Things To NEVER Say To A Stay At Home Mom

Here’s a list of the top 8 things you should never say to a stay at home mom.

lincoln

These are all things I have LITERALLY heard in my 19 months of being a stay at home mom that I find the MOST irritating. Feel free to add to the list as I’m sure I haven’t heard them all…yet.

1. I’d get SO bored being a stay at home mom.

I get it, being a stay at home mom isn’t for everyone and yes, sometimes it is boring… however, for the most part my day is jam packed and FULL! Between a 7 am wake up call, breakfast, washing diapers and wipes, reading, playing, making the bed, wiping tears, changing diapers, lunch, trying to squeeze in a shower (I’ll get to that in a moment), lunch for myself, feeding the dog, labeling body parts, trying to figure out dinner, brushing my teeth, feeding Lincoln snacks, taking a walk, swinging outside, wiping tears, cleaning the house, updating you all on the joys of parenting, greeting daddy at the door, playing outside in the vroom vroom (Lincoln’s truck), bath time, cooking dinner, and finally putting Lincoln to bed at 7 pm I BARELY have the time to think about boredom. Sure my life may seem boring to some, but it’s the life I wanted and I’m blessed with.

2. Aren’t you afraid your child isn’t getting enough socialization?

Well I wasn’t worried about it until you mentioned it, thanks! It’s hard enough trying to make all the right choices in life for your kids so to have someone question your parenting skills is just plain annoying. And who cares if my kid doesn’t sing the ABC’s at 19 months…? I assure everyone he will go into Kindergarten not being a mute.

3. That must be SO nice to not HAVE to go into a job every day.

You’re joking right? You get to go into your job at 8 am and leave by 5 pm. I never ever ever ever ever ever EVER leave my job. It’s a round the clock never ending infinity times 1000 permanent life altering job. Would I change my “job”? Hell to the no, but still don’t insinuate that I sit and watch Days of Our Lives all day by saying it “must be nice to not have to go into a job every day.” HOWEVER, my job is pretty kick A$$… if I don’t want to get out of my pj’s on a rainy day… I don’t… if I don’t want to brush my teeth until noon… I don’t. So there… take that you suit wearing, panty hose doting, corporate clown.

4. Oh that’s wonderful you get to sleep in everyday.

Okay, I guess I sleep in if you consider being woken up every morning with the same noise at the same time and the time is 7 am and the noise is typically “bah bah bah bah door door door mama daddy daddy daddy daddy bah bah bah”. On top of that, I “sleep in” Monday-Sunday 365 days a year hung over from a date night with my hubs or not. Yeah, sleeping in is joyous, let me tell ya………………..

5. Don’t you feel like your degree was a waste?

Aye aye aye. So what you’re saying is that I can’t have personal goals and family goals? It was a personal goal to obtain my degree and proudly I did so from the University of Texas in Austin. It was also always a goal of mine to have a family and stay home with my children and I obtained that as well when I delivered Lincoln on July 29, 2010. No, I don’t technically NEED a degree to get impregnated and raise children, but I feel a sense of self-accomplishment for completing my degree regardless of what my future plans were. So lay off.

6. I’m worth too much for me to stay at home with our kids.

Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m fulfilling my career goals and providing for my family much more than I would if I was sitting at a desk 40 hours a week. In fact, have you seen the calculation of what a stay at home mom is “worth”? Exactly. I’m a full time teacher, a full time chef, a full time maid, the dry cleaner, the personal grocery shopper, the detergent making, penny pinching stay at home mom that’s not worth enough to justify going back to work. Thank you for clearing that up for me.

7. Will you get a real job when the kids go to school?

I’m sorry, but are you my career coach? And a real job? What? Raising kids, maintaining a home, and saving our family money is a REAL job! When kids go to school they still get out early, which means I need to have daycare arrangements. When they go to school extracurricular activities become more abundant, which means someone has to get them there. So no, I won’t be trading in my “fake” job for a “real” job when the kids are of school age.

Here’s me at 25 weeks prego at my “real” job or what I like to call the job from hell. Yeah don’t miss that “real” job for one minute!

8. When was the last time you took a shower?

Granted I hear this mostly from my sister during FaceTime, but RUDE regardless! No, I most likely haven’t taken a shower yet. And yes, it may be 3 pm. Leave me alone, sister :).

