The Mom Squad. The elusive dream of many a mother. These mythical groups of women with children have cultivated the perfect crew of besties. They support one another, laugh together, take mini-vacas and generally look like they are having the time of their collective lives on Instagram. Can you say #squadgoals?
Before I became a mom, I was a fringe friend to a badass Mom Squad. I say fringe friend, because I wasn’t in the same stage of life as these ladies and while we got together occasionally, I definitely wasn’t part of the inner circle. These women all met when their kids were in kindergarten and formed a fast bond. They went on ski weekends, supported each other’s causes, drank plenty of good booze, and had frequent eruptions of raucous laughter. They were smart, funny, irreverent and I wanted to join their posse.
Shortly after meeting them, I moved out of state and had a baby and was starting back at ground zero for finding fellow mom friends. After having a child, getting a grip on how to live with virtually no sleep, figuring out how to leave the house with an infant and finally being confident enough to do so, I ventured out to the ultimate mom-squad scouting spot, the neighborhood park. Because, let’s face it, the neighborhood park is the mom equivalent to a trendy bar on ladies night.
In my search and study of the mom squad I’ve discovered that finding yours may be more difficult than finding your spouse. It takes a special set of circumstances for a mom squad to take shape:
- The common thread: You need to have one thing in common. You can be all over the map when it comes to fashion, birth plans, careers and parenting philosophies, but you all have to have one thing in common that bonds you. Do you all love working out? Do you all have kids the same age? Do you all love to crochet and drink craft beer? (Just me?) Whatever it is, there needs to be a single connection between everyone.
- Time: You have to devote time to friendships to cultivate an awesome squad. You can’t expect to have some beautiful sister wife meets sorority crew without carving out time for it.
- Luck: For a formula follower like me, this one is frustrating. Just like finding the love of your life, part of finding a mom squad is plain dumb luck. You can’t force these things. It doesn’t matter how sparkly and amazing you are. Don’t take it personally.
If you can get the planets to align and find your squad, kudos! If you haven’t found your tribe of mamas, take heart, you aren’t the only one. Actually, in my search for a mom posse I’ve learned something about myself…I may not be squad material. That’s not to say I don’t love the occasional moms night out with a bunch of my girls, I just know that I’m better on a 1:1 basis. I’m fortunate to claim several moms as my close friends, but you’re much more likely to find me and one of my friends having a deep (and frequently interrupted) conversation over play-doh with our toddlers than at the spa with a Taylor Swift-like crew.
So, my parting advice for any moms out there searching for their squad/crew/posse/tribe is similar to my dating advice:
- get out there
- be yourself
- trade digits (do the kids still call it “digits”?)
- feel free to abort the mission if you just don’t click
- and most importantly, have fun!
Happy squad-scouting mamas!