No matter how you slice it or what your beliefs are, divorce is a likely outcome to marriage in today’s society. Gone are the days of being shunned by your neighbors if you find yourself in the likely place of a divorce and here are the days where divorce is glorified by marriages like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries.
I think in today’s world most people go into a marriage with divorce on their mind. Sure you can take the stance of “divorce isn’t an option for us”, but let’s face it, legally it is!
The marriage rate per 1000 people is 6.8 and the divorce rate per 1000 people is 3.4! That means nearly 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. No big deal if you don’t have kiddos (meaning it’s just a really expensive break up), but throw some kiddos in the mix and now you’re raising your children in a broken home where as adults your children will be more likely to get a divorce as well (I don’t have proof of this, but it seems plausible, right?). You can read more about all the scary stuff that can happen to your children should you choose to get a divorce here, but I won’t bore you with the statistics. Plus, this isn’t meant to be a degrading blog to mothers and fathers in the world who are divorced, are going through a divorce, or may ultimately face a divorce. This is a blog and therefore, meant to be personal.
My parents divorced when I was around the age of 2 years old. My son, Lincoln will turn 2 in July so it only seems appropriate for me to write about this now.
I don’t remember a thing about my parents divorcing. It was always extremely normal to me that they were not married. Heck, I knew no different. I’m sure I’m tarnished in some form or fashion for growing up in a single parent household, but for the most part, I’m now a pretty normal functioning 30 year old, mom, and wife. Yes, like most people, I HAVE HAD my “issues”, but I’m not sure that not being raised in a “broken home” would have made me be any different than I am today. Okay, maybe slightly.
My life was pretty solid. I went to daycare, made it to grade school on time, took ballet and gymnastics, danced on the dance team for Pop Warner Football, played in the mud with my neighborhood friend, got into trouble, took horseback riding lessons, cheered in middle and high school, competed in pageants, graduated from college, worked hard, bought my first house—quickly sold my first house before the real estate downfall, met my soul mate, had a baby (whoops, out of order here), got married, and now own my own business.
Looking back and now that I’m an adult, I realize that there was and always will be something missing… something I can never get back; being able to witness my parents loving each other. Sure they will always have love for each other, because they created 2 lives together (something they’ve done with no one else); however, never have I seen them hold hands, kiss, go on a date, or spoon on the couch. Those are the things that I believe I missed out on the most. It seems so silly when I type them out, but it is what it is and that’s how I feel. And at least I’ll always have this photo on my dresser to remind me of how I got here in this world.
Charly & Susan=1970s <3
Now that I’m a wife and a mom, I’m that cynical person that says “divorce isn’t an option for us” and even though it is, it isn’t. I hope that makes sense. I relish in the moments when I’m rocking Lincoln and Dada comes to give Lincoln a kiss good night and then next, me (it’s like some kind of ritual that he does every night) and I relish in the moment when Lincoln laughs hysterically at Dada kissing Mama. We do it at least 10-15 times just to listen to him laugh at us.. I think it’s the smacking noise. It makes me sad that I never got to laugh like that as a child…or at least that I can remember.
To all you divorced parents, life happens and your children will “most likely” grow up fine… just don’t read the statistics article above, it will freak you out! And I know I’m not the end all, but I came from a divorced home and I’m JUST fine 🙂 To all you parents that are teetering on divorce, really make sure you’ve exhausted all efforts before you throw out the D word… it’s hard to go back and fix things and you never know, you could grow old regretting that decision. And to all you parents happily married, hold your better half close and do your best to power through things. I often think of that quote “Those who think the grass is greener on the other side didn’t take the time to water their own lawn.” And my personal favorite is, “The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it has hues of brown once you dig deep.”
Great post! I’m sure you did laugh like Lincoln, just not at your parents kissing! I grew up in a divorced home, too and wonder what my life would have been like had my parents stayed married..but I think I’d be exactly the same. Divorce happens and it’s not ideal, but as my mother says…”It’s better to be alone than in bad company.” So if it’s not working…it’s not working!
Thank you!!! Oh I’m sure I laughed just can’t remember it being over kanoodling 😉 I agree with your mother’s philosophy…
I think coming from divorced parents makes my husband’s and my relationship that much stronger– we both have always known and said its just not an option for us. We won’t put our kids through it because we both know what that’s like! We want to give her what we never had– and live out the lifetime love story I know we can write together! 🙂
I am fortunate that my parents are still married and love each other
very much. {I have friends who asked their parents to divorce because
the marriage was clearly not working and everyone was miserable, even
the kids. Sad. } Anyway, my husband was raised in divorce, each
parent remarried and divorced twice….he and I were both very firm in
our belief of divorce not being an option. That’s the whole reason we
got married, because we know we will be together for a lifetime.
As a parent, if I were divorced I would still do everything in my power
to teach my children what a marriage is supposed to be like so that I
knew I was setting them up for success later in life. Negative
situations can still have happy endings 🙂
I think you turned out just fine Allison 😉
Good insights and a healthy, but realistic view of marriage in today’s society. As I heard someone say, there’s just no such thing as a normal life, there’s just life. I guess it’s what we make of it that makes the difference. Once you’ve been through a divorce, you wouldn’t wish it on anyone else!
My parents didn’t divorce until I was in high school. In a way I envy those who weren’t old enough to understand their parents divorce, but all in all it has made me who I am today.
I married a man with a loving, strong family and have had a a chance to see a very loving marriage. I tell my husband that divorce isn’t an option because I know what it feels like for the children and I NEVER want to put my kids through that.
That being said, I think it can be just as bad for children who grow up in a home where the parents are together but have a horrible le relationship. Every story is different, we just have to find what one works best for us.