So tell me Stay at Home Moms, did I leave any off… I’m sure we all have our personal list of rude comments we hear as stay at home moms. Tell me your best one!

 

 

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36 Responses to Things To NEVER Say To A Stay At Home Mom

  1. Vanessa S Barry
    Vanessa S Barry March 8, 2012 at 8:16 am #

    I don’t want to Uchi giftcard, but I’m 100% guilty of thinking several of those things while chatting with my amazing co-founder.  Just tell people you love your kid too much to let anyone else raise him 😉 That’ll scare them off!

  2. Lleealeman March 8, 2012 at 8:20 am #

    I LOVE this !!! Every single thing you said on here are the EXACT samething people have asked me or have commented to me. “So why did you want to become a nurse if your just a stay at home mom anyway?” Seriously can they not hear themselves. Am I really suppose to answer that question… Stay at home moms do have goals you know. Just like you said it feels good it was self satisfaction.

  3. Kristi March 8, 2012 at 8:38 am #

    Great words! I’ve been a stay-at-home Mom for 11 years and I can honestly say it never gets easy, but I wouldn’t go to a corporate job for anything. (And, yes, I have a degree and could be making a nice paycheck.) Kudos, Allison, for saying what so many people need to hear!

  4. AshleeKrause
    AshleeKrause March 8, 2012 at 8:46 am #

    Grrrr those comments are so irritating! It bugs me when working friends/family ask me to do them a favor during the day and say “well I’m asking you because you are just at home all day anyway and have time”….wth? Really?! Brandon has even intervened in those conversations to keep people from getting injured 😉
    Good post Allison…I love it!

  5. Stylewithrexine March 8, 2012 at 8:49 am #

    LOVE this Allison!!! Toughest most rewarding job for sure but I wouldn’t change anything these are such special memories we will cherish forever! I am soo happy I chose to stay home with both our babies & yes I have heard every single one of these comments ugh :)!!

  6. Lynz March 8, 2012 at 9:09 am #

    Thanks for sharing this today!! I am a new stay at home mom who sometimes struggles with my decision. I swear though, I kinda think going to work everyday is easier!!

  7. Dozywasp March 8, 2012 at 9:45 am #

    The reality if being a stay at home mom for me is that my kids aren’t raised in a baby factory by someone who makes $7 an hour. No one can mother your children like you do. As far as socialization, I would much rather choose the positive influences for my children then throw them amongst a slew of snotty nosed bad mannered kids whose patents drop them off to learn to “socialize.” that is where bad habits and selfishness begin.

    • Vanessa S Barry
      Vanessa S Barry March 8, 2012 at 9:53 am #

      This is perfect for my “Things Not to Say to a Working Mom” blog next week! 

    • AshleeKrause
      AshleeKrause March 8, 2012 at 10:57 am #

      Some women are wonderful stay at home moms and absolutely LOVE it and wouldn’t want it another way, others want a career, need the second income, are single mothers, or just know that stay at home mom is not for them. Each choice is perfectly fine. No one can mother our kids the way we do, that is why they have just one mother. Other people are able to love your children though and look after them in a positive way, not all day cares/home care are negative. 
      I know a lot of snot nosed, bad mannered kids with bad habits that have stay at home moms. Just because a child has 2 working parents and has to be dropped of some where does not mean they will not have clean noses or good manners. That comes from home whether the parents work or not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a mom making the choice to stay home or go to work. To each their own.

      • AllisonMack
        AllisonMack March 8, 2012 at 11:13 am #

        I agree Ashlee! I can’t wait to read Vanessa’s blog next week on the things NOT to say to Working Moms! V and I are guilty of pissing each other off with our comments.

        LOL, Vanessa! We both have some GREAT material to work with 🙂

        • AshleeKrause
          AshleeKrause March 8, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

          For sure Allison…great blog material 😉  Moms usually are pretty passionate about our opinions and say too much some times or don’t think about the other side. I am sure I have pissed off a working mom at some point as well. I am extremely passionate about being a stay at home mom and would be a terrible employee if I was working because that is not what I want to do. I have family and friends that are much better mothers because they do work and don’t stay home all day. No mother should be made to feel guilty for making a choice that is right for their family!

