To say Monday, August 24th, holds a lot of importance in our house is a serious understatement. It is the first day of school; it’s not, however, the first go round for our 2nd grader. But, you see, it IS the first day of elementary school for our kindergartner. As in, both our kids have flown the coop and are jumping head first into their long-running school careers.  

Gulp.

And the closer we get to that day, this mama is feeling a large swell of emotions rolling towards the shore. Lots of people have asked me how it feels to be in the situation of having both kids headed to elementary school  and I have nonchalantly told them that it feels like a mixed bag. That is absolutely truthful but my flippant attitude is waning to much larger feelings. Hell, I was procrastinating even writing this article because, well, FEELINGS.

My brain has fully hopped on the crazy train when I think about this milestone and let me tell you, it’s one hilly ride. It goes a little something like this:

How are we here already? There’s no turning back now! And my baby is about to be gone for hours of the day, EVERY day. Wait a minute! We’ll finally be on a streamlined schedule! Yay!! And self, don’t forget that you and the kids have been together for ALL the minutes of summer, minus a brief few. You’ve been counting down the days until school starts so you can work in ‘project mode’ instead of functioning like a wet cat caught in a pillowcase. Think of the absolute joy you will have watching both of your children making their own way in the world. Will I get lonely at times? And, oh, the HORROR of homework for two. I mean it’s not difficult per se, but it has to get done (and not in my handwriting). You should be so proud of all your little family has accomplished to get to this point!

Crazy, right? And that’s just the beginning of it all. Once my mind cycles through all that fun, there comes another wave directly associated with my current stay-at-home status. Those thoughts sound like this:

Do I have to turn in my stay-at-home card right away or is there a grace period? Hey there, sunshine! Look on the bright side- you can begin to find your way back to yourself and figure out what makes sense for you (and your family too).

I know the first day will be difficult because it just will be, but that feeling should subside after ample tea and tissues in the library that first morning (or whatever it’s called). Somewhere after those first few days of school I’m fairly certain, though, that the condition that I’m affectionately terming ‘milk carton mama syndrome’ will set in. Because THIS mama’s face will be plastered clearly on the side of a milk carton. Because I’m missing. For me, being a stay-at-home parent has meant that my entire identity has basically been wrapped up in being a mom. While my motherhood status hasn’t changed, my day-to-day will look very different. Navigating this new chapter will undoubtedly take time.

So while I’m losing my children to school, hopefully in the process, I’ll find myself. She’s out there somewhere. I just have to find her.

Any other mamas out there whose homes will be newly empty on the first day of school?