45 signs you’re a parent of a toddler!

austin-moms-blog-20-signs-youre-a-toddler-parent

  1. You catch yourself watching an entire episode of Paw Patrol after the toddler has left the room because you got lost in the rescue.
  2. You choose restaurants based on: how quickly can we get out of there? Does his meal cost less than $3, so when he inevitably only eats one bite, we won’t be pissed off? Is the place nice and loud?
  3. You truly believe that every day is more fun then the last. Yet it’s also more exhausting. Will I be tired for the next 18 years?
  4. You can’t figure out how your child has so much energy. Especially when they never sleep!
  5. You’re constantly apologizing to the dog for the amount of climbing, sitting on, and pulling tail they get now.
  6. Your kitchen cabinets are overflowing with sippy cups, tops and straws.
  7. Silence makes your heart race. Where is he? What is he doing? AH!
  8. You dance and sing, run and jump, play hide and seek, chase your kid in circles, and read the same book over and over… all within a five minute period. And then, repeat!
  9. You’re standing in line and find yourself rocking back and forth … without your kid.
  10. You always have snacks in your purse – you might forget to bring a diaper sometimes but you can’t forget to bring snacks.
  11. You know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you have the best job ever.
  12. You gave up on your child eating vegetables months ago. Carbs, carbs, and more carbs. You tell yourself that you will reintroduce vegetables in a few years!
  13. YOU say “I need to teetee!”
  14. When the only time you get to sit down is to pee and even then they’re angry because you won’t play hide and seek.
  15. No matter how much time you spend cleaning, your house always looks like a tornado just came through. Instead of picking up all the toys, you simply stop cleaning. You’ve decided to go with the “lived in” look.
  16. You would pay money for your child to say “yes”. All your kid ever says is “NO”!
  17. You can’t wait to get out the house for a break. And then… you can’t wait to get back to the house for a break!
  18. When someone asks “Where are you going?” you clap three times and answer in a short rhythmic sentence like Dora.
  19. When your son falls asleep, key word WHEN, you just stare at him. How has he grown so fast?
  20. You constantly have a smear of food (or other questionable things) on your shirt or pants. {Example: Today you were sporting mango fruit pouch smear on the boob all day and no one bothered to tell you.}
  21. Everything is a double word “pee pee” “night night” etc.
  22. Your kid begs for milk, then squirts it all over the ground to play with.
  23. You easily drink more coffee than water. You can’t even keep track anymore… 5, 6, 7 cups a day?!?! You wouldn’t be surprised if coffee literally ran through your veins. You also find half full, cold cups of coffee all over the house. Again, you’re going for the “lived in” look.
  24. Your dish washer runs all day long. Your washer and dryer also runs all night long. How is it possible to have so many dirty dishes and clothes?
  25. You find crumbs at the bottom of everything…purse, car, etc.
  26. You have boogers, poop, and puke on your clothes, in your hair, and under your nails. How is that possible?
  27. You find yourself discussing colors of fruit at the grocery store, even when you are by yourself.
  28. You can’t wait to get pregnant again. It will be so much fun to give your son a sibling.Wait! You start to believe you might be pregnant and totally freak out. How will you handle a baby with this busy busy toddler?
  29. You listen to Disney Albums and KidzBop without noticing.
  30. You cannot find any of your spatulas or mixing spoons. Then one day, when you finally pick up all the toys, you find your kitchen utensils hidden in the toy box. Score!
  31. You can finally laugh about how insanely controlling you were those first few months. You now know for sure that you were the crazy mom.
  32. You clap every time your kid falls, and follow with a high pitch- “yay” and “you’re ok.”
  33. You fall into bed every night and you’re asleep before your head hits the pillow. Yet on the rare occasion that you can’t fall asleep, you lay in bed and worry that you still are the crazy mom.
  34. Your car looks like a Toys’R’us on wheels.
  35. You realize that you have stopped eating basic meals. Coffee and Pirates Booty about sums it up.  Your daughter won’t sit down and eat so you just snack with her all day long.
  36. You can make any mundane seem task fun by singing it to the tune of B-I-N-G-O. “It’s time to go and brush our teeth because they are D-I-R-T-Y, let’s go brush our teeth, let’s go brush our teeth, let’s go brush our teeth because they are D-I-R-T-Y.”
  37. You have conversations about what not to put in toilets or in their nose.
  38. You find yourself calculating the cost of college in 2031 but then you get distracted and begin calculating how old you will be in 2031.  And then you get tired from all the math so you make yourself another cup of coffee.
  39. You can smell poop a mile away…even if it’s not your kid.
  40. You have stickers on the inside of your backseat windows.
  41. You still cry at the littlest things. You can’t help but lose control of your emotions when you realize that your child just put two words together for the first time.
  42. You experience awkward encounters with parents when your toddler does something to their child.
  43. Tantrums in public don’t phase you anymore. You immediately feel bad for the mom instead of judging.
  44. Your car smells questionable, and you can’t find the source.
  45. When you text your best friend and ask if 4:15 is too early to open the wine.

We may be exhausted, overdosed on caffeine, and still in our yoga pants at 3 pm, but we truly do have the best job in the world. 

How do you know you’re the parent of a toddler?

2 COMMENTS

  1. You get excited when you see a fire truck, realize you’re alone, and pull out your phone to take a video….same with a motorcycle, dump truck, or cement mixer!

    • Spot on!!! My son is obsessed with UPS trucks cause my husband works there. So I have caught myself yelling ” Look… daddies big truck”! !!! Realizing my son isn’t in the car and have busted out the phone to videotape or take pics to show him later!! !!

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