If I’ve learned anything in my six short years of parenting, it’s this: I have to take responsibility for my own joy. Sometimes we feel and care so much for our kids that we start blurring boundaries and lose a healthy sense of self. It’s so EASY to stop caring for YOU, but it’s so not worth it! We’re in this gig for 18+ years, and one of the best gifts we can give our families is to be a happy mom and wife. Mommas, this isn’t meant to be selfish. It’s more just… reality. After all, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
These are some habits that have naturally formed out of my longing to move past survival mode into an attitude of contentment, where I can face the daily challenges of being a mom with strength and grace. Enjoy!
- Take 15 minutes in the morning. There are some seasons you just won’t be able to get up before your kids. But when you feel like you DO have the capacity to get up even just a few minutes before them, it is so helpful to start the day with some quiet solitude. (Key word: quiet!) Take 15 minutes to read, pray, meditate, do some diaphragmatic breathing, or sip your coffee in silence. (Key word: silence!) I am always happier when the kids wake up if I’ve had a few moments of calm before the storm.
- Move it, sister. Yes, I am talking about exercise. Here’s a new mantra for both of us: “Exercise is my friend!” We all KNOW exercise is good for us. But here’s a challenge – try it! Try a class at the gym or a family-walk after dinner. Prioritize it for a month and tell me if you don’t feel better. For me, I’ve had to learn by experience that exercise is my friend. It provides mental and emotional benefit that keeps me happy and sensible.
- Stay in the present. Work in progress, here. I’ve never been more aware of the temptation to zone out than as a mom. Anyone else feel stuck in their head sometimes? The best way for me to stay present is to interact with my kids through a game, a side-by-side activity (coloring maybe?), or reading together. Sometimes it appears like it will take more work to tune in than to zone out, but in the end, the kids are happier because of it – and so am I.
- Rid yourself of chronic stressors. My kids LOVE their toys, so it had become painful for me to give them away (mean mom!), but at the same time I loathed the fact that we had SO MANY. They were taking over closets, entire rooms, and even began to sneak downstairs. I’m telling you it felt like they might swallow me whole. I kept avoiding the Goodwill trip, but eventually the chronic nagging of the toys helped me to reach for the big girl pants, and I finally gave them away. And now I can breathe. Survey your environment; are there little things that constantly bother or nag you? What’s stopping you from dealing with them?
- Learn to ask for help. It takes a village, ladies. You cannot do it all, nor should you! We have to ask for help. Give your husband the gift of putting away the laundry! If he puts the clothes back in the wrong place? Let. It. Go. Have a friend bring your child home from school. If you can afford it, pay for someone to clean your house or to babysit. Think of it as an investment. And if it’s not in the budget, find a good friend to lean on occasionally.
- Invest in life-giving friendships. Just having someone who can say, “I’ve been there,” when I am having a hard day is so uplifting. And being a good friend back is fulfilling too! Maybe you can pass the witching hour together!? Game-changer. One kicker, you may need to initiate. Invite the fun preschool mom to coffee, join a playgroup or a Bible Study if that’s your thing, or enroll your six-month old in swim lessons (for you, not her!).
- March to the beat of your own drum. Every family is different and that is OKAY. I have wasted so much energy around other moms being afraid of what they think of how I parent, how I eat or feed my kids, how I spend my money, how I dress, you name it. This is seriously bonkers and ummm… no good for happiness. At some point, life will take you a different direction than your friends, and you will have to learn to be comfortable going with YOUR gut instincts, not anyone else’s.
- Find a creative outlet. If all you do is unload the dishwasher, fold laundry, and pick up toys all day on repeat; if the most stimulating conversation you have from 9AM- 5PM is with your two year old; if the most your brain has had to work lately is in a game of Connect Four, then you might really enjoy a creative outlet! Maybe you could try to do something you liked doing before you had kids OR learn something new. Photoshop? Knitting? Painting? Writing? The world is your oyster here, ladies!
- Hit the reset button. We have all had those days. Maybe it’s just spilled milk (or if you’re a boy mom, pee all over the bathroom wall), or maybe it’s something more emotionally taxing. Sometimes I can tell that if we don’t make a change, we will all be crying ugly tears by the day’s end (or sometimes 11 AM). SO, a reset button! Turn on music, light a candle, go for a walk, have a dance party, or put in a yoga DVD. Take responsibility for changing the tone when things are feeling sour.
- Find ways to give back. You may not have hours to volunteer anymore, but maybe you could write an encouraging letter? Maybe you could surprise your child’s teacher with breakfast? Start asking, “How can I make the world around me a better place in my own unique way?” As you find creative ways to pour out for other people, suddenly your problems won’t seem quite as big as they did when you were only focusing on them.
