“Let Me Do It!”: The Importance Of Patience When You Have An Independent Toddler
Nothing is more annoying to me than when my two and a half year old says “Mommy I do it!” or “Mommy I help!” I know, I sound crazy. Who wouldn’t love to have a toddler that wants to do things on their own or help with chores? The problem is, he’s only two, so any “help” he gives isn’t exactly help.
A Battle of the Wills
Often times my helping toddler ends up creating more work for mom when he inevitably makes some kind of mess. Or we end up late to EVERYTHING because he takes 10 minutes to do the most mundane of tasks like brushing his teeth, or putting on his shoes. Laundry with a helping toddler can take FOREVER.
Lately however, I’m trying a new tactic.
Instead of automatically being frustrated and shooing him away while completing tasks, I take the time to show him how to do them correctly.
Yes, it takes a lot of time and it definitely tries my patience, but so far I’m seeing some positive results.
Trying a new tactic
The other day, I was trying to get laundry done. I had several loads to do since I had fallen behind and was trying to get them done quickly because we were heading out of town. My son walked into the laundry room and immediately said “I help!” I quickly said “No Ollie, let mama do it.” He then yelled “Mama I help!” I don’t know why, but I gave up fighting him that day. I let out a long sigh and said “Okay, fine Ollie. You can help mama.”
I got down to his level and let him throw clothes into the washer, then I let him dump the detergent and softener in. I let him slam the door shut and pointed to the buttons for him to push. Once it started, I gave him a big high five and told him what a great job he was doing. It was such a pleasant experience that I wish I had taken the time to show him a long time ago. We even did the dryer later and by the second load, he even remembered to empty the lint trap on his own.
I started taking the patience and time with every task he wanted to help with. I let him help load and unload dishes, I let him help put dog food into bowls, I let him buckle himself into his car seat.
The list goes on. What I’m finding in these experiences is my son is actually helping now. He’s no longer just making messes for me to clean up, he really is helping!
Seeing Results
There are so many benefits of letting my son help me. For one, my son is showing excellent confidence in the things he does. He is starting to become more and more self sufficient. I’m more of an overseeing manager now instead of the only one who can complete a task which is so freeing as a mom. He is learning important life skills that will hopefully translate into his teenage years and adulthood. And most importantly he is feeling like a vital helping member of the family.
Yes, these tasks now take longer than if I would just complete them myself, but changing my mindset has helped.
I no longer go into a task with a specific time table in my head of how long it should take. I build time into our schedule to let him help.
If we have somewhere to be, I make sure we start tasks much earlier than I would if it were just me completing the task. Yes, I can load and unload dishes in 5 minutes by myself, but adding another 5 minutes isn’t that bad when I know my son is learning.
Most importantly, I have started to have fewer meltdowns from my independent toddler. I realized a lot of our meltdowns were tied to me constantly telling him no when he asked to do things and him becoming frustrated with me and me with him in return.
Letting him help makes for a happy toddler and a very happy mama. Patience is key and I remind myself of that every day.
