My husband and I decided that our family was complete after having our second child. We selected a permanent family planning method and have not regretted the decision for a minute.
That being said, there is a slight mourning that occurs when you realize that you aren’t going to have any more children. And, I don’t think it ever really stops. As fulfilled as I am with our beautiful, perfect, healthy little boys, with every pregnant friend, new birth announcement received, baby shower attended, and finally cleaning out the attic and closets as we progress to each new age and stage, I still get a little twinge of sadness to know that our baby days are over.
This past week we have been potty training Finn. It’s a bittersweet time. I am so happy that we made a conscious decision about when we were going to be “done” because I have been able to really focus on enjoying the baby-ness of Finn. I was so anxious for Hudson to get big and meet every milestone, that I didn’t stop and really relish in the baby moments. With Finn, I knew from the beginning that he would be my last baby – so I haven’t tried to rush anything. I am proud of every milestone he hits – even if they are/were later than his brother – and I refuse to make him give up the “baby” things he loves. (Yes, he still gets milk in a ba-ba in the evening and we still bedshare, and no, I don’t feel bad about it.) We didn’t push him to potty train (more on that in a future blog), and he is growing up at his own pace.
I get tears in my eyes when I look at photos of my babies – remembering the long, long hours of nursing on-demand for 15 months with Finn. I treasure the moments at night when he reaches over as he’s falling asleep and says, “Momma – I need your arm” and wants to nestle into the crook of my arm. For every time that I momentarily wish for more space in the bed, I wish, times ten, for more precious moments like this. I am so thankful for the freedom to choose the family planning method that was right for our family – not only because it’s what we wanted – but because I do not take any of our moments for granted – with either of my children. We loved having babies in the house, and we mourn that there will be no more tiny onesies in the house, but we love and cherish our perfect little family of four.
And I just really, really, really can’t wait for my sister and brother-in-law to make me an Auntie!
Are you finished having children – What was your magic number? Did you have any unexpected moments that made you feel sad about your decision to be ‘done’?