Coming out wasn’t easy. I grew up in private school so I didn’t even know what gay was until I was 11 or 12, thank you Ellen DeGeneres. Thought was ‘Oh, so that’s what I am…well I must be going to hell.’ That was one of the hardest parts. Figuring out how to keep faith and come out when all I was being told at school is that gay people go to hell. I lost my faith during this time. Not because I was gay but because I was 13, angry, and an outcast. Add to that I was going through “changes” in my body and mental process, so coming out was a bit chaotic. Come to find out my family always knew, for the most part. It was no big shocker, but saying the words were hard.
I remember the first time I told someone I was gay. It was one of my friends growing up. I told her and she kind of said ok that is fine no problem. I thought, ‘well that was easy’ then went in to tell my best friend. That did not go well. That’s one of those moments I will never forget. Standing on the second floor balcony between classes, I asked her if she had a second. I told her I’m pretty sure that I’m gay (I was more than pretty sure, but pretty sure was to lighten the load, as if it could be). She said ok then turned and walked away. That was the moment I lost my best friend. I wasn’t asking anything of her. I told her for me. For no one else but me. I knew that her faith clouded her view. There’s no fault there. I admire her faith and I’m sure her decision to lose me as a friend wasn’t easy. But I wont complain about it. It shaped who I am today. Like I tell my nephew, the only whine we like comes out of a bottle so take what you’re given and grow from experience. I lost faith and motivation during this time. I was an outcast at my school and was very unhappy. The friends that I had were my sisters and they accepted me. They loved me who I was, Lindsay’s little sister. My mom and dad saw that I was unhappy in private school. So when I asked to go to public school, they agreed that public school, while not a very good option for my older sister, would probably be good for me.
Being gay in high school was not what it is today. My school was new. Not just to me, but it was actually a new high school. I was the first openly gay person there and I didn’t hide it. I had no reason to hide it. I carried myself with confidence. There were haters. There will always be haters. But I didn’t care. I was free to be me and dress in the clothes of my choosing (should’ve stuck with the khakis and polo’s…not everyone can pull off a dickies dress). I remember once, my junior year, I took my girlfriend out to a movie. We were walking back to the car holding hands when this gentleman and his son walked past us. The son turned to me and said “you are a disgrace to this country.” After opening the car door for my girlfriend and letting her in, I turned and started walking behind them. What would I say…thems fightin words???… Nah. Cant fight hate with hate. “Excuse me? What did you say?” He turned and repeated himself. His father grabbed him by the neck and turned him back around. “You need to learn some tolerance. I am just as American as you and more of a Texan than you’ll ever be.” The father then grabbed his son by the neck, forced him in the car and said to him “sit down!” The father then turned to me. Me- “you need to teach your son some tolerance.” Father- “I apologize. I am embarrassed. Don’t worry. We’re going to have a long talk about tolerance when we get home. I hope he didn’t ruin your night.” I said “thank you sir” then turned and walked back to the car. First, the girl I was dating was pretty new to the whole dating another woman scene and I didn’t want to expose her to that kind of hate. That is why I put her in the car and shut the door. Second, what the bleep was I thinking? Walking after a grown man and his son in a parking garage…by myself?!? I was thinking that silence is ignorance. I had to speak up. And I did. I’m proud of my decision.
That was a moment I will never forget.
After high school I went to a catholic college, where I remained open about my sexuality. I spoke at length with people there about being gay and how I was thankful to have grown up in private school. I feel like growing up at a religious school instilled a vat of morals that has helped shape me into the person that I am today. I even did a few papers on homosexuality there. Plus the school I attended was in the heart of the Houston’s gay scene, so…winner! I met my first love my freshman year. At a hair salon of all places. She was… different. Pierced and blue hair. Yet on our second date I took her to meet my mom. She wasn’t my mom’s first choice, but I was happy. Tolerance is a seed that has to be nurtured. I kept that girl around for a while. Showing my family what kind of person she really was. My parents showed me that change can happen at any age. They accepted and loved that girl. They still love that girl! Change can be difficult at first, but there is no growth when you sit in a box. Stand up and step out. Side note, truth is that is the girl my family still compares every other woman to Ha! My parents supported my choices and trusted that I was making the right decisions. I thank them for that. They gave me an incredible sense of self and if one day, I have children of my own, I hope to raise them the exact same way.
Growing up gay was hard at times, but it wasn’t a choice for me. I lost friends when I came out. But that was their choice. The friends that I kept, well they’re still friends and pretty much family at this point. As for my family, they’re still my family. They will always be my family. There’s wine and laughs.
Love Wins.
