life

The other night, my family came over. Parents, 29-year-old sister and her fiancé, 20-year-old brother.  The whole crew.  I looked around at each person there, and thought, “Dang. We are a motley crew.  We’ve got one dealing with addiction. We’ve got one wading through intense depression. One just received some concerning news at the doctor. One is perpetually stressed and worn down. I could go on, but I don’t want you guys to start trying to identify which family member goes with which problem. Seriously though..it was..it IS…all hard stuff. Sad stuff. Overwhelming stuff. Depressing. And yet…it was a gorgeous evening.

We live in a place where there are deer…lots of them…and they were all over the yard. My kids were playing baseball with my dad and my brother. My two-year-old son, barefoot and wearing nothing but a diaper, zoomed off on his four-wheeler drinking Topo Chico out of a bottle, leaving us all laughing hysterically at what a quirky little hillbilly he is.  I took it all in, and then thought to myself, “if only my sister wasn’t dealing with this, and my brother wasn’t dealing with this, and WE weren’t dealing with THIS, THEN we could really enjoy this evening.” And then I caught myself. No.

Not “then.” How about now? Because the fact of the matter is, all of us could gather again, in this same front yard, 10 years from now, when most likely the issues we are currently facing have resolved themselves…and THEN we will all just have DIFFERENT issues.

“Once ______ is over, THEN _______”

(Insert something negative in blank one, something positive in blank two)

This way of thinking has defined me for most of my life, I think.

Once our struggle with infertility is over, THEN...”

Once the pregnancy is over, and the baby is finally here, and healthy and whole,  THEN...”

Once we are out of this horribly exhausting newborn phase, THEN…”

Once the wait is over, and we get those stupid test results back, and find out everything is ok, THEN…”

Once this stressful house remodel process is done, and we can actually LIVE in the house, THEN...”

It’s like my whole life I keep waiting to reach a pinnacle…some sort of nirvana…and THEN I will really start living. THAT will be real life. The way life was meant to be.

It occurred to me that day in the front yard though…”it” is never going to be over. (“It” being all the things that could fill up that first blank in the sentence above.)

“It” tends to be all the things in life that are :

  • hard
  • sad
  • busy

In case you haven’t already had this same “ah ha” moment, let me go ahead and break it to you now… “hard,” “sad,” and “busy” are never going to end. Not in this life, anyway.

I bet you are dealing with something hard right now. Maybe not sad-hard. Just plain hard-hard. But possibly sad-hard. Yep, there’s definitely a chance you may be going through something sad-hard. And if you are in a phase of life right now where nothing is really all that hard or sad, you’re at least busy.  EVERYONE is busy. You are probably so busy you feel like if you even pause to take a breath, a ball will drop. And that’s hard. And possibly sad.

The reality is:

  • You are ALWAYS going to have pressures and challenges at work. As soon as one ends, another will begin.
  • There is always going to be someone you care about, suffering through an illness.
  • YOU will suffer through SOME sort of an illness.
  • You are always going to have a child who causes you to worry.
  • Forever you will have a to-do list looming over you, and will likely never have enough hours in the day to cross everything off.
  • A vehicle requiring repair IS in your future. A leaky roof probably is too.
  • People you love are going to disappoint you and let you down; certain relationships will crumble
  • Change is going to happen. Constant life change. It’s inevitable. As soon as you get used to something, it will CHANGE.  And change is hard, my friends.

Why? Because THIS is life. This is LIFE. This is how life IS.

Life is big stuff and hard stuff and sad stuff and busy stuff…it’s depressing stuff. Life is also beautiful sunsets and deer and baseball games and healthy, chubby, two-year olds without a care in the world, and laughing. The bad stuff isn’t going to end. Ever, you guys. The good stuff isn’t going to end either, though. It’s going to all be mixed up and combined in a weird and awesome and ugly and beautiful tangle, forever.

It all sounds sort of dismal and daunting, huh? It’s actually not, though. It’s actually a much better way to view life, because once you accept that reality, you no longer have to keep desperately and pathetically waiting for “one day.” Suddenly, it makes a lot more sense to just start living and enjoying NOW. All the hard and bad and sad stuff don’t have to be gone before you can start enjoying the fun and beautiful and good stuff.  It’s possible to savor the good…just drink it up…while simultaneously mourning over the bad.

How many gifts (blessings, things to be thankful for) are in front of your face RIGHT THIS SECOND, that you aren’t even enjoying, because you are consumed with the way you WISH things were? Just waiting for things to “get better.”

If you’re like me, tons.

Count them. Just count all the good things. You don’t need to keep waiting to get to the good part. You are already there.

 

Hayley Hengst
Hello AM readers! I'm Hayley. Stay-at-home mom to three boys/angels/tyrants (primarily tyrants). Most days, I am very content in that role. Other days, well, you know how it goes. I absolutely love writing for Austin Moms Blog. I also love: books, bubble baths, Mexican food, porch swings, and traveling. I hate: the hustle and bustle of trying to get out the door, on time, with all three of my kids. Seriously, I just kind of give up. You can read more about my crazy crew at www.motherfreaking.com!

3 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you for this. This is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately after going through and still going through LOTS of hard stuff. My hope is to be resilient in this life and to raise a resilient daughter so that we can deal with the crappy stuff ok a way that allows us to still be present to the good things. Beautifully written!

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