Photo credit: @honeybeetrueco and @janettmarieee
Photo credit: @honeybeetrueco and @janettmarieee

My husband recently injured his back making me a single parent for the next 6-8 weeks. I know I’m not the only mama of a two parent household that has experienced this. Even with two parents around, situations come up that leave one person in charge of doing ALL the things. ALONE. Work schedules, travel, sickness, broken backs, the possibilities are endless. This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve had to “single” parent our children either. In fact most of the reasons listed above have popped up in our lives leaving me (or my husband) to handle the chaos solo. Most of the time it’s manageable and generally only lasts a few days, but this time has really kicked me in the feels.

I’ve realized that no matter what, the truth is two parent households can NEVER compare themselves to a single parent household cause guess what? There are still TWO of you. A true single parent lives life doing ALL the things. ALONE. 24 freakin 7. Until the unforeseen future. I mean I doubt single parents do life with the mindset of an ending cause how the hell can they know?? Ok only 2 more weeks of being a single parent. No. You can’t predict the future and there’s no way to know ahead of time about your way of life changing. Which is the main reason I believe single parents have a harder job than you. There’s no end.

While I am in fact parenting solo right now, I also have an end in sight. I know that with time my husband will heal and slowly but surely he can start helping me again. Same goes for business trips or even deployments. There’s a predetermined amount of time your partner will be gone. Something I can whisper to myself when I’m going insane in the mombrain. Just 3 more days. Just 2 more days. Just one more day. Hallelujah he’s home! I’m going to happy hour. Peace out!

Ultimately though my time as a pretend single parent got me thinking about all the other reasons real life single parents got it harder than you ever will. Here are just a few:

-Um have you ever had one of those mom days that require chocolate or ice cream or wine or all of the above? What happens when you have none in your house? You drive your buns to the Sonic drive thru as soon as those kids eyes are closed of course! But wait, real life single parents don’t have this luxury!!! I realized this the first time my husband ever left town. I was devastated. I maybe even just for one millisecond considered if the baby monitor would reach that far. Don’t worry people, I said I considered it. I didn’t do it. I ate peanut butter instead.

-What about that one time you are changing your kids poop diaper and they start pooing some aftershock in your hand? Well I started screaming for my husband of course. He was able to take the baby and start a bath while I washed my hands 15,000 times. Team work. Real life single parents gotta figure out how to pick up a baby while holding poo in their hands. The struggle is real y’all.

-What about sleep? OMG my fake single parenting has me thinking about all the real life single parents and their level of sleep deprivation. My daughter didn’t sleep for her first year of life. I joke all the time that I thought I was going to die. BUT I HAD A PARTNER doing the non-sleeping dance with me. So what if he was out of town for bits and pieces of it, he EXISTED!! We helped keep each other from dying, fa real. So really, how do real life single parents do it? How do they not die from sleep deprivation? I can’t even speak the words “I’m tired” in front of a single parent. That would be like an assault with my words.

–What about that period of unwinding at the end of the day? Single parents don’t have someone in their corner every day to vent to who understands. Someone to talk to about the frustrations of breastfeeding, teething, colic, or tantrums. Someone who understands because they are going through the same thing with the same kids. Even if it is through a text, phone call, or email that is still something I have despite my non-single parent status. ~ Kimberly Pena

-What about that whole stay-at-home vs working mom debate? How all the people keep going back and forth about who has it harder? Well news flash, real life single parents are like a category all their own. I’d assume without two parents in the mix, most real life single parents don’t have time to think about their career, let alone staying home full-time, they just gotta pay those bills y’all. Now don’t get your panties in a twist. I’m not saying one mom is better than another (except I am cause clearly single parents), I’m just saying two parent households probably have a little more freedom to think about something other than how they will buy groceries on any given week.

I think you get the idea here. Yes, it sucks having to do all the things solo. It makes life harder for anyone, single parent or not. And I’m not trying to minimize anyone’s experience here either. I’m the first to say parenting is HARD, even with two parents around to keep the tiny humans alive. But my experiences doing things solo have given me new perspective and made me realize and appreciate how truly incredible single parents are. They are effing Saints I tell ya. I want to hug all of them and tell them that I see them being amazing. I see them in the chaos and they are owning this motherhood business. Like a boss.

 

 

19 COMMENTS

  1. That was the most validation I’ve gotten in …a while. Seriously, teary-eyed over here. Cause, occasionally it feels unbearably lonely to be in gettin-shit-done mode at all times… no one sees it all, no one knows, no one will ever know. I want to give you a huge hug, because THANK YOU!

  2. Well I am a single mom and thankfully have a very lovely family and my daughters dad is waaaaaaay better than mosts but honey love and comfort and free babysitting doesn’t pay the bills. I appreciate that other moms understand how hard it is doing it “alone”. But you aren’t really a single parent until you have no male love and support. That male role is so important to keep you going and encourage you and help you when those terrible twos come out. But the real kicker is us single moms are not only alone but working full time away from our babies bc we don’t have a man to provide. So when moms that stay home or even work and are married with a husband that works to provide a home , food and life for you , but he goes out of town or works out of town or goes on a weekend trip, YOU ARE NOT “single mom’ing it” at all!!! We are bc we don’t have our husband to call at night , we don’t there bank account to buy chic fil a. It’s all mom for everything. I am so blessed to not be alone in this with an awesome family who provides the most support and love for me and my little one!❤️

  3. While I am not a single parent my husband does travel 2-3 days every week or other week which can be pretty difficult. I have a full time job which does make it harder the days he isn’t home. I couldn’t imagine not having the help I have on a day to day basis. What I have noticed about the single parents I know is they always seem to have a great support system! They have the Grandparents Aunties Uncles that always seem to be around! I love that!! Of course it is not the same like having a 24/7 partner! My husband and I don’t have family near by. The closest one is 6 hours away! That is something I wish we had and hope to move closer to family in the future! Cheers to all of you wonderful single Mommies!!

  4. Thx for reflecting on this! I found your article very relatable as a single momma of a 5 and 7 yr old. Especially the stay at home vs work debate and the lack of someone to share the emotion and challenges of parenting with. Imagine when both kids are cranky and “losing it” there is no one to step in and say … “I’ve got this. Go take a break.” I think we also often feel stretched to the max to provide financially and emotionally for our kids. The house is often messy because after meeting those first two goals… Sometimes there is literally no time or energy left for housework. Thanks for writing this!

  5. You are not a single parent because your husband is out of town or injured in bed, unless he offers no emotional support and leaves you with not only the kids to take care of but all the bills as well.

    So sick of hearing this from my married friends.

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