Have you ever been happy and excited to see someone? Your heart is filled with joy and excitement. You can’t wait to tell them about all the cool things that happened throughout the day. You just know they are going to be right there with you, step by step. You had a 12 hour work day, but you earned your keep! You approach the door, turn the knob and as soon as they catch a glimpse of you, a wave of disappointment or indifference washes over their face? As if to say, “not now.” Or “Oh, it’s you.” No words have been exchanged, but energies have. You’ve been rejected. Crushed even. You want to find the nearest hole and gallon of chocolate ice cream.
Compare that to visiting your favorite relative for the holidays. You know they are going to be smiling from ear to ear as soon as you walk in the door. “I made your favorite macaroni! Take off your shoes. Come here, give me a hug!” You are tired from the long drive, but it doesn’t matter. You are loved, you are wanted there and you know it.
The way we receive people matters.
The first time I heard the following question, “Do your eyes light up when your children enter a room?” Toni Morrison was posing the question to parents. She then asked, “When your child walks into the room, do your eyes light up, or do you immediately sigh, criticize or perhaps shoo them away? Your face speaks how your heart feels.” I stopped in my tracks. There was no doubt I was guilty of ignoring the heart of the person standing in front of me only to be critical.
I am positive that our children feel our energy. They know when they’re welcome and when they’re not. They can feel the difference between open arms and a dismissive tone. Consider that every time we interact with our children, we shape their self-esteem. Are we excited to see them, or are they a nuisance? “Not now, later.” “Your shirt is dirty.” “I don’t want to play right now.” How many negative encounters does it take before children morph and self-protect? My guess is not many.
And we have got to know that this is not exclusive to our children, on some level we all want to loved and welcomed.
Our days are busy, jam packed even. We’ve got meetings, phone calls, late meetings, and late phone calls. We’ve got to-do lists a mile long. From the time our alarms go off in the morning we go, go and go. When we’re hurried, it’s easy to forget that there are people in our world with real needs and emotions, and at the top of that list are our families.
After I heard this notion of “eyes lighting up,” I folded into my everyday life. Brush teeth, comb hair, drink coffee, love and welcome. I just didn’t want to be the kind of person who overlooked other’s needs. So one by one, I made an effort to meet people where they were that day, even if I wasn’t feeling so hot.
When my girlfriend calls and shouts “hey, girl!” I meet her right there at octave 8. “Hey, girl!”
When my husband walks in the door after work, I flash a smile and with warmth in my voice I welcome him home. If I’m on the other side of the house, I stop what I’m doing and walk to him. If I’m washing the dishes, I set them down. Chores can always wait. This is my way of letting him know I’m happy he’s home.
When my daughter wakes up from her naps, I slowly push open her open bedroom door and say, “Hola, Hermosa. How did you sleep?” When she crawls into the bathroom when I’m you know…in the bathroom, even then, I smile at her. “Hello, princessa.” I want her to know that she needs not earn my love, all that I have is hers. I am her mother, I will always be happy to see her!
I have no better example of a joyful greeter than my ten year old dog, Beau. He’s always happy I’m home and happy he gets to lick my face. I have never walked in from a long day and been met with an attitude of indifference or disappointment. He ALWAYS gets up from his comfortable bed and nuzzles up against my leg. He lets me know I am loved without ever saying a word.
Let’s let our children, our husbands, our wives, know that no matter the goings on, they make our eyes light up. Because the truth is, we want them there! Let’s let them know that no matter the time or place, we will always love and welcome them.
