No one wins when we fight the ultimate Mommy War: Bottle (Formula) Feeding vs Breastfeeding.

It seems like every other week there is a story in the news about the way parents choose to feed their children. Whether it is a story about the benefits of breastfeeding (or lack thereof) or some breastfeeding-momma hater at Victoria’s Secret, people are passionate about feeding babies. 

Naively, I thought that joining the mommy club meant that we women would band together and support each other in this wonderfully difficult journey through motherhood. I was thinking “it takes a village,”  but the reality is more “my way is better than yours” when it comes to the topic of “breastfeeding vs bottle feeding.”

Breast is best! Right?

Women are encouraged to breastfeed. “Breast is best,” afterall. There are tons of studies exclaiming the benefits of breastfeeding. “Your baby will be smarter!”  Breastfeeding is natural, and natural equals best. Even the labels on cans of formula remind moms that “breast is best!” But, really, can we tell a difference between breastfed and formula fed humans by looking and interacting with them? The most recent study suggests there may be very few differences of which to speak. Gasp! 

There is no exception in the “breast is best” campaign for anything other than successful nursing. This campaign provides a platform for judgment of moms who do not breastfeed. The reality is that some women struggle with nursing their babies. Many moms wish desperately to nurse their children, but are unable to do so. Some babies just don’t nurse well. Some fall asleep at the boob. Some babies struggle to gain weight. Some babies are intolerant of everything their moms are eating. Some moms have a hard time establishing a nursing relationship when they have older children to care for. Some women work in jobs that don’t support the pumping lifestyle. And, let’s not pretend that pumping is easy. It sucks. It takes a lot of time and energy to keep up with pumping. Some women just don’t want to breastfeed their children. Everyone has a story.

On the flip side, there is still a negative stigma associated with breastfeeding. In case you missed it, there are a lot of rules to follow when you become a mom.

The “Rules” of Breastfeeding

  • You should nurse your child (because breast is best), but not in public.
  • If you must leave your house, people will suggest that you nurse your kid in a bathroom.
  • And, if there is no bathroom nearby and you absolutely must breastfeed where others might see you, you better cover you and your baby with an apron.No one wants to see your yucky mom skin, and no one cares whether your baby likes being covered up. You better just figure it out lest you offend someone by using your boobs for something other than sex.
  • Oh, and if you breastfeed for longer than a year, you are sick and twisted and your kid will forever be messed up. Got it?

My Story

I initially thought the whole concept of breastfeeding was kind of weird. Ultimately, I attended breastfeeding classes at the Austin Area Birthing Center and decided I would give it a whirl. Why not, right? If it worked, I could feed my child without shelling out a butt-load of cash on formula. I hoped it would work for us, but I was cautiously optimistic. I knew it would be a challenge, and there is a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed. I don’t like failing, so I was nervous about how it would all work out. I had witnessed several of my friends struggle with the nursing relationship. More importantly, I had seen several of my friends suffer through the decision to switch to formula or, in some cases, to forgo boob feeding altogether.  Some of the women were mourning the loss of the nursing relationship. Others felt guilty for their choices even though it was the best choice for their families.  Others still were happy with their decision but frustrated with the reactions by people around them. Almost all of these women found themselves explaining and defending their decisions at some point. 

Is Breastfeeding Best? Austin Moms Blog

I am still breastfeeding my 14 month old son. It wasn’t easy or fun at first. In fact, it hurt. A lot. And, I cried often because my son latched with a death grip on my nipples and he ate ALL THE TIME. We struggled with food sensitivities early on, which resulted with me following an elimination diet for many months. Nevertheless, with my husband’s support, I pushed through the pain and established a very strong nursing relationship with my son. I was lucky. My kid loves to nurse, and he is good at it. That sounds weird, but I believe it is an important part of my success. Also, I work for an employer who values my decision to breastfeed my child and provides an environment that allows me to pump to keep up with my child’s demand. Without this support, I would have had to give up nursing when I returned to work after 3 months. Again, I have been lucky.

I haven’t had a negative experience with breastfeeding my child in public. I am discreet when I feed my child, and I try to respect those around me. I understand that some people are uncomfortable watching someone else nurse. Maybe they haven’t ever been around a nursing mother. I remember feeling weird about it, so I can understand. But, I won’t feed my kid in a nasty public bathroom because someone else might be grossed out.

Now that my son is older, he is nursing less, but he isn’t ready to wean yet. I am OK with that. We are taking everything one day at a time and are in no hurry to wean him. I have been asked how long I plan to nurse him. And, I have had people suggest that I am continuing to breastfeed for my own selfish reasons. I have also received support for my decision to continue. I refuse to let other people’s idea of what is right influence my decisions for my family. I never thought I would be nursing a kid who can walk over to me and sign that he wants milk. I laugh every time he signs “milk.”

My journey with breastfeeding my kid has been just that…my journey. I don’t expect that anyone else follow my same path. I never expected to enjoy nursing my son, but I do. I have had my moments where I wish I could go a full day without worrying about hooking up a person or a machine to suck milk out of my body, but I will keep on with breastfeeding until it makes sense for us to quit.

Conclusion

I feel like the challenges that we face as mothers sometimes pit us against one another instead of bring us together. I know when I find myself questioning another mother’s choices it is usually because of some insecurity I am harboring.  When I have such moments, I remind myself that I don’t know the person’s story or journey. Who am I to judge? This is especially true in the breast vs bottle debate. We all have our reasons for deciding how best to nourish our children. And, as parents, we have that prerogative.  We make the best decisions we can for our families. I think we ought to give each other the benefit of the doubt and support one another even if we don’t always agree.

Have you been criticized for the way you choose to feed your child? How do you handle the scrutiny?

 

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here