Sometimes there are circumstances in life that you wish you could change.
Life-altering. A mild annoyance. A cross to bear, a thorn in your side, or an event that shatters your whole world. It’s a circumstance you wish you could change…but you can’t.
In the beginning, when “the circumstance” first begins, you hope/wish/pray for it to change. You hope/wish/pray A LOT.
But it doesn’t change.
No, the circumstance remains.
You may feel angry or frustrated or bitter.
Eventually though, as you are grown and stretched and become a stronger person, you come to accept the fact that the circumstance isn’t going to change.
So then you go about the business of figuring out how to get your FEELINGS about the circumstance to change. Mentally, you’ve accepted the situation as it is, but you are still waiting expectantly for your emotions to follow.
You tell God (or if you don’t believe in God..the universe? The “powers that be”?), “Ok, ok, I get it. This is the way things are. But can I just quit FEELING so bad about it? Can you take away the sadness, the hurt, the anger, the frustration, the bitterness, the fear?”
Sometimes that happens. Sometimes the feelings do fade, or change or disappear or get better.
Sometimes it’s not right away though. Sometimes it takes a long time.
Other times, the feelings never change.
When you are stuck in that place…the place where the feelings aren’t changing, and for as far as you can see, they aren’t going to change…you are in the hardest place of all.
Take heart though, because you are also in the place where more personal growth and more personal transformation than you ever imagined possible, is now about to occur, if you will allow it to.
Carrying on, living life, finding things to be thankful for, making wise choices, moving forward one step at a time, learning, laughing, growing, embracing, taking action, loving others, doing what you know to be right, helping others…doing all of that IN SPITE of your circumstances, and IN SPITE of how you feel about them, is maybe the very most beautiful thing of all.
You see, it’s not difficult to do these things (all of the things listed above), when your prayer was answered, and your negative circumstance was changed. That’s easy.
It’s also not terribly difficult to do those things when you are FEELING good about life and your circumstances. That’s still pretty easy.
It requires an incredible amount of strength, grit, and character though to proceed in the way I described above, when NOTHING about you actually WANTS to. When your circumstance is bringing you to your knees and your feelings are screaming at you to do the very opposite of what you know is best.
If you’ve lived any life at all, you have surely learned that nothing good comes easy. Becoming the person you were meant to be…the very best version of you…will not come easy either. Allowing your circumstances to shape you and mold you into something beautiful may not be an enjoyable process…but it is surely something to be thankful for.
In closing, I wanted to include some words and thoughts from a few people near and dear to me, who have walked through, or are currently walking through, some of the very most difficult things a person could ever face in life, and yet are still finding things to be thankful for:
From my own strong mother, who has walked with her child (my sister) through more than a decade of addiction..
“I’m not thankful for the constant worry and heartache. The sleepless nights. The pressure it has put on our family. The holidays and special family events that she has missed. But I so thankful that she is still with us. That she has breath in her lungs. That God has continued to protect her in spite of the incredible ugliness that she has endured. I am thankful that we get to spend this Thanksgiving holiday with her, and I am thankful that because today there is still breath in lungs, today we get to have hope.”
From a sweet friend, whose precious baby boy Drexel passed away in his sleep…
“The day I went to pull my son Drexel out of his baby swing and found that he had passed in his sleep was the most gut wrenching moment of my life. I have since gave birth to another baby boy named Bowen. I am so thankful that every day, I get to see Drexel through the beautiful eyes and contagious smile of my Rainbow Baby Boy. Without a doubt, Bowen was handpicked for me. I will be forever thankful”.
From one of the brightest rays of sunshine I know, whose beloved father passed away tragically and unexpectedly…
Grief changes the way you see everything, but it also forces you to become acutely aware of just how precious each moment is. I will be forever grateful for this new found awareness, as it allows me to face every situation in life with questions like these: ‘Does this matter in the big picture?’, ‘Will I be happy if these are the last words I ever speak to this person?’, ‘Do these words speak life or encourage the person I am talking to?’ I’m not sure I would have perceived life this way without experiencing the deep pain of losing my dad, and so that is something I can choose to be thankful for. “
From my longtime friend, whose daughter sustained major, life-threatening injuries on the playground, the day after Christmas…
“Kinley’s accident and hospital stay grew us in the way we look at the every day (little) obstacles life throws your way. You realize that little things really are just that…little things, and what is actually important are the people around you…your tribe. The ones who show up when it matters.”
From my aunt, who lost her 35-year-old son to alcohol poisoning, 2 1/2 years ago….
“I think when you go through tragedy in your life, it is meant to be shared, because someone else may need to hear it. Two 1/2 years into our journey of loss, my heart is grateful for my loving family and for the group of girlfriends I met 25 years ago. I have the opportunity to now help others who have lost people they loved.”
From my friend Donna, whose son spent the first two months of his life in the NICU…
“I am thankful that my sons arrival (early though it was) was clearly perfect timing, because doctors have since informed us that Ben absolutely would not have survived another 24 hours in utero.”
From a fellow AMB contributor, who lost her husband in a car accident…
“I am thankful for the life we had, for the trips we took, for the times we spent our last dollars on a day trip or delicious meal, for the hours we spent snuggled in bed watching cartoons with our boys (when we should have been doing chores or something ‘productive’), for every single moment we had together. And I am more committed than ever to take a make every moment count.”
May all of us, like each of these women, look for things we can be glad for. Instead of allowing life to knock us down, instead may we embrace the way in which our character is being shaped, and may we be thankful in EVERY circumstance!
So beautifully written! And so true. I always try to think of the circle of control– my feelings are within my circle of control but circumstances are not and it’s important to remember that.
Dear Hayley,
Thank you for writing this. I feel what you are saying. It is my daily struggle to find things that I am thankful for in spite of the hardships that life makes us endure.