Have you ever felt like you could do serious bodily harm to someone for wronging your child in some way? If you answered no, then wow, you are super awesome. If you answered yes then you, like me, have suffered from mommy rage. Mommy rage is very real and slightly scary. Now there are definitely moments when you can, and should, allow that rage to run out of you in full force, however most times it’s probably better to let it go. Like, for example, the time I screamed {over the phone to only my husband, thank god} that I would kill the man that rear-ended him, and then ran from the accident, leaving him and my newborn son on the side of the road. Considering they were both absolutely fine, and the truck received very minimal damage, it was probably a good thing the hit-and-runner nor I was at the scene of the crime. For the record, I don’t think I could ever actually kill anyone. I had just had a baby. I went into crazy over protective momma mode.
There was also the time I took my son to a local Austin theater for his first movie experience, and was promptly denied, because the teenager selling tickets did not believe my son was three. I want to grab the kid by the collar and teach him something, but I squashed the rage. And after sending a very poised, but blatantly honest letter to the company about our experience, my son and I received complimentary tickets to go and enjoy the movie later. Now, if I had acted in my moment of rage I probably would have been banned from the theater chain for life, but because I somehow maintained my composure for the 30 seconds it took me to turn and walk out {totally lost it as soon as I was out the door}, the results turned out much better. Squashing that rage is not easy, but it can be done.
- Ignore that first impulse to scream, and assess the situation. Does it really require screaming? Probably not. Try to hold it in without your head exploding.
- Don’t ignore your first impulse to scream, but excuse yourself from the situation, and go somewhere else to do it. Go to your car or somewhere where you can be alone and muffle {or don’t muffle, if that’s how you roll} a deafening scream.
- Just walk away. Or maybe run, depending on how dire your need to get away is. Remove yourself from the situation so you can think and cool off. Also, remove your child from the situation if they are present. {That last bit may seem obvious, but sometimes you forget the craziest things when you are seriously angry…like your kid.}
- Count to ten {or five hundred and ten} and take deep breaths. You know, the calming exercises that you once thought were stupid {or at least I did}, until you did it and it actually helped.
- Go to your happy place. Visualize a beach, skiing down a mountain or pounding VICIOUSLY on a punching bag. Whatever you think of or do when you want to escape or calm down.
- Laugh it off. Sometimes the hint of a giggle in a stressful situation can completely change your attitude and outlook of that situation entirely. Try not to make it that crazy laugh. You know what I am talking about.
- Put yourself in the other person’s shoes, if you can, and think of how you would feel if you were them, and how you would hope to be spoken to in that situation. Now, if you would expect to be screamed at for the said action, then scream away. Sometimes it takes being screamed at to learn a valuable lesson.
- Give yourself time to address the situation. A lot of times our first instinct isn’t necessarily the best. After we think on it for a bit, we tend to make more rational decisions on how to handle it. Other times we totally regret not letting someone have it.
- Call a good friend and vent. They can lend a sympathetic ear, and maybe, if they are brave enough, also tell you that you are acting like a total psycho and need to calm down.
These tips may sound silly to some of you, but when you are confronted by one of these moments, I hope you think back and realize I was not absolutely crazy, and maybe just a little helpful to you. Some of these tips might also be helpful in squashing the mommy rage you sometimes feel toward your actual kids as well. Kudos to you if you’ve never felt that one, however, after hearing a whiney kiddo tattle for the 40th time that “so-and-so isn’t being nice to him” you may understand. Good luck mommas!
