Hello, fellow Central Texas moms, mommies and mamas!
I’m Carissa, a divorced lesbian mom. I started with that description not because it defines me, but because I have learned to love and embrace who I am and how I am might be less than “traditional.” At times, it makes me feel a bit on the fringes in the community, but I am working on that. I realize that in this case feeling different is mostly self-imposed. At the end of the day, we are all women and mothers (likely exhausted and overwhelmed) just trying to do our very best for our people.
So, let me tell you about my mommyhood. I am one of two mothers to a confident, talkative, earnest 7-year old boy named Cameron and an independent, fiery, creative 4-year-old girl named Sloane. #CamtheMan and #SloaneyBaloney, as I refer to them on social media, challenge and amaze me every single day. I want to be like them when I grow up.
I always knew that I was going to be a mother, even when the idea of making a life and a family with another woman seemed terrifying and impossible. Growing up, two-mother or two-father families were not the norm. They did not exist in my world. Thankfully, times have changed. Being a mother is a crazy/wonderful ride I am so grateful to experience. I try never to take it for granted, especially knowing it was not always possible for gay couples.
Originally from San Antonio, I moved to Austin in the late 90s to attend UT and of course, fell madly in love. My hometown is very special to me, but in Austin, I found my home – progressive, dynamic, awesomely weird. After college, law school and work took me to New Orleans and then Washington D.C. I adore both cities, but Austin kept calling me. In 2011, shortly after Cameron became the boss, I convinced my ex-wife to leave D.C. and move here. I yearned to raise my children in Texas. I wanted (and needed) to be closer to family. I am forever grateful that my ex agreed to uproot her life and leave the East Coast for my beloved Lone Star State.
Seven years and one Sloaney later, I am pushing 40 and either it hasn’t really hit me or I really don’t mind it. I am going with the latter for mental health purposes. Here I am, almost 40. Divorced. Dating another divorced mother. Working full-time. All while I am trying to raise good little humans who will hopefully grow up to be good big humans. I am a licensed attorney and practiced for most of my career. I recently transitioned into a new role out of the private sector and into state government. The corporate America work-life “balance” was no longer working for my family or me. I still work more than I’d like, I still wish I had the kind of schedule that allowed me to pick up my 1st-grader when the bell rings, but I try to focus on the fact that I am blessed with a career that has allowed me to make it on my own.
Divorce was something my ex-wife and I mutually agreed on and, for the most part, it has been an amicable experience. No matter what happened or happens between the two of us, we both know and appreciate that we are still a family; the kids are our priority. Our brand of co-parenting is often unconventional, but it works for us. Our children are thriving.
It has been almost two years and I am still adjusting to the time apart from Cameron and Sloane. We split custody 50/50, so that means I have a lot of time on my own. I will admit that it is nice to have so much “free time,” but my heart aches to be with them when we are apart. I hate missing out on their experiences, however big or small. Nevertheless, this is my normal now and I am newly resolved to giving myself more attention.
I am learning to focus more on my health and development. I am trying to challenge myself, an example being my interest in contributing to the Austin Moms Blog. As a high school senior, my classmates voted me “Most Likely to Host Her Own HBO Comedy Special.” Although I have yet to achieve that lofty goal (watch out, Ellen!), I do hope to bring a fair dose of humor and authenticity to the blog. I am excited and thankful for the opportunity to share my perspective with this community!
