Love and Logic, How Many Reminders Does It Take?

How Many Reminders Does it Take?

As parents we are faced with opportunities to teach our children all day long. However, not every moment is immediately recognizable as “teachable.” Sometimes our gut reaction robs our children of an opportunity to learn. Love and Logic teaches parents to allow their kids to experience the result of their choices whenever it is safe to refrain from interfering. Holding back reminders, instructions or warnings is a great way to teach in many circumstances. The payoff is twofold when you practice this skill: first your child receives the message that they are capable of solving problems and second they get the joy, or heartbreak, of learning from the outcome of their decision.

Sounds interesting, you say, but how to go about it? First, what behavior does your child engage in that results in you issuing lots of reminders or warnings? Consider whether your child knows “the rule.” If you are certain he or she does, next think about whether serious harm could come from staying quiet rather than predicting certain doom. Children in the preschool years survive what seems like thousands of minor cuts, bruises and bumps. If you decide not to act as a verbal safety net, would an injury be beyond the healing powers of a small bandage or ice pack? If not, take a chance and see what happens! You might be surprised at what you and your child learn. Could be your child will experience amazing success at something and feel free to look to you for approval rather than look at you with a smirk and eyes that say, “See! I can do it!”

My favorite story to tell about this skill is when I first put it into practice with my oldest at the park. Seriously, I think I must have told Jacob to “watch out for the swing!” a million times. Sometime around his third birthday I decided this was a reminder I felt comfortable abolishing. I felt certain he knew the rule (based on the previously mentioned endless repetitions) and I also felt that he was not likely to get seriously injured if he was kicked by a child his approximate age on a swing. When the perfect opportunity presented itself, I held my tongue and… “Whammo!” It really wasn’t that bad – he wasn’t that close and the child was being pushed by his mother. I felt infinitely more sympathy for that mom than for Jacob. She was full of apologies while Jacob was crying in my arms about how “that boy kicked him in the head!” In reality, he walked into the child’s feet and he was more shocked than hurt. I felt a little bit bad, but to this day he is very careful around swings! Now what is the moral of this story? Is it that I no longer have to repeat, “Watch out for the swing!” Or is it that Jacob now understands a little better that he has the ability to avoid injury by checking his surroundings? Well, maybe it’s a bit of both.

Carrie facilitates Love and Logic Early Childhood Parenting Made Fun at various locations around Austin. Check out her website, www.thriveparenting.blogspot.com for workshops starting in September.