10 Things No One Tells You About Having a Boy

Having a Boy

You can read all the books you want but there are still some things no one tells you about having a boy.

Here are 10 things that surprised me about having a boy: 

The Appetite is Constant

I was actually told about this one but it was more of a “just wait till he’s a teenager” kind of thing. Nope, this kicked in at birth. We used to spend weekends constantly nursing and by age three he was easily eating his own entree. At near four he out eats me at every meal. There is no end to “I’m hungry” and no bottom to his stomach.

Diapers are Worse

For pee this is more if your little man is circumcised. For the first week or so while they have their bandaging on, and the diapers might as well not even be there. Every time they pee everything will need to be changed, their clothes, bedding, your clothes, etc. If he’s uncircumcised then poops are like which crevice could it still be in. As you can imagine this takes forever and usually ends up with you getting peed on while he giggles (side note: bodily functions are ALWAYS hilarious to boys).

Everything is a Weapon

I have yet to meet a boy that this isn’t true for. Maybe there is a super gentle one out there but not in our neighborhood. It might be a gun, laser, light saber, ninja sword…the list is endless. Bottom line is that they are all weapons and your boy must hit something with them so look out.

They are Emotional Too

It is a common misconception that boys are less emotional than girls and this just isn’t the case. Boys hurt and are incredibly empathetic. They have to learn like anyone else how to control and handle their emotions because they get some pretty big ones.

They are Rough

I can’t explain it but they are just rough and tumble. I’m sure this is not just a boy thing but statistically boys do end up the ER and break bones more often than girls. Maybe they are more clumsy than girls? I don’t know. I just know when they are racing around the playground the boys end up pushing each other and someone always ends up face planting or trying to do a cool landing and rips their pants (this literally happened today and my son’s teacher got it on video just by chance).

They are Dirty

There is a quote that says the definition of boys is noise with dirt on it and that pretty much sums up this point. My son and his cousin recently came in from outside with filthy faces. When my sister in law asked where they got chocolate my son let us know it was just dirt they put on their face…why? That’s a mystery we’ll never know, but I am 100% sure it will happen again.

They are Lovey

Boys can be the roughest thing you’ve ever seen and still be the best cuddler you’ll ever know. They have tender hearts and there is just something special about a boy and his momma. He’ll want you when things get tough or overwhelming or just to kiss away an owie. Soak up every moment.

They Have Way Less Clothing Choices

It sucks and you’ll usually go to more than one store if you’re looking for something specific. Don’t believe me? Next time you’re in target just walk by the baby/toddler section and see that easily 75-80% of the section is dedicated to girls. I get it but it still stinks.

They Have Way More Toy Choices

The injustice of clothes pays off when you get to the toy section! Boys toys are so much cooler than girls that now lego makes specific legos geared toward girls. Plus if you have a boy like mine who could care less about gender roles you’re open to the entire toy section! It is seriously hard to turn down a trip to look at toys. I feel like there is a world that I missed out on as a kid. But be warned if you’re not a seasoned Lego maker, keep the instruction booklet!

Penises Have a Mind of Their Own

Last but not least is the granddaddy of them all, the penis. I really felt like I had this one figured out a few months in, and then potty training came. Did you know that in the morning that thing can spray all over? Like a literal sprinkler attached to a person’s body? Because I did not and neither did my two year old when he woke up one morning and i sat him on the potty and it went EVERYWHERE. And if you think that they won’t be as amazed by it at a young age, think again. It is about the coolest thing ever. They will play with it, yank on it, and run around naked. If you’re the least bit prudish (giant arrow pointing to me) get ready to be out of your comfort zone and embrace it. It’s not bad, it’s just natural, but please aim down.

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