austin-moms-blog-stale-bread

Note that the title of this post didn’t say WEEK-OLD bread.

Let’s not beat around the bush here. Sometimes marriage can get into a rut. Not the kind of rut that will take a call to AAA to get you out, but a trench nonetheless. This cyclical behavior happens with all relationships. Haven’t you ever thought your best girlfriend might possibly have lost it?!? I mean, WHAT was she thinking?!? As a disclaimer, I can only assume such things because I KNOW that my friends have had the same feeling(s) about me at some point.  

Being in a marriage with the person who is your other half (the person who sees you without makeup and the person who sees you peeing when you don’t care to close the door) can be amazing! Seriously. Pairing with another person throughout all aspects of life is a true partnership. Despite all of the ‘we’re in this together’ sentiments, it can be hard. There are some times in a relationship when things just feel off. Maybe you’re not even the one to detect the broken tempo of things but sooner or later you’ll feel it, OR it will be brought to your attention by your partner. Ouch.

After being married for almost 13 years those times have happened. For someone like myself, a professional worrier, it can be a rocky road (I really have to work at quieting my inner Chicken Little). However, after being given several wonderful years with my husband, I have learned how to better handle these potholes in the road. If we recognize that we’re experiencing one of those ‘off’ times, it’s time to sit down and talk strategy. We recognize that time is of the essence and no one wants to walk around feeling like their ‘home base’ is all askew. Our plan of action isn’t all that complicated. Below are a few items that are typically part of that plan:

  1. DON’T PANIC! – This is mostly do to my alarmist nature and something that I have to tell myself so that I don’t react as if a blip on the radar equates to an end-of-times scenario.
  2. MAKE TIME – I would suggest organically finding a way to talk about things (after kids go down, over a glass of wine, etc.). After all, communication is key.
  3. IDENTIFY THE ISSUE – Here is where I might lose some people. At some point in life it seems that pointing fingers is counterproductive and will only extend an argument.  Recognizing an issue can be as general as stating that, “Hey, things feel off” or “I don’t think we’re on the same page.” It helps a WHOLE GIANT TON for you/your partner to phrase things in a ‘we’ situation versus a ‘you’ and ‘me’ scenario. *I do acknowledge that this is a simplified step for simplified problems.
  4. BABY STEPS – It might sound dumb, but identify the smallest steps you can take as a couple to get things back on track. These steps might be things as simple as touching more, listening more, or kissing more. If you foster a state of love, even when things aren’t hot and heavy, (hopefully) the feelings will flare back up. You almost have to approach the issue from a pragmatic state so that you can avoid the pitfall of intricacies of an intimate relationship.

With all of that being said, issues that come up in relationships can definitely be more complicated than four easy steps (I’m not trying to get all infomercial on you!). The bulleted points above serve as a  VERY LOOSE reminder to myself, and to any other worriers out there, that the first sign of discomfort in a relationship is not an ending. Those bumps in the road, they will definitely happen. When you’re in it for the long haul you have to ride the ebb and flow and you should do it with confidence because every day in a relationship will not be stale bread.

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