I received a text from a friend this morning:
“Yesterday was a very low day for me… I run by this junior high every other day and pass by this hurdle… I decided to try and jump it… and almost sprained my ankle! Good thing no one was around because I would have become a meme!”
Several thoughts passed through my mind:
“BAHAHHAHAHA” was the first.
“Holy sh*t, she’s running every other day? She like JUST had a baby!”
“I wish someone was there to take her picture, I would never let her live it down.”
“She’s brave as hell to try to jump that! I bet she peed.”
The best part about getting this text was that it came to me in the midst of the morning chaos. Just coming off of a 12-hour shift, a to-do list that is sky high, dealing with a cranky toddler and then trying to walk a dog who is annoying me while simply and sweetly just craving my affection… I could just picture it. The Olympic melody playing in her head, the quick check around the park to make sure no one was watching, leaving her baby in the stroller just a few feet away so she could have her “moment.” And then the fall. The slow fall from two feet up in the air, down to the ground and then a hobble back to the house. Damn, she is fearless.
Being a mom is scary as hell. So many things to worry about, so many things you don’t know, so many things you get wrong, so many things you can’t control. But, whether we realize it or not, the opportunities to overcome our fears are limitless.
Whether it was the sudden, transformative act of birthing a baby or perhaps the slower more gradual change I’ve experienced in this role of “mom,” or both, I don’t know… but, I have found a confidence that comes from within. It’s fearless motherhood.
I am the only one in this world who gets to be “mom” to this child. I am the only one who gets to bask in the beauty of our unique, life-altering relationship. Along with his dad, I am the one who gets to make a daily impact on his soul and help him navigate all that life throws his way. It’s me, it’s us… and that has given me a sense of strength I have never found in myself before.
While I still at times can become considerably overwhelmed by my own personal falls from the hurdle so-to-speak, or the number of failures and “learning experiences” as I continue this journey of motherhood, I’m also aware of this deep trust within myself that shapes my decisions. I may get it wrong nine times out of ten, but I want to continue to be aware of my fearlessness to keep giving it another try.
So while we may not always make it over the hurdle, we can find the opportunities to try it again and again. #fearlessmotherhood