austin-moms-blog-in-defense-of-the-put-together-mom

The Put Together Mom….just the title conjures up defenses in many of us. There is no such thing! No one is REALLY a put together mom!! Except that there are. This is not about how I am one, or how you could/should be one, or that they don’t exist. We all know the mom, no matter whether she’s in a power suit or yoga pants, she exudes composure. Her hair is decent even if in a neat ponytail, she never seems flustered, and she can always tell you what day of the week it is. In researching the put together mom, I found a lot of articles against the them and then some on how to look like one. It made me curious why we argue how unnecessary it is to be put together, but at the same time want to seem like we were put together? Yes I just confused myself with that sentence too. However, once I reached out to a few moms that definitely are “put together” it seemed obvious why this was the case. I am here to explain not only why we shouldn’t hate them, but why we should embrace them.

1. They aren’t put together to be better than anyone: These women are still mothers and usually are put together either out of necessity or because that is just their personality. Many of them have adjusted to their changing lifestyles and just excel at adaptation. They are not X-Men mutants even if they may sometimes seem super! They may make such amazing pinterest displays that you imagine it took them weeks while in reality they do them because they like doing it (I seriously found an article defending the Pinterest Mom and want to have her over for wine) and usually it only took them a couple hours. They are not trying to win the motherhood game because they don’t view life as a competition. Most are just like you or me… with a little more poise and organization skills.

2. They work…HARD: Being a put together mother doesn’t mean they have less to deal with. They have as much as any of us or more and they do it. Maybe they are excellent multi-taskers or gurus at time management but somehow they get it done, still look great, and are healthy. They also don’t let anything suffer. They are the jugglers who make sure everything, including themselves, gets the attention it needs. The excel in the balancing act called motherhood and womanhood. Most but not all had some sort of routine in their home lives as well. I spoke with women that were working moms, work from home moms, single moms, and stay at home moms and the consensus was that it is a lot of work but always worth it.

3. They focus on the positive: I won’t lie I didn’t expect this or the next reason but it was so evident. These women don’t complain or make excuses. Whether it is kids, spouse, job, or friends they don’t focus on the downsides. They foster healthy relationships within their family and out. They handle conflict discreetly and directly and don’t deal with people that don’t. Most importantly they don’t spread negativity, openly or privately. They truly focus on the good in the world and in their lives.

4. They don’t consider themselves to be the Put Together Mom: I spoke with six different mothers in different ways and not one of them considered themselves “put together.” This blew my mind! But in our world of expectations, mommy wars, judgement, and negativity I wonder why it really surprised me. Who wants to own up to being put together when we are so often told it is not possible to do so. Humility or even true disbelief seems much more feasible. Often it seems we would rather tear down these women or demean all they are capable of because of our own insecurities rather than praising them and even asking for their advice. Instead of justifying to ourselves why this woman couldn’t possibly have it together why not admire and appreciate them. These mothers have wonderful insight to offer and would most likely love to share it with you if we as a community empowered them to do so. The reality is we may all be the put together mom in someone else’s eyes so be proud of your accomplishments and focus on the good!

Do you know THAT mom? The one that always seems to have it together?

7 COMMENTS

  1. I would imagine it is a bit easier to be this ‘put together’ mom….if that is your special job and you are not having to go outside your home every day to work….and your husband is happy in his career and enjoys time with his kids when he is home and he provides a reasonably comfortable living. Just sayin…..

  2. I love this. The thing is that sometimes feeling “put together” is over half the battle. Getting dressed, putting on makeup and looking nice makes me feel like I am more in control and that gives me confidence and helps me get things done.

  3. Mary, I’ve both worked and stayed home as a mom. I personally find it much easier to be “put together” when I’m working. When home full time it’s very easy to fall into a routine of not pulling myself together. When working I’m busy enough that I need to be on top of everything or the whole family falls apart, so I just do what needs to be done and don’t let things slide.

    • Kate, that is exactly what my mother said when I first talked to her about this post. She always was the “put together” mom in my eyes. She said working always helped her stay on top of things because she was forced to! Thanks for your post!

  4. I would NEVER consider myself to be a put together mother. In an ideal world I like everything very organized but more often than not, I am just flying by the seat of my pants on a day to day basis. I was at work getting coffee one morning (probably because I had gotten way too little sleep and just needed to keep my eyes open) and a fellow mommy co-worker came in and asked me how I do it all. I was baffled. I was thinking, What in the world is making me look like I do it all and have it all together??? I was blatantly honest with her and said, “Every single morning it is a struggle to get here without someone’s breakfast on me.” That made her laugh and see that we are all going through similar situations raising kids. So we agreed to go to lunch soon so we can relate together more in depth.

  5. I believe that being organized and planning ahead is key in “being put together.” I personally work full time, I prep night before and estimate the time needed to get myself ready and my children. I find that I feel better about myself and more confident for my day if I get myself fixed up.

  6. Thanks for this post. I’m a “put together mom” and sometimes wish I could find mom friends I could relate with more.

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