for stay at home and working moms alike. If you’re a stay-at-home mom you are constantly either having to keep your kids quiet (good luck with that newborn) or out of house while your spouse sleeps. If you’re a working mom it means that not only does he miss dinner and bedtime, but there are some days you may not see him at all!
But just as we’ve always been told if we look hard enough there are some positives about spouses working long hours as well:
You really do become Super Mom
Having to juggle your kids, groceries, cleaning, cooking, pets, etc for even a day makes anyone deserving of a margarita, but when this becomes your norm you deserve a cape and a pitcher! Moms that don’t get a break unless it’s their spouses’ day off and sometimes not even then. But there is a beauty in even this too. It means we don’t have time to question ourselves or our decisions. It means when we need help we ask because we don’t have time or energy to put on a show. This also makes you become more confident in your mothering abilities and more willing to help out when other mothers are in the same situation as you.
Night Duty
This one may be different depending on the family and spouse but with my husband’s schedule he was always up during the nights. If he gets off on time (midnight – 2am) he goes to bed around 6am. I can count on my two hands how many times I had to get up with our first child because he always took care of him. Even when I was breastfeeding he would bring him to me. If your spouse works true nights then maybe this is something you can enjoy on their nights off!
Communication is Always a Priority
I’ve read many articles and books about couples who have to relearn how to communicate with one another but if your spouse works weird hours it is kind of your only lifeline. You learn quickly that if you don’t communicate in big ways you can feel taken for granted or just lonely. All forms of communication become your favorite thing, from emails, calls, texts, to oh the lovely facetimes. It keeps you not only aware of day to days but more importantly connected. The reality is that there may be weeks that the majority was spent apart and maintaining that connection is vital.
Time Together is Sacred
This one sounds a bit cliche but it really isn’t. When your spouse works long or weird hours the time you have together as a family and as a couple becomes special. Sometimes it is hard to be apart but this time makes you miss them. I am always excited to see my husband to the point of butterflies even if we’re just watching Ninja Turtles for the umpteenth time. You don’t have time to get as bored with them or take them for granted. This also goes for time with our children. Seeing my husband spend time as a father makes me happier than anything else on earth and our son adores him.
What do you appreciate about a spouse that works unusual hours?
