When my husband and I began dating, I identified as a career woman. I juggled two jobs. I was working as the General Manager of the bars for a 3,000 seat venue in downtown Austin, and I was in charge of marketing and community relations for a chain of liquor stores. I was making enough money to buy my friends dinner and rounds of margaritas and it all felt awesome. I worked at least 12 hours a day and I had a blast doing it.

But then my boyfriend became my husband and I became a mom and my entire life, the way I had functioned in my twenties was no longer possible.

I had always found worth and pride in my education, my work, my ability to earn income. Who would I be without a traditional job? Who would I be if I couldn’t earn an income? Who would I be if I was always at home?

I was about to find out.

As soon as we welcomed our first daughter into the world I took 3 months maternity leave. It was tough time for me. Beyond dealing with a mild case of post-partum depression, recovering from child birth, learning how to be a mom, adjusting to a new schedule and new responsibilities, I felt crushing pressure to have it ALL figured out. As a family, what kind of life would we live? What kind of mom did I want to be? What kind of women did I want to be? Was I going to work outside the home again? Was this it for me? I had to reprioritize. But where would I start?

I took the first three months and sat with all the feelings and let them swirl around my head. And after some time, my anxiety about who I was and where I would find worth melted away.

I realized that HOW I was finding worth before, although not bad, did not necessarily serve me well in the long term. And so I began to shift my focus onto the type of person I was, how I walked through the world, my level of kindness and compassion and generosity. Before having a daughter, my pride and worth were reliant on such a small part of me. Having my daughter helped my vision expand and almost deepen.

All that being said, I missed having something of my own. I missed being part of a team. I missed working toward a goal. And so three months after having a baby, I began travelling for work (thankfully, the baby came with me) and I began writing a book, and eventually public speaking and coaching.

Working outside the home, being around other adults, having someone talk back to you (not just babble), those things keep me bolstered! Putting on something besides yoga pants (God bless yoga pants), making it on time to a meeting, grabbing coffee with a new client, all those things put a little pep in my step! And all those interactions outside my home, large and small, fill me up and help me exist happier and more fulfilled. And the more fulfilled I am, the more love and energy I give to my husband and daughters.

Over the years the type of work I have done has ebbed and flowed, and I no longer find worth in my work, but I absolutely find worth in my contributions. What am I giving of myself? Where can I stretch more? What kind of life do I need to lead to be the best examples for my daughters? What else does my corner of the world need from me?

Are you working outside the home? Have you had a similar experience? Or do you prefer staying home with your babies? Whichever road you choose, I am rooting for you!