50 Very Valid Reasons My Toddler Cried Today

Wow! Let’s talk about toddlers… because I know we don’t talk about them enough 😉  But just WOW… Personally, I have one verbal toddler and one ‘baby toddler’ that doesn’t talk yet (throws tantrums but no words). What can I say my children have always been developmentally advanced when it comes to tantrums. And by that I mean they have each flailed their bodies completely to the floor continuously head butting the hardwood months before they had the capacity to walk or talk. I must be #doingsomethingright over here. Ammiright?

So in my former life (well my life up until a year ago), I was a social worker. But as my toddler throws fit after fit over ridiculousness, I keep finding myself laughing at her, which is sooo not empathetic or social-work-y. Like, I KNOW, WHY my daughter is illogical. I get her brain isn’t fully developed yet, and that the good ole frontal lobe won’t start functioning properly for about twenty more years (Seriously! Can I get a yikes to the teenage years friends!) And I can empathize like a BOSS when it’s someone else’s child or my client. But my kid? I’m sorry y’all, but confession time… I LAUGH! (Because if I wasn’t laughing, I would be crying!)

Truth be told I’ve been utilizing a bit of survival humor to get me through this insanity that is toddlerhood. About 50% of my conversations with my toddler end in complete meltdown, even when I think things are going really well. And I cannot ever seem to predict how, why, or when, I am going to majorly piss her off. It seems so mind-boggling to me, but after consulting with my fellow mom bloggers some patterns seemed to emerge. In true scientific fashion I have deduced that toddlers are very specific tiny people, and if these very particular demands are not met, you are IN for it friend.  I will say I was shocked (and relieved) I wasn’t the only mom held captive by a sippy cup or a prematurely flushed toilet. So without further ado, take a quick look at the hilariously ridiculous reasons my (and my friend’s ) toddlers have cried today. I hope you can enjoy a quick chuckle at their (and our) expense.  And I thereby give us all permission to relax and laugh about it ‘just a little bit’, so we are better able to empathize when we really need to.

50 VERY “Valid” Reasons our Toddlers Cried Today:

1. Because I only let her strangle wrestle her little brother for 5 minutes, as opposed to infinity minutes
2. Because while strangle wrestling her brother he touched her
3. Because the “kitty cat short pink cup” is only used for diet ginger ale (don’t judge long story as to why in the world my toddler is drinking diet ginger ale ever)
4. Because the tall orange lion cup is only used for almond milk (not the tall kitty cup)
5. Because the milk was heated to 35, not 32 seconds
6. Because the milk was heated to 28, not 32 seconds
7. Because she doesn’t want water!
8. Because her brother just stole the water that she doesn’t want!
9. Because she was not fed a hamburger for breakfast and she wants a hamburger!
10. Because she was fed a hamburger for lunch and she doesn’t want a hamburger!
11. Because I forgot to let him flush the toilet.
12. Because I made him wash his hands.
13. Because I took the soap away from him after washing his hands.
14. Because his sandwich was cut into triangles and not squares
15. Because she doesn’t want to look cute
16. Because her jacket looks cute
17. Because her jacket is puffy
18. Because I left a light on
19. Because we wouldn’t let him chew on a flip-flop
20. Because I wouldn’t let him go play in the sleet barefoot
21. Because he had to take a bath when he didn’t EVEN go to preschool
22. Because I flushed the toilet
23. Because I didn’t let her count my poop
24. Because I served snack on a plate instead of the bowl
25. Because I served soup in a bowl and not a plate
26. Because I wouldn’t let him pull my eyebrow hairs
27. Because I wouldn’t let him pick my nose
28. Because I added more cereal to her bowl
29. Because I added too many pretzels to the bowl
30. Because after adding too many pretzels, I removed half (as requested) and then there weren’t enough pretzels
31. Because I chose the wrong spoon/knife/fork/cup/plate/etc.
32. Because I wouldn’t bring the bathtub, aka permanent fixture, to the bottom of the stairs to bathe him
33. Because I wouldn’t let him dip my breakfast in my coffee
34. Because I wouldn’t let him sleep with a bagel
35. Because she wanted the feet cut out of her footy pajamas
36. Because the feet were cut out of the footy pajamas
37. Because I wouldn’t turn on the Roomba
38. Because I turned on the Roomba
39. Because I served his baby brother peas.
40. Because I washed the blanket he peed on.
41. Because I sat in the wrong spot.
42. Because she wants to wear a tutu.
43. Because the tutu is the devil and must come off immediately.
44. Because I try to take the tutu off.
45. Because he has to wear clothes (not jacket just clothes) outside when it is below 50 degrees.
46. Because a band-aid, not amputation, was offered to cure the ‘life-threatening’ superficial scrape
47. Because I wouldn’t let her wake up brother.
48. Because brother is now awake from preceding crying over wanting to wake up brother.
49. Because dog food is not dinner son.
50. Because THEY ARE AWAKE.

So if you are feeling a little loopy from all this crazy-making lately, just know you are not alone mamma! Toddlers: They are freaking adorable, sweet and hilarious… But dang… They kinda crazy too!