“Don’t You Want A Little Boy?” Playing Gender Roulette.

“So are you going to try for a boy?”

“Don’t you want a little boy?”

“You would LOVE having a little boy.”

These are just a few of the responses I receive from people, especially knowing that I have two little girls.

A couple of weeks ago, my mother-in-law told me that I should try for two more little boys…TWO. As if I had a magical potion that would make not one, but two little boys appear in my womb.

Look, I’m not going to lie, I was hoping that my second daughter was going to be a little boy. My oldest daughter even called her “baby brother-sister”, and wanted to name her Alligator. Maybe, it goes back to always thinking I was going to be a “boy mom” or having that happy balance of having both in our home. No matter what we had initially hoped for, we still won the lottery and now have two beautiful little girls.

I never thought this would be such a big deal. My mind is blown away at how many people ask us if we are going to try to have a third baby to see if we have a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to have a little boy, but I am NOT responsible for that. If there was a guarantee that my husband’s sperm would only carry the Y-chromosome, then I would consider it. Either way, with our luck, we would end up having twin girls, and people would still ask us if we want a boy!

No, it’s not that I wouldn’t enjoy having another little girl, but I’m happy with where we are. First of all, let me go over some very important information with pregnancy and I.  I am not a happy/glowing pregnant woman. I wish I was that woman that made pregnancy look easy and perfect. I was miserable.  Plus, it’s more difficult when I have other kiddos to run after. It was tough being pregnant with one very active preschooler, and to think of having another one with a kindergartner and a toddler, AND all to try for a boy? Um. No. I may just lose my mind.

I know boy moms are asked the same thing about having a little girl. I’m sure many of us have tried or hoped to have that little girl or little boy. Possibly even trying multiple “techniques” to help steer that reveal in our favor, such as using Chinese calendars, different positions, different times of the month, etc.

It’s a lot of pressure, and those questions feed my internal conflict with adding to our family, especially to see if I can give my girls a little brother.

I’ve had moments when I held my friends’ little boys, and thought how great it would be to have a little man in our lives. He would protect his sisters, while they dress him up in all sorts of crazy outfits. I know my husband sometimes thinks about the whole bond of having a little boy to carry his “legacy” (or at least not be completely outnumbered by girls). SO MANY thoughts pop into my head, and at that moment I begin to convince myself to try for the boy.

It plays with your mind sometimes. As if having a room full of girls (or boys) is not enough. I’m happy to have my two beautiful happy littles, and as of this moment, my youngest is really fighting to keep her role as the baby in our family (she’s my very assertive child).

The thing is that as I’ve gotten older, and having a family, I’ve become more realistic in terms of having children. Today, the cost of raising a child is close to $250k per child (until 18 years old). That does not include cars, college tuition, international travel, family vacations, weddings (yikes!), and so many things I’m leaving out. I may just convince my daughters to marry into a culture that the groom’s family pays for the entire wedding. Do those still exist?

Either way, there’s a lot I think about.

I don’t have an issue with people asking me if I want try to have a baby boy. I may just take a deep breath, solely because this is the millionth time I’ve been asked. More than anything, I just want them to understand the only reason I’ll add to our family is because I want another BABY, and not to play gender roulette.