austin-moms-blog-the-gifts-of-imperfection

“My dream is to win the lottery. This week it’s $140 million dollars!” “My dream is to own a glamorous house like that one!!” “It’s my dream to dance like J Lo. (No really it is.)”

We often look at other people’s lives and use our consumerist measuring stick to figure out whether their life, their things, their possessions are normal OR if they are dream worthy.

Some of us say we dream of: being swept off our feet by Mr. Big, being Victoria Secret model worthy, have cash oozing out of our wallets, being Princess Kate, living in a house that rivals Shaqapulco, and being flown around in jets like the 1% of 1%ers. All the aforementioned things are incredible and if someone dropped any one of those things in my lap I’d be elated! But what happens until then? What if my house is never in Architectural Digest, does that mean I failed?

Sometime ago I read, Brene Brown’s, The Gifts of Imperfection, and she led me to the answer. In it she suggests that we jot down our Dream List and then take time to jot down our Joy and Meaning List, to create some clarity.

My Dream List was filled predictable answers: big house, fancy car….Elizabeth Taylor’s jewelry collection. It also included filling auditoriums full of people and public speaking, having a best-selling book on the market, having access to Jane Fonda’s plastic surgeon. Half the things on my dream list were able to be checked off by money and the other half were able to be checked off by hard work.

Then I started on the Joy and Meaning list, which took a little longer. I sat with a hot cup of coffee and searched. What brings me joy? What helps me feel meaning? I feel joy when…. I feel meaning when…. I feel joy AND meaning when:

  • I teach and coach and have a positive impact on others.
  • I am connected with friends and family.
  • I am learning and growing.
  • I am laughing/smiling and bring laughter/smiles.
  • I am clapping, singing and dancing.
  • I travel and learn about other parts of the world.
  • I am appreciative of nature.
  • I am devoted to God.
  • I treat my body well.
  • I give love and receive love.
  • I give those in my life the best I have to offer, especially my husband and daughter.
  • I am the best mama I can be.

 

dancing- catia holm
dancing with my husband

 

Learning from one of the best, Rob Bell!
Learning from one of the best, Rob Bell!

I reviewed my list in surprise. My answers were uncomplicated. Could it all really be that simple? Could I already have joy and meaning? No way.

I looked at my Joy and Meaning list again. Nowhere did I write, I feel joy and meaning when I buy new clothes, or when I spend a lot of money, or when I have more Instagram followers than anyone else. Nowhere did I write, I feel joy and meaning when others envy my car or when I am able to purchase designer duds.

I realized the things that bring me joy and meaning are in my life, RIGHT NOW.

In the time that I have lived with this new puzzle piece I have found that I am much less stressed and easier going.

For example, we just moved into a house with an extra family/play room. Before I would have stressed about getting just the right sofa with just the right tables and just the right decorations. But since those don’t bring me joy and meaning, and we had an extra mattress, I used it! My husband and I are comfy while we watch movies. Our 11 month old can climb and crawl without fear of falling and we get to love on our dogs since we’re so close to the ground. It’s non-traditional, but it’s a win all around for us!

I don’t want to give dreams a bum rap, dreams are great and I still wouldn’t mind being hooked up with Jane Fonda’s plastic surgeon (nursing changed me forever), but that’s not going to help me sleep at night. Filling my days with things that bring me joy and meaning will.

Does it give you joy and meaning to be the best lawyer around? Do it. Does is give you joy and meaning to cuddle with your partner for 6 hours on Saturday? Do it. Does it give you joy and meaning to take all your spending money and donate it to an animal shelter instead of spending it on a new winter coat? Do it.

Let’s focus our energy on the things that fill our heart and settle our soul. Can we all agree when it comes to joy and meaning, more is more?

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