Last August when my oldest was about to start kindergarten, I felt like a hot, anxious mess.  I vaguely knew what to expect but still faced a lot of unknowns. Would Henry have friends in his class? Would he feel safe in the new environment? How would he fare academically? How would school change our family life? Of course, knowing about kindergarten is one thing, but actually going through it with your first child is quite another experience.

So with a little help from my friends, I’ve created a summary of some of the surprises we encountered in kindergarten along the way last year.

Your child may act totally different in a school setting than you expect.

Some kids who seemed very assertive in their preschool class of eight will feel too afraid to ask to go to the bathroom in a class of 22. Some kids who have never displayed behavior problems may act out after seven long hours of learning and rule-following. Some who habitually hide behind mom’s legs will blossom at the lunch table in their parents’ absence. Depending on the child and the circumstances, it may actually be impossible to predict how your child will adapt to school until they are there.

The first day of school felt like they are going to college.

You probably expected the first day of school to be emotional. I did. But, I did not expect to walk away from my son as he sat among his 22 new classmates feeling as though I had just dropped him off at his dorm for the Fall Semester. It was one of those rare parenting moments that awakens you to the reality of just how short and precious their childhood is.

The first couple of months could be tiring and emotionally draining.

The first two or three months are transitional, and everyone handles them differently. For example, there was one child in my son’s class who cried single day at lunch for over a month. Many kids cried at drop off for a few months. Some kids loved every minute and never complained a bit. Henry went to school without a sweat on day one and then he begged NOT to go for the rest of the first two weeks. It is common for kids to hold it together for seven hours at school and then totally melt at home.

Asking for help is intimidating.

Don’t underestimate the reality that it may feel awkward for your child to raise their hand (something new they haven’t done before) to get the attention of their teacher (someone new who hasn’t earned their trust) to ask for something they need in front of 20 peers (who they also don’t know). My kiddo broke his arm on the monkey bars at recess and didn’t know how to tell the teacher, so he spent the whole rest of the day at school in pain, with a very broken arm. This same thing had happened to a friend of ours a couple of weeks earlier. Many kids have potty accidents or do not eat their lunch because asking to go, or asking for help to open their yogurt in this environment requires a lot of courage.

Talk to your child about some of these potential scenarios and make sure they know they can talk to their teacher. And go ahead and partially open up that string cheese until they get the hang of it!

I think that covers the biggest stuff, but there were several kindergarten surprises all year long. Here are a few more things that we learned along the way!

• The elementary school lunchroom smells exactly like it did 25 years ago. Enough said.
• Your child will be responsible for ALL of their belongings at school, for better or worse. (Check the lost and found.)
• Carpooling is a game changer.
• Academic testing happens early. Most likely, the school will evaluate your kindergartner in reading or math.
• Buy the yearbook.
• Public (And Private) Elementary Schools have A LOT of fundraisers.
• Mornings are early, and you will welcome school holidays.
• You won’t believe how much your child will learn!
• Peer influence starts in Kindergarten.
• Many school rely heavily on volunteers. And you will welcome the excuse to spy on your kid!
• There are a lot of things to remember. Don’t forget their swimsuit on field day! (But if you do, your child will survive.)
• You may feel like you are in a different world than your friends who don’t have elementary-aged kids yet.
• You may be feel awkward about it, but don’t be afraid to advocate for your child’s needs.
• Your child will grow up A LOT in Kindergarten, and you will love who they become.
• You might actually start wishing for summer the way you did when you were in school.

Did we miss anything? What surprises did you encounter when your oldest went to kindergarten?