Charlottesville

By Dr. Michelle Reyes

I’ve spent a lot of time this past week watching the news about the sad, hate-filled protests in Charlottesville, Virginia. I’m sure you have too. It’s an event that is rocking our country in more ways than one, and odds are that our kids (even elementary age ones) are noticing.

Kids always seem to be in the room when parents are watching the TV – your kiddos may have been in the living room with you at least once this past week while news of Charlottesville was broadcasted – and, whether we realize it or not, these messages of hate are reaching them explicitly or implicitly. As I sit watching the news, I’m becoming more convinced that this is a good moment for us as mothers to think through how to explain such difficult, tragic and disgusting events to our kids in a way that is simple, helpful and productive.

Charlottesville will not be an isolated incident in our country; I am sure of that. More events like this are coming, and it’s time that we addressed this issue with our child, for the sake of their own heart and for the future of race relations in our country.

I would highly recommend sitting down and having a “talk” with your child (age 3+) this week, and when you do, include the following three ideas at an age-appropriate level:

First, just bring up the subject of Charlottesville. 

You could ask them a whole-range of questions, from “Hey! Do you know where Charlottesville, Virginia is?” to “Have you heard what’s been happening there?” and “What do you think about what’s going on?” Mommas will do more for their kids than they realize when they take the initiative to engage their kids and invite them to share their own thoughts and feelings on a subject matter.

If your child is young (Pre-k), perhaps just showing them where Charlottesville is on a map and telling them that there are mean people there who are not treating others the way they should is enough for a first conversation. You may even just want to focus on talking with your three- or four-year-old about how we should treat people, especially those who are different from us in a wide variety of ways.

However, older kids will look to you for direction, feedback and help in processing the matter, especially if they’ve been watching the news themselves or have heard disruptive remarks at school and on social media.

Regardless of age, there are some important facts to share in age-appropriate fashion with your kids about the events in Charlottesville this past week:

  1. It was an angry protest that turned violent;
  2. The people that started the protest are racists (I know I’m opening a whole can of worms by suggesting this, but if your kids never hear anyone condemn such events, they might actually start to think these things are normal and ok);
  3. The term “racist” means that a person thinks he or she is better or superior than someone else because of their skin color, heritage and/or culture.

Now, if your child is a bit older, you may even want to talk about various racist groups; the groups present in Charlottesville are called Neo-Nazis and White Supremacists. In essence, they think less of people that are not white Americans, and many of them are protesting because they want this country to only have white Americans in it.

This is where your conversations should start. But, certainly, all of these basic facts about Charlottesville may spur on more dialogues with your child, and that’s where dialogues on our country’s racist history should come in.

Hence, second, point out to your child that Charlottesville is a reminder for us all that we are not past the race problem in our country. 

It’s important for your child to know that this is not the first act of racism in U.S. history. In fact, we have struggled with treating others kindly (that’s putting it lightly!) since our nation was born.

If your child is young, I wouldn’t go into the details of tragic, historical moments. It may be enough to just bring this issue to their attention. I think it’s not only ok, but even good and necessary to let your child know that the world is not a perfect, little utopia. Life is hard, and it has always been hard. The sooner they learn this, the sooner they can begin to recognize strategies and solutions to the problems of our world.

However, if your kids are older, you could provide historical examples – with particular emphasis on children who have been impacted by racism – in order to personalize this problem. If you don’t know any stories, this might actually be a good time to sit down and Google some with your child. I would start with the recent tragedies of Tamir Rice or Trayvon Martin. If you think your child is ready, perhaps learning about the tragic, brutal death of the 14-year-old, African American boy, Emmett Till, would not be out of place either. When you read these stories (be it just via Wikipedia), give your child space to let the events sink in. Help them empathize with these other boys and girls who have suffered such terrible tragedies due to racism, and even talk about what they would have felt or done if they had been in their shoes.

Third, turn your conversations about Charlottesville into activism. 

If we really care and are bothered by the problem of racism in our country, we will do something about it. I suggest choosing one activity that you can do together with your child. For example, you could draw a picture of unity in specific or abstract forms and then hang it up on the wall; you could make a poster with a message of love on it, e.g., “Everyone is Welcome” and have your child bring it to school; older kids can even write a letter to the mayor or their city council members saying that they would like to fight against such racist riots from happening in our city. What an incredible example these sorts of small-scale activism can be for a child!

Our hope in all of this is that, as we grow our children to critically think about and respond to events like Charlottesville, we are investing in our future, a future in which our children seek racial reconciliation not hate, acceptance not judgement and, ultimately, unity not division.

 

Dr. Michelle Reyes is a pastor’s wife, German professor and mom to a toddler. She writes about faith, family and diversity, and is passionate about empowering all women in their roles as mothers, wives and sisters. Michelle also co-founded the urban, multicultural church, Church of the Violet Crown, in Austin with her husband and Lead Pastor, Aaron Reyes. You can learn more about her at her personal blog, The Art of Taleh, and at www.churchofthevioletcrown.com.

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