Growing up, I lived about 45 minutes away from both sets of grandparents {they lived in the same town}. My sister and I saw our grandparents pretty frequently, and we got plenty spoiled when being there. That’s what grandparents are for, right?
Well…not necessarily.
My children are also very blessed to live close to their grandparents. We live 3 miles from my parents and 10 from my in-laws. My parents actually keep my kids on Mondays and my father-in-law keeps Trent on Wednesdays {as my MIL still works full-time}. I would say that most of the time our parents follow ‘the rules’ we have established but not always.
It’s a fuzzy line between grandparents and childcare in our situation.
Sometimes, however, grandparents don’t want to follow the rules. They’ve raised their own kids, and of course, know how to do it. So what do you do? I’ve heard some people say ‘It’s my way or the highway.’ meaning they won’t let the grandparents be involved in their children’s lives. I personally think that’s a little extreme {unless we’re talking about something like drunk driving or abuse}.
I believe there are 3 key components to resolving disagreements with the grandparents. A united front, education, and respect.
It is very important for you and your spouse to be on the same page and have a united front. Y’all need to be on the same page to make sure you are delivering a consistent message.
What I’ve learned and what’s worked for me is education. I don’t believe my parents or in-laws do something out of disrespect but more from a place of not knowing better.
I also feel it’s important to show respect when disagreeing with grandparents. These people are our parents after all and do deserve to be treated with respect. I believe a situation can easily get out of hand when we treat others disrespectfully.
Let me give you an example, food. I am not a total Nazi about food {although Brent might disagree}, but I don’t want my children eating fast food or lots of candy just because they are at Babs and Pops’ house {my parents}. Brent is more lenient about this than I am, but ultimately he agrees that our parents can’t give our kids junk constantly because we see them too often for the ‘what happens at grandma’s house’ scenario to apply. {grin} One thing I’ve done is I have sent my mom and mother-in-law countless articles explaining the foods I felt were appropriate snacks and ingredients I did not want my kids eating regularly {Red 40 for example}. My mom has done a great job of switching out snacks to the better quality ones once she has understood the ‘why’ behind my request. I also don’t freak out if I pick Trent up and he’s eating a few Sour Patch Kids – because I know I respect my parents and they respect me.
It’s not a great scenario to disagree with the grands about parenting, but I think if you work at it you can almost always solve the problems.
Have any other words of wisdom when dealing with disagreements with the grandparents?
