I did not grow up cool. (And maybe I never became it either! 🙂 ) I had the strictest parents on the block. But now that I’m 33 and a mama of 1.5 children, I appreciate ALL the crazy rules my parents imposed on me as a child.
I am the oldest of three and the only girl, so my parent’s ways softened with time, but since I was the first to go through Hernandez boot camp, I believed EVERYTHING they said and heeded most of their requests. My younger brothers, not so much.
These are the things that put a damper on my time growing up but that I LOVE that my parents did:
- Family functions come first –I was rather involved in school. I played drums in the band, golf, softball, student council – I did all the nerdy, not cool things – so I was pretty busy. But when I wasn’t busy, my parents would deem it “family night,” and we’d bbq, or hang out with friends or family. Family night meant I couldn’t even ASK to go anywhere, because… family night. I later learned that my parents would basically schedule family nights when I didn’t have school activities. Duped.
- Kids don’t have money – My parents never gave me ANY money growing up. I never had 10 extra bucks laying around. If I needed something, they would buy it for me, but I never had possession of money. This kept me out of the fast lane. I could never chip in for beer, and I could never buy shorter skirts than my parents would allow, and I could never take a joy ride to the beach. I had no money, so I went to school and home.
- Mom and Dad are united – this was annoying as all get out, but I could never play one against the other. My parents would give me the EXACT same response. I was never Daddy’s girl or Mommy’s princess. They were 100% against me and later I realized, for me.
- The only telephones in the house were in the kitchen and in my parent’s room (and they were not cordless!!!) – When all my friends had phones in their room, some even had their own telephone lines, I had nothing. My folks told me if I couldn’t have the conversation in front of them, I shouldn’t have it. One time I snuck the phone from the kitchen to my bedroom, and when my parents caught me, they took off the door to my room. I DIDN’T HAVE A DOOR!!
- No pagers or cell phones either – too bad, so sad. Pagers were a big deal when I was growing up. Ha! All the cool kids had them, but my parents thought I would be distracted by it, and so I got my first personal cell phone some time in college.
- No boyfriends – I was not allowed to have a boyfriend. I was allowed to go on 10 or less dates in high school. I’m too old to remember now, but they were few and far between and I had to be home by 10pm. AND my mom would wait until I walked in the door to go to sleep. The no boyfriend thing really hampered my fun, but I’m so glad for it now. It kept me out of a ton of high school drama.
- Do what’s right for the kids even if it sucks for the parents – One time my parents were going on a trip to California and they were packed and on their way to the airport. I was about 16 and a family member was going to come stay with us for the weekend, but there was going to be some time that I would be alone in the house. My Dad turned to ask me if I was going to behave and respect their rules. He said, all he could see was a twinkle in my eye, like I was waiting for them to leave just to throw a party. I couldn’t keep a straight face, so he called my Mom from the driveway back inside and THEY CANCELLED THEIR TRIP. They knew I wasn’t going to do right by them, and he knew he had to stand strong. Can you believe they cancelled their trip?! (He was right, I was going to throw a party.)
- Kids have no privacy – My parents didn’t believe in privacy. My mom read my diary, went and through my things. If I spent the night at a friend’s house, they would check with my friend’s parents, or they’d make me call from my friend’s home phone! They should have gone into detective work, I got caught doing stupid stuff all the time. There was never a line I thought my parents wouldn’t cross, and it kept me on my toes.
- Proof – They always required proof. I grew up on the Mexico border and in high school it was popular to go to Mexico and drink till you puked your guts out for the affordable price of $10.00. So when I could scrounge up $10 (remember, kids have no money) I’d lie and say my friends and I were going bowling – and we’d head to Mexico. Well, my parents caught on real fast and soon they started requiring the receipt from the bowling alley! Trust, but verify.
And a few things I loved then from my parent and love now:
- I always felt wanted and welcome. There was never a time that I walked into my parent’s room, home or office that they didn’t smile and welcome me. There was never a bad time. They were never too busy or in the middle of something too important. I literally felt loved and welcomed, Every. Single. Time.
- We grew (and continue) to grow together. School was important but learning was more important and my parents always participated in debate, conversation and gave me the space to spread my wings and continue to morph as I learned new things.
I realize that my parents were just trying to keep me and my heart out of trouble, drama – the unnecessary. All the rules they imposed kept me in the slow lane and gave me so much more time to explore music, leadership positions, higher education, writing competitions and the like.
I know not all kids need as many rules, but I did. We have a 2-year-old daughter that needs rules and responds well to them, maybe her sister (who will make her debut in January) will be a little more easy going, but only time will tell.
I want our children to be children, not burdened with the dramas of life that will inevitably come, and if I have to be the strict mom on the block to get them there, then so be it.
