I’m going to be honest. There is no secret formula or quiz that will give you the correct number of kids you should have.
I can share with you the reasons that we’re using to help us and hope that it helps you and your significant other decide how many kids can fit in your heart and home.
Growing up I knew that I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to watch as my little ones grew, learned, and experienced life with me and my husband to help guide them. I never stopped to think about what he would want. It just didn’t occur to me that he may not even want children or would want more or less children than me. After being married for a few months we simultaneously brought up the idea of children.
“Well, I want three,” I told him.
“I think I could only handle one.” He said.
I was thrown for a loop. We talked through it more and compromised. We would have one kid and then decide if we could handle more. Our daughter was born and for weeks all I thought about how perfect she was and how fulfilling it felt to have our little family of three. It wasn’t until I started sorting through Madi’s outgrown onesies that the thought of a sibling popped back into my head.
“Why are you keeping these clothes?” my husband asked.
“For the next one,” I said simply. This led to another long conversation that we broke down into two categories.
Our reasons for not having another kiddo:
While it’s hard to base child-rearing decisions on finances it is a reality that some families face. Could we really handle that expensive hospital bill again? Then there’s the baby equipment. We are trying to live a minimalist life so we’ve donated or sold most the items Madi used during those first few months. There was also the fact that we’re living on one income with a mortgage and three pups who also need medical attention yearly. Could we really feed another mouth, clothe another body, and provide experiences to another person?
Every parent wants to give their kid experiences that they did not have growing up. We want to ensure that Madi sees the world. She should travel to Europe, Asia, Mexico, beautiful islands, and explore all 50 states. We want her to experience and learn from other cultures that differ from ours. We also want to be right there with her growing and learning. If we stayed a family of three this would be easier to do while living within our means. We also have to consider any activities that Madi would want to partake in like dance classes, gymnastics, swimming, soccer, music classes, the list can go on and on. We would hate to have to deny her the chance to do something she is passionate about.
While I loved being pregnant there were times where I was legitimately scared. Especially when I was placed on bed rest. Pregnancy itself is beautiful, but there is always a nagging fear at the back of your mind that something could go wrong.
There’s also the crazy fear that I won’t be able to love two children as completely as I love Madi. She has truly stolen my heart and keeps it in the palm of her chubby little hand. How could I love another as much as I love her? Would it be fair to her or to her sister/brother to have to share mommy’s heart?
Our reasons for wanting another kiddo:
I love my brother and sister more than I can put into words. Being their older sister has been such a privilege and joy that I’d hate to deprive Madi of the same. With her sunny and happy disposition, I know she would make an amazing sister. I’d also like for her to have someone can share secrets with, experience life with, and rely on besides her parents. It would be lovely to see a little one giving chase to their older sister throughout the house with the dogs at their heels.
Baby Fever & Love
Let’s be honest babies are cute, cuddly, and smell so, so sweet. I miss the days of holding a non-squirmy baby. I miss staring at a tiny face as they sleep in my arms. The thought of meeting a new and shiny person whose personality will blossom before my eyes takes my breath away.
After discussing everything at length we agreed to table the decision as to whether or not to have another baby until after Madi turned four. We hope to have our finances where we want them in 3 years. We also would have given Madi the benefit of being an only child for a little while. I’d like to think that we would add another tiny human into our home, lives, and heart, but I know that even if we don’t, our family will still be perfect because it’s ours and no one else’s.