Are You a “Yes” Person or a “No” Person?

It’s seems too me like there’s tons of moms out there who struggle when they have to tell other people “No.”  They’re simultaneously the room mom, the PTA president, the swim team board member, the HOA secretary, and they have four kids. In their defense, for the most part, they generally like this type of thing. But they often feel overloaded because they just hate saying “No.” It’s a legitimate challenge for them. Not me.

I am a “no” person if there ever was one. Need me to take out your dog while you are on your vacation? Let me check my calendar. You want me to be the room mom AND go to the room mom informational meeting that I sat through last year? Sorry, can’t be there. Fill me in with an email. You want me to come to your kid’s birthday party when I already have at least one weekend obligation? Mark me as a maybe. A parent coffee at preschool on the only day of the week I have no kids in tow? Ain’t nobody got time.

Gasp if you must, but there’s a corner of the population who legitimately needs time and space in their day to recooperate from life. Truly, I remember thinking when I was pregnant with my first child that he would be a great excuse to get to leave parties early. (I realize how sad this is.) What I didn’t understand was that for every one adult party (the fun ones) I got to leave early, I’d have about 10 kid’s birthday party invitations.

And then there’s this reality.  All my “yes” friends are the ones who are there for ME.  My mother in law — she’s a yes person. She’s always there for our family. My acquaintance neighbor who shows up when I host a clothing party? Would I have done the same if she was hosting? That same neighbor was at three birthday parties last weekend AND a baby shower. And we all want people to come to OUR kids’ birthday parties, don’t we? I don’t give my kids real birthday parties, but I might someday. My friend who willingly takes my kids at the drop of a dime when we have a minor emergency? These yes people show up, and it goes a long way.

These people have softened my heart because they are so kind to me.  And I have to question if I would have been as thoughtful towards them first. It’s got me thinking. Maybe I should take note of the things and people I value and reevaluate why I default to saying no. Instead of overprotecting my time and space, maybe I can consider what my “yes” communicates to people. Yes, I value you. I’m there for you. You are special to me.

Of course, you’ve got to be careful. Don’t say yes so much that you become stretched too thin, frazzled and moody about all of your obligations. Don’t say yes so much that it forces you to say no to other things you value more. But, if you’re a “no” person, I have a feeling that’s probably not your struggle. So, fellow “no” moms, here’s to figuring out what matters to us and showing up a little more.