worst-parenting-advice

When you have a large belly protruding from a loose maxi dress and are waiting in line to purchase a large sandwich, other patrons often assume you’re pregnant. “When are you due?” they ask following with, “enjoy this time and get some rest! You may not get a full night of sleep for a long time.”

Fair enough. It’s true, you will likely be getting minimal sleep in the beginning because your baby will be hungry and getting used to living outside of a cushy water bed with constantly flowing food and the best white noise machine ever. Usually the person saying this is a parent and usually they don’t stop there. For some reason, when they see someone growing a human, they feel the need to offer their advice. I learned quickly to smile, accept the no sleep comment, and quickly begin playing with my phone because I knew I did not want to hear what came next.

Sleep when your baby sleeps.

This is great in theory but a power nap isn’t nearly as powerful when your newly found mama sense is telling you your baby could wake at any moment. The bark of a dog 5 miles away could wake you because you are so nervous something will happen to the tiny human you are supposed to keep alive. Also, if you sleep when your baby sleeps there is no time for eating, laundry, cleaning, or watching “The Real Housewives of New York.”

Enjoy every moment, it goes by so fast.

Tell that to the woman in front of you in the Target line again when she hasn’t slept in more than 24 hours and she’s buying emergency diapers and a new outfit for her naked baby that just had a blow out all over her car when she tried to venture out of her house.

Going back to work so soon? Your baby needs you right now!

Have you seen the parental leave policies in America? Please tell that to my work who gave me 6 weeks “off.” Also, I love my kid and I love my work and that’s okay! I can give my full energy to my kiddo because I enjoy my work when I’m working and my kiddo when I’m not working.

Don’t lose your passions just because you’re a mom.

A nice way of saying don’t be a stay-at-home mom. You can’t win. They judge you if you work, they judge you if you stay at home. Just because moms stay home with their kids doesn’t mean they lose their passions! For many, momming becomes the ultimate passion, or funds don’t allow for childcare. Some moms are working while being a stay-at-home mom.

When are you having another? You don’t want them to be too far apart. 

Maybe when I decide to let my husband touch me again after a watermelon-sized head emerged from my body after 24 hours of the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Maybe when I’m not waking up every 2 hours to feed, cuddle, and calm a tiny crying human. Maybe when I forget what it was like to feel like a zombie every day. Then I’ll have another.

You’re still nursing, co-sleeping, and wearing your toddler?! You’re creating unhealthy attachment.

Have you seen that kid? Because I’ve never seen a happier toddler. It works for us!

Boys will be boys.

Really? Because I’ve seen plenty of boys that don’t bite, hit, try to wrestle, and grab my child and many girls who do. Being a boy doesn’t give license to be a jerk.

You shouldn’t let her get so dirty.

I’m not going to stop a determined toddler from playing with rocks and dirt, no matter the gender. She’s building her immunity, exploration skills, and learning a lot about what not to eat. Clothes are washable and girls love to get dirty just as much as boys. Trying to keep my girl out of the dirt would be a losing game anyhow, if it’s not dirt on her clothes, it’s food in her hair.

Watch out, (s)he’s gonna be a heartbreaker!

Really? Because she’s two and just sharing her toys which is what I taught her to do without any thought as to hearts she might be breaking when she’s 20…30…35.

One day you’ll learn.

But it’s been a lot of days and I still feel like I’m on a learning curve. Each day it’s something new, each year a different challenge. What if I always feel like I’m floundering through motherhood?  My head above water just enough to take a breath. What if I don’t learn?

You are enough.

People say this often but it’s hard to take in because sometimes, you simply aren’t. We need partners and grandparents, friends, babysitters, teachers, coaches, the nice lady at Target who tells you you’re doing a good job while your toddler is screaming because she’s already had her snack and it’s too close to dinner time. I’m not enough, and that’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to meet your needs so you can be a better parent.

Bad parenting advice will never stop. Everyone feels the need to give their two cents on raising your kiddo. Whether it’s a well meaning relative or judgey mom, the advice will come, it’s how you receive it that will determine how you parent. I got a lot of bad advice, especially during those early days, but the best advice I’ve ever received is the advice I wish all the advice givers would hear.

No one knows what your baby needs except you.

Every kid is different, every parent is different. Every kid is born with a personality, sure we help to shape it a little but we never could have predicted how they would turn out. Sometimes — most of the time — things don’t go the way you thought.

Your great aunt who was telling you to let your baby cry it out? She couldn’t have predicted your baby would cry for three hours straight. That nice mom friend you met in the new mommy group? She couldn’t have predicted your husband would be laid off soon after the new baby came when she told you being a stay-at-home mom was the only way to do it. She couldn’t have predicted your kid would love day care and it would help them get socialized. The judgemental lactation consultant couldn’t have known the pain you’d be in from double mastitis when she sang “breast is best” every time she entered your hospital room. 

Drown out those voices with your own, tell yourself, and your new mom friends you’re doing the best you can, no one knows what your baby needs except you

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