Ever heard  someone say, “I wonder who’s running the show in their family”, and you know they’re referring to the out of control toddler throwing the tantrum in the middle of the Target toy aisle, and although you laugh politely, you’re secretly wondering if other people wonder the same thing about you sometimes?

After all, that was your child just last week! No worries; we’ve all been there! Setting and enforcing limits is one of the hardest things for parents, no matter what age your child is. That’s why this is a 2 session topic in my “Parenting the Love and Logic Way” workshop.

1) Children WANT Limits: One of the most important things to remembers is that children need limits,structure, and consistency. In fact, inside they are secretly begging you to lay down the law. When a child does not know what to expect from day to day, they act out. When one day something was acceptable, but the next day it’s not, it’s very confusing to them, but it also makes you seem weak as a parent. The child may think, “Well, she let me get a way with it yesterday when she was busy, so perhaps if I push her hard enough she’ll let me do it again today”. Of course, your 3 year old is not consciously saying this to themselves, but it is this subconscious thinking that fuels misbehavior.

2) Use “enforceable statements”: These are statements pre-planned by mom or dad that you can enforce because you maintain the control. They start with “I allow…” or “Feel free to…” For example: “I allow kids to use markers when they color on the paper”. For whatever reason, this magically works better than “Don’t color on the table!” Kids are naturally curious and naturally want to test the limits so if you say, “I allow kids to use markers who color on the paper,” then the moment they try to color on the table the markers go away. There are no warnings because the limit you set was the warning. You told them what you allow and they had an opportunity to practice self-control. Now the parent falls back on the limit they set and follows through. No ifs, ands, or “butt, Moms!”

3) ACT Limit Setting: This technique was taught to me by my favorite professor, Dr. Garry Landreth, author of Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship, and is used to manage behavior either when it’s happening or when your stomach flips because it is about to happen.

A: Acknowledge the feeling (kids need to know you empathize and understand the feeling behind the behavior)

C: Communicate the Limit (this is where you state the limit)

T: Target the alternative (redirect the child’s attention to a more appropriate choice)

Ex: I know you’d like to throw the truck, but trucks are not for throwing. You may throw the ball or the bean bag”

Ex: “I know it would be fun to paint mommy’s face, but I am not for painting. You may paint the paper or the magazine.”

     A                                                                 C                                                                   T

In the Love and Logic workshop I offer, we cover setting limits with enforceable statements, issuing logical consequences, using choice giving effectively, raising problem solvers, disciplining without anger, lecture, or threats, avoiding power struggles, and regaining control of your home. This workshop is appropriate for parents with children of all ages! I use a mix of videos, books, blogs, and discussion in this workshop and the environment is relaxed, fun, and warm (I provide vino)! You’re sure to have a great time and you’ll learn easy to use, practical techniques for raising your little ones! Register here for my next workshop or you can choose to host one in your home for your family and friends! It’s that easy.

Want to know what other parents are saying about Love & Logic?

I had been struggling for several months with my kid’s behavior. Between the constant meltdowns and tantrums, the fighting between siblings, and almost certain refusal to do absolutely anything I asked, I knew I needed to do something. The way I grew up, the only type of discipline I knew was yelling and time out and lots of shaming them into feeling bad about their actions. This was obviously not working so I started checking out a bunch of books from the library, but I found it wasn’t that helpful because I couldn’t ask a book questions. Then one day my middle child was playing with her doll pretending to put her to sleep, she was covering the baby with a blanket and yelling, “What is wrong with you? Go to sleep!” I immediately knew I needed someone to walk me through this. I had heard great things about Love and Logic and quickly found my way to Chelsea. She was so great. Her next class wasn’t for a few months but I knew I really needed help now so I was able to get a group of my friends together at my house where I hosted Chelsea and her Love and Logic classes. She was so helpful in providing really small and attainable steps week to week. We didn’t have to change everything at one time. We were able to focus on one new habit at a time. Through the classes, I realized that I was taking to much on myself. I was making myself responsible for every single one of my kids’ actions and feeling like I needed to be able to control each thing they did instead of letting them be responsible for what they were doing. Empowering them to figure things out for themselves. Things have gotten so much better. We still have meltdowns and tantrums and fighting in our house but not as often since our kids are learning to resolve situations better for themselves and when they do happen, I’m able to handle them with much more patience and confidence.

Love and Logic helped me bring peace back into my home as I was having a difficult time getting through to my 9 year old at the time. The skills I had were not working at all! I had never taken a parenting class; I was just using what I grew up with. This just did not work well with my son and we were often yelling back and forth over most everything. After receiving the flyer for this class, I anxiously signed up and I am so grateful to Chelsea for enlightening me. The messages in the Love and Logic curriculum are easy to understand and can be used on children of any age. I still have to focus on using Love and Logic, but I know with practice it will become instinctive. In my home it has been truly magical. Love and Logic also helped us with our 3 year old’s struggle for independence. Most parents of toddlers understand that you cannot reason with a 3 year old; however, laying out choices and giving him the power to choose allows him to feel confident and important. My entire family has benefited from Love and Logic. I recommend it to everyone I know. Using the skills I have learned from the Love and Logic workshop will help my children be confident, forward thinking, and independent. I am a better mother because of Love and Logic, thank you! ~Jennifer mother to Rico, Dahlia and Frank

Would you like to become a Love and Logic parent?