  8. Krystal Larson March 8, 2012 at 10:13 am #

    I know I’m not a mom yet, but I love this one! I saw this on Facebook a little while ago- it goes along with #6…

    JUST
    A MOM????….. I cant stand it when people say, “Your JUST a mom?” Yes,
    I am a Mom! That makes me an alarm clock, cook, maid, waitress,
    teacher, nurse, referee, handyman, security officer, photographer,
    counselor, chauffeur, event planner, Hairdresser, personal assistant,
    ATM & I scare away the boogie man. I don’t get paid holidays, sick
    pay or days off. I work through the DAY & NIGHT. I am on call 24/7
    for the rest of my life. And that’s just with BEING A MOM.. !! I may not
    be anything to you but I am everything to someone!! Re post if your a
    proud mom, that would do ANYTHING on this planet for their child ♥ !!
    This is what a REAL MOM does 24/7

    This sure would make me proud to be a stay at home mom!

  9. Gina B. March 8, 2012 at 10:29 am #

    I’m a part-time SAHM and part-time in the corporate world.  A grandmotherly type asked me in the grocery store if I considered my job more important than my son and if that’s why I wasn’t a full-time SAHM.  Really lady?!  I consider myself blessed to be able to do both and to a fairly good degree!

  10. Kesa March 8, 2012 at 11:18 am #

    I HATE when I get asked “when are you putting him in mother’s day out?” or in a rude way “why is he not in preshool?” I made the choice to be a stay at home mom, I made the choice to not have someone else raise my kid, I made the choice to not have a full time income – I am not asking my husband to pay for day care so I have the freedom to get pedicures while my kid finger paints. Now, please know, I feel strongly that this is right for MY kids, doesn’t make anyone wrong if they choose differently!!!

    • AllisonMack
      AllisonMack March 8, 2012 at 11:26 am #

      Well Lincoln is starting his Mother’s Day Out in September… when are you thinking about one for Laxton??? LOL! Totally kidding! I think you hit the nail on the head. It’s what you feel is right for YOUR kids, but everyone has a different opinion of what is right for THEIR kids. We are ALL different and unique and that’s what makes the world so interesting! I’m actually thankful for all of the above random comments… it makes for good bloggin’ content!

      • Kesa March 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

        Absolutely! For me it is an individual child thing and a financial decision. I don’t have the extra income to spend to send my kids to “preschool” Logan thrived at home. I know in my heart he needed every moment with me that he got – he is a one on one, focused attention kind of kid. However, alot in our life has caused me to think Levi would do better if he had a MDO to attend, but financially we have made the choice to spend our money elsewhere. I will never say never, but Levi only has one more year left at home and I want to enjoy every moment. We will make an individual decision for Laxton when the time comes. Now – if we ever have another child, I may need the sanity break 🙂

  11. Stephanie Weatherby March 8, 2012 at 11:53 am #

    I L-O-V-E reading this blog! And this post is the exact reason why. I can’t wait to hear Vanessa’s part. No, I don’t have kids… (sometimes this blog is birth control and other times baby fever!) so I like to hear both sides of everything. 🙂 thanks ladies!

  12. Lisa Davis March 8, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    Well let me tell you, I DO watch Days of Our Lives every single solitary day at 1 pm sharp. Don’t interrupt me unless something is bleeding and can’t be reattached with Scotch tape! Everyone who works gets a lunch hour and that’s mine so don’t judge! And I’m sorry, but personal hygiene is still super important. I don’t care what you look like when you FaceTime me but rest assured Wesley doesn’t want to smell you when he gets home from work (or Lincoln too for that matter). I’m just happy now that I can relish in that fact that you don’t look completely perfect like you always did when I was a first time mom (foregoing those showers) and you were getting dolled up and smelling good. 🙂

  13. Brandi (Eyre) Sanchez March 8, 2012 at 12:09 pm #

    Great read! I agree with every single one! Also, I DO NOT MISS MY “REAL” JOB! I was always stressed out, worked till 7 or 8 most nights and I hated it! I am glad I got my degreee….but a “real” job is NOT what I thought it would be. Anyway, I love being a mommy and I am always going going going, just like you!

  14. Christie Pearson March 8, 2012 at 12:28 pm #

    Allison, you really got me thinking on this one.  For the most of Jackson’s life, I’ve been a SAHM.  There was a 3-year span where I did work outside of my home, and I pretty much hated every day of it.  Like you, I’ve always wanted to be a ‘Mom”….and eventually a “Grandma”, too!  

