be-anxious-for-nothing

I don’t really have that many skills.

Some people tell me I’m good at writing, but really, I just write lots of things about how effing hard it can be to raise kids, and everyone can relate to that, so it’s less about being a good writer, and more about being relatable.

I can read and type faster than most people I know.

I’m pretty good at step aerobics. Yep, that’s still a thing. It didn’t disappear with the 90s.

That’s about it, though.

Except for this one other thing I really do excel at. I mean, I am downright gifted when it comes to this thing. I will take you on, and beat you, ANY day at this thing. Yes, the thing that I am best at in all the world is…worrying.

When I was a kid, I spent an inordinate amount of time worrying that something bad was going to happen to my parents. Cancer. A car accident. Maybe they’d just leave in the night and I’d never see them again.

Once I got married, my worries transferred over onto my husband, the lucky guy. I’ll have to share with you sometime the story…the saga, really…of that one time I was convinced he had male breast cancer.  Male breast cancer actually is a thing, and it isn’t funny. It’s just that as it would happen in THIS case, my husband’s nipple discoloration was eventually attributed to running, sweat, and a weird reaction to a dry fit shirt, and not to cancer (as I found out about two weeks, three doctors appointments, and a worry-ulcer later).

Parents. Husband. And then…oh and THEN…I had kids. My babies. The good news is, they got my husband off the worry “hook.” The bad news? They became my worry’s new “catch.”

Kids bring out a bit of worry in all mothers, I’m sure. It’s almost unavoidable. Our children are the things most precious to us in all the world. But there’s “normal” and then there’s “me.” My husband refers to me as WebMD, because over the years, I have “diagnosed” my children with all of the below-listed afflictions, based SOLELY on my internet-research, combined with my “gut instinct” (my gut absolutely does not have any instinct, by the way):

  • autism
  • ADHD
  • Cancer. Lots and lots of cancer
  • a malfunctioning kidney
  • a malfunctioning liver
  • juvenile onset arthritis
  • Bird Flu
  • I think Swine Flu
  • I definitely contracted listeria after accidentally forgetting to heat up some lunch meat when I was pregnant one time

I could go on and on for days, but I’m pretty sure with each bullet point, I become slight more crazy in your eyes, and you are second-guessing your decision to even read something written by someone so clearly unstable.

When my oldest son was three years old…a legitimate health scare came around, though. “Legitimate” as in, for once, I wasn’t the ONLY person concerned, but my husband, and child’s pediatrician were as well.  A lot of doctors visits, exams, blood work, and MRIs later, thankfully, everything ended up being fine.  But there was a period of about a month where I didn’t know that…and the worry almost ate me alive. It forced me to deal head on with my issue though, and as is typically the case with these things, I did a lot of growing during that time.

Here are just a FEW of the things I personally have learned about worry:

  • Worry doesn’t do anything to ensure that the future pans out in your favor, but it absolutely does just RUIN the present. It actually makes me sad to reflect on how many moments there have been throughout my life that were INTENDED to be savored, but instead were spent in my own head, stewing over a possible fate that I had no ability to control anyway. “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” (Corrie ten Boom)
  • Having a “worry problem” really just means that you have a “control problem.”  You either think you CAN control the outcome of all things, or you think that you OUGHT to be able to.  Neither is true. You can’t, and you shouldn’t, and a lot of freedom comes from just recognizing that fact. There are things that are simply outside of your control. Accept it, and then go on about your life.  

14359204_10154663773307526_2257619590462086137_n

 

  •  You have to train your mind. I remember hearing someone say one time that “worry is just another form of meditation.” When you worry, you are practicing focused thinking. You are ruminating on the same thoughts over and over again all day… “what IF this?”, “what IF that?”, “what will I do IF?”, etc etc etc. IF you are going to let your mind ruminate on something over and over all day long, why not come up with four or five POSITIVE things to replace those thoughts with? I know it sounds hokey, and like it won’t work…and it won’t, at first. But eventually, you can re-train your brain.
  • So what kinds of positive things can you fill your mind with? In every situation that you are facing, no matter how many negative/hard/bad/sad things may be a part of it, try to find SOMETHING in the midst of it all that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy.  If you look, you will find something.  
  •   Two books that I highly recommend to help you deal with worry, and learn how to re-train your brain are “Calm my Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillow, and “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz. 

 

A while ago, I read a book called “The Hiding Place” written by Corrie ten Boom. Corrie recalls a time when she was a child, and she was sharing with her father some of her fears about the future. Her father asked her, “Corrie, whenever you and I get on the train together, when do I hand you your ticket?”  Corrie thinks about it, and answers “right before we get on the train.”  Her father asks her why she thinks this is the case? Why does he not hand her the ticket further in advance? She is unsure of the answer.  The reason, he explains to her, is that she doesn’t need to deal with the burden and responsibility of keeping up with the ticket for so long, prior to boarding the train. She can trust that he will give it to her at the time she NEEDS it, and not a second before. Corrie goes on to tell her readers how she believes it is the same way in life. We want to be ready NOW for all the “what ifs” of the future.  That is too much weight to carry though. Instead, we ought to trust that we will be provided with all the strength, wisdom, and courage we need, to handle whatever may come, AS it happens, but not beforehand. That piece of advice has always stuck with me.  

In case you don’t believe me that worry and anxiety have been a real struggle throughout my life, check out this tattoo I got a few years ago. A reminder to myself, in my very own writing to “be anxious for nothing”:

untitled-design-10

I will leave you with one last piece of advice. It’s maybe the most important of all the things I’ve learned. You ready for it?  

STAY OFF OF GOOGLE! 

Don’t be a “Web MD” like me.   Google is a scary world..a world where you can determine a runny nose is cancer, faster than you can just get a kleenex to wipe it up. I’m telling you..it ever ends well on Google.  Just don’t go there.

 

Hayley Hengst
Hello AM readers! I'm Hayley. Stay-at-home mom to three boys/angels/tyrants (primarily tyrants). Most days, I am very content in that role. Other days, well, you know how it goes. I absolutely love writing for Austin Moms Blog. I also love: books, bubble baths, Mexican food, porch swings, and traveling. I hate: the hustle and bustle of trying to get out the door, on time, with all three of my kids. Seriously, I just kind of give up. You can read more about my crazy crew at www.motherfreaking.com!

1 COMMENT

  1. Love this!!! Philippians 4:6-7 are definitely verses I hold onto, as well, in life, especially as a Mama. Have also found the Corrie Ten Boom story/book incredibly poignant; her testimony is amazing. Training the mind: the KEY, as you said, to living with less anxiety; Isaiah 26:3.

    Am really enjoying your articles, especially this one; so much truth!!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here