Ten Things You Should NEVER Say To Someone Adopting!

 Adopting is something my husband and I have wanted to do since we had our first son, we just didn’t know when. We also knew we wanted more biological children, and when (timing wise) we wanted to have them. Adopting however is not such a cut and dry process for us. We have started this long journey and we couldn’t be more excited {along with a whole bucket of other emotions}. We spent countless hours discussing adoption and even a little time arguing over certain aspects. I don’t think it is a decision that one can just make on a whim, it requires so much thought and dedication. It is a tedious process at times, but it will be worth it in the end.

We get a lot of mixed reactions when people find out that we are adopting instead of having another biological baby. Most people have excited and supportive reactions, others are shocked or down right negative. They don’t understand why we would want to adopt someone else’s child or have some snarky rude comments. I find myself getting very defensive about a lot of the comments made to us and am starting to have a hard time keeping my mouth shut about it. My husband is proud that I have been able to thus far. 😉

You know those lists about ‘what not to say to a pregnant woman’ or a woman who just had a baby or a woman in general? I actually have one of those lists on my family blog because I got so tired of hearing certain things from people when I was pregnant. Grrrr! I think at one time or another every woman/mother had at least one comment made to her that really set her off. People just lack common sense and a filter for their mouth at times. Well my husband and I made our adoption version:

10 Things You Should Never Say To Someone Who Is Adopting

{my replies, thoughts, or what might be better to say }

1. “Wouldn’t it be better to just have your own?” or “Why don’t you just get pregnant? It seems so much easier”

If my husband and I wanted to be pregnant we would be, unlike so many others we fortunately never had a problem getting pregnant. We are choosing adoption because of what is in our hearts.

 2. “Oh wow, how did you develop fertility problems?”

See response to #1. Grrrrr.

3. “How do you think your ‘real’ kids will feel about it?”

Seriously!? The real ones? Where are the fake ones? Never say the ‘real’ kids, there shouldn’t be a difference in the first place, but if one feels the need to distinguish it should be worded as “biological.” End. Of. Story.

4. “You don’t have a problem raising someone else’s kid?”

We won’t be raising some one else’s baby, we will be raising our baby.

5. “How can you love a child that is not your own?”

I understand that people are curious, but some questions are just so harsh. That is why some people adopt and others don’t, it isn’t for everyone.

6. Don’t assume that all birth mothers are strung out drug addicts that are giving away babies like candy.

This one really gets me! Birth mothers are doing the most selfless act a mother can do. She is literally putting all of her feelings aside and doing what she thinks is best for her baby, knowing that it will leave her broken hearted. I can’t imagine it, but so many women have no support system or anyone to turn to.

7. “Are you sure you can love ‘it’ the same?”

IT is a baby, not an object. Our hearts are big enough for endless babies, there is more than enough love!

8. “What happens if it doesn’t work out like you hoped, can you give it back?”

 OMG are you serious?!? It is called life. Who asks this??? I can’t even type what I want to respond with here, it would be entirely too inappropriate.

9. “Are you sure adopting is a good idea?”

Are you sure opening your mouth was a good idea?

10. “Why do you want a baby of a different race, won’t people look at you strange?”

We don’t care what people think when they see our family. We are happy, and we love each other to infinity and beyond! Race is irrelevant, I know we will get strange looks if she doesn’t look just like us. Anyone that wants to judge us based on her race doesn’t need to be a part of our lives. It is just that plain and simple.

I am very excited to share our adoption journey with all of our readers! I will be sharing more soon.

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5 Responses to Ten Things You Should NEVER Say To Someone Adopting!

  1. Jessica K February 3, 2012 at 8:46 am #

    Great post! Some come from people lacking manners but others just come from people being uninformed, so thanks for your perspective Ashlee!

    • Jessica K February 3, 2012 at 8:53 am #

      Some of those questions, I mean. That’s what I get for responding before ive had a cup of coffee. 🙂

      • ashlee
        ashlee February 3, 2012 at 9:18 am #

        You are so right Jessica! A lot of emphasis relies on the way and tone that a question is asked. I love when people are inquisitive about the topic and I never mind answering questions. It is the people lacking manners and their judgmental way of asking that rubs me the wrong way 😉

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