    I can’t wait to read your next blog entitled: “When other people tell you how to raise your child”

    • AshleeKrause
      AshleeKrause March 8, 2012 at 1:18 pm #

      Oh I like the idea of that blog….that is sure to have some good stuff 😉

  15. Cmenchaca07 March 8, 2012 at 12:52 pm #

    I’m a single mother who wanted to be a stay at home mom but unfortunately I’m not able to. I have so much respect for the mothers who are able to stay home and raise their babies. I hate how everyone always seems to have a negative comment on working mothers and stay at home mothers. I believe that everyone has a right to decide what’s best for their children and family. I believe that a good mother is a good mother no matter if she stays at home or works 40 hour weeks. A mother will do what she has to do for her child and go above and beyond to make sure that they are safe, healthy, and happy. I was raised by a single mother myself and I don’t ever, not even for a second believe she loved me less because she had to work to support us ( no child support btw). Now that I am a mom I feel blessed to have been raised to be strong and independent. That even though I didn’t get my dream of being a stay at home mom while my husband worked, that when he left, I was able to get back on my feet and pull up my work boots and go take care of myself and my son. That even though I was knocked down, I still got up, and even though it’s not perfect, it’s mine. I got this, I will be the best mom I can be and raise a man who knows that his mother loved him more than life itself. That’s what a good mother is. So please PLEASE stop all this which is better crap. Good mom is a good mom no matter their status in life. That’s what makes being a mother priceless.

    • AllisonMack
      AllisonMack March 8, 2012 at 3:33 pm #

      Hi there! Thank you for telling us your story 🙂 I, too grew up in a single parent home where my mom was unable to stay at home with me and my sister. And trust me, I don’t feel less loved for one minute and neither will your kiddo! Absolutely nothing is wrong with working and absolutely nothing is wrong with staying home… They both have their pros and cons and there are days I completely envy my husband and friends who work. Next week Vanessa is writing a blog about the things not to say to a working mom. This subject came up, because we BOTH have a tendency of saying things that irritate one another AND we’ve also heard other comments along the way from random people that are irritating. We thought what better way to clear the air than to share our lists!!! By no means is this a comparison to which is better, working vs staying home? I just wanted to clarify the point in this blog today in case there was some confusion. I completely agree… working or not is no measurement to the quality of moms that we are 🙂

  16. Kate March 8, 2012 at 1:57 pm #

    I think you nailed it.  It is everyones choice what they want to do with their lives and children.  I do not question the intentions or child rearing of working parents so it is more insulting when my intentions are questioned.  Everyone makes what they feel is the best choice for them and their children at the time. 

  17. Autumn March 8, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

    Do you fellow stay at home moms really get these kinds of comments anymore?  are they coming from strangers or friends?  I know a heck of a lot of people in all walks of life and I never hear these things.  I think I mostly get “I admire you” or “I don’t know how you do it”.  or “I wish I could”…..  I think if a friend was to be negative about your decision to stay at home or work, then that may not be a person you want to hang out with very often.  I also think if a stranger says something, then who cares?  Does that stranger have any impact on your life whatsoever?  Mother’s Day Out can be very important to get your child ready for kinder so if someone asks about that, then they may be looking at it from a teacher’s perspective or a fellow mom who is hoping you get some kind reprieve in the near future.  We all could use all the help and encouragement we can get!  🙂

    • AshleeKrause
      AshleeKrause March 8, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

      All of my friends & family are very supportive and have great things to say about mine and my husbands decision for me to be home with our babies. {The only comment made to me that was irritating was a reference to me having all this extra time to do stuff for others because I am just home all day…this also came from a young family member in her early 20’s who I know has no clue :)}
      Strangers are the ones that randomly make these comments, at least in my experience…and no their opinions do not matter but it doesn’t keep it from bugging me some times. It’s kinda like asking a woman when she is due when she isn’t pregnant…you should just keep your mouth shut!
      I also think mama’s that work and mama’s that stay home are really passionate about their choices and some times say stuff not thinking about how the other person takes it…like Allison and Vanessa 🙂 but they are friends and still love each other none the less.
      Oh and I have had all 3 of my boys in MDO and wouldn’t trade it for the world! I love staying home with them, but those couple of hours twice a week are a saving grace for my sanity! Oh so thankful, whether I am cleaning house or grocery shopping in peace or getting a pedicure…it is quiet! It makes me a better mama.

    • AllisonMack
      AllisonMack March 8, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

      Hi Autumn! Remember, this is a collection of comments (some random and some not) over the course of 19 months (for me). Some of the bullet points may not have been phrased EXACTLY as I worded them. But yes, my mom specifically told me that she wished she would have known I aspired to be a SAHM before putting me through college. Was she teasing? Of course! Was she 1/2 serious? Of course! Did it piss me off? No, because it came out of my mom’s mouth, BUT it’s still something that can rub people the wrong way and isn’t always said by a mom to a daughter. Vanessa knows this so I’ll put her on blast… she has said to me before that she thinks Lincoln might need the socialization. Did it come from a bad place? No. Was I annoyed at that moment? No. Did it make me question my decision to be a SAHM? OF COURSE! Would I not allow her to be in my life or think for one second she isn’t supportive of me and my son? Absolutely not! Vanessa is like an appendage to me. The list goes on and on, but I won’t bore you. Point is, I have definitely heard every single one of the above (worded slightly differently or not)… of course when you take one comment out of an entire 20 minute conversation it can definitely sound worse than how it was intended. For me, everyone is completely supportive of me being a SAHM but that doesn’t mean that bone headed statements don’t come from some of my loved one’s mouths. Just wait until Vanessa’s last week. I’m pretty sure every single “what not to say to a working mom” statement came from me… AND I’M VERY SUPPORTIVE OF HER WORKING, LOL! 

  18. Melissa Czubai
    Melissa Czubai March 8, 2012 at 4:18 pm #

    “you’re a SAHM? Must be nice not to do anything all day….”

  19. Stacey Bradshaw
    Stacey Bradshaw March 8, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

     I have been told that my stay
    at home mom to three day job is all just fun- no work at all- are they
    crazy? Now I do have a ton of fun but I “work” from 7 am- 8 pm seven
    days a week!

  20. Lisette Howard
    Lisette Howard March 8, 2012 at 4:19 pm #

     I have never heard any
    comments like that. Probably because people know I will kick their a$$
    if they say something stupid like that to me. 🙂

  21. Christina March 8, 2012 at 7:33 pm #

    i always get “you’re lucky you don’t have to work” and i think you pretty much covered my answer to that in your blog….lol

  22. Natalie March 9, 2012 at 12:52 am #

    A few others I just love are: 
    -What do you mean you don’t cook dinner every night?  That’s right, I’m not June Cleaver and sometimes Chick Fil A is just what’s needed.
    -Why isn’t your house super clean all the time?  Maybe because life happens, especially with kids, pets, etc.  Cleaning is a continuous activity, toys just have a way of appearing out of thin air.  
    -I wish I had time to work out like you do.  Again, where is this extra time people speak of?  

  23. Janika March 12, 2012 at 5:54 am #

    Love this blog! I am a stay at home mother and just finished my degree. I did it for self improvement and a personal goal. I have no intention of acutally using this degree, but I’m sure it will come in handy later on. I have been asked countless times when I plan to return back into the real world of work, but I honestly don’t have a answer for that. I love being a stay at home mother, I get to hang out with my daughter and watch her grow and learn. I do have single friends that don’t have kids, I really wish they understood how busy a day as a stay at home mother is. Being a stay at home mom is my choice, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love my daughter and that I get to be there for her everyday (even though somedays are messy,crazy,and non-stop)

    My favorite comment I have gotten is “How hard can it be to be a SAHM?”
    And my questions to them is…
    1) Have you ever cooked and cleaned up after three meals a day? Snacks also
    2) How often do you have to do laundry?
    3) Do you get to use the bathroom with the door shut?
    4) How many times a day do you have to make your bed?
    5) Do you get time to do your hair and put makeup on?

    Being a stay at home has a lot of ups and downs and certainly requires a load of time and patience. But I wouldn’t take back anyday that I didnt get to shower untill after my child went to bed for the night, the spilt milk I cleaned up three times in a row, or the endless laundry all to see a smile on my daugters face. My daughter makes everything I do worth something, and maybe her life will be different and better then the life I had growing up with a mom that was single and worked so much she never got to see her kids.

  24. OneMommy May 27, 2012 at 3:19 pm #

    I absolutely love your list! 
    So agree, I wouldn’t change my SAHM job for a minute.  And yes, it is a job I NEVER get to go home from, and they keep me too busy to be bored…