True Confessions from a Pumping Mom

pumping mom

When you collectively spend weeks of your life pumping breast milk for your child, there are a lot of thoughts and incidences that happen along the way. I actually saw a post the other day from a girl who had to pump while driving a combine to harvest wheat. And I personally nearly killed a laptop with breast milk. I’m sure you may have some good (and awkward) stories too.

These are just a few true confessions from a pumping mom.

  1. In the early days of around-the-clock pumping, I fell asleep… sitting up… while pumping. Woke up to milk spilling all over me.
  2. Milk is everywhere! Those white spots on my desk? Milk. On my clothes? Milk. On the floor? Milk. There’s probably some at your house too!
  3. I’ve shed actual tears over spilled milk.
  4. And I’ve actually ruined clothes over said spilled milk.
  5. I once nearly killed my work laptop, by pumping while working and leaning over too far. I had to take it apart to air dry, and the keyboard had to be replaced. Thank goodness IT didn’t asked me what exactly spilled.
  6. So many ignored work calls and knocks on the door due to pumping.
  7. My pump and dump philosophy – if you can drive, you can pump!
  8. Sometimes I finish pumping and then sit there forever playing my phone because I’m too lazy to get up and put everything away.
  9. I’ve actually been sitting here for 30 minutes working on this blog post with a no longer pumping pump attached to my chest.
  10. Every night I secretly hope my husband will walk in and offer to take my milk bottles to the fridge. I’ve even fallen asleep with these hopes only to wake up and lug myself to the kitchen.
  11. I ninja-style creep around the windows in my house from paranoia that neighbors can see me prepping to pump through the windows.
  12. Can’t even count the number of times I’ve pumped while riding front seat in the car.
  13. I pump because I want to provide my kid the best… because I have the ability to do that… and because I don’t want to pay for formula!
  14. Pumping is not necessarily free when you consider the initial investment, equipment upkeep and milk supply increase tricks.
  15. Genuinely looking forward to the day when I can just lay on the couch to watch tv before bed or better yet, can just go to bed whenever I want, all without thinking about pumping.
  16. I will literally (and have) procrastinate pumping till my bra no longer fits!
  17. I have definitely stretched the limits on pumping while travelling. Airport bathroom sesh? No, thanks.
  18. This whole personal poor pump timing/planning problem has caused a late bedtime a time or two.
  19. When I’m on trips, I pump more frequently than I do at home because I’m paranoid of public leakage.
  20. Sometimes I leverage pumping as an escape to solitude, especially if people are over.
  21. I totally use pump time as productivity time when I can.
  22. Need an excuse to leave a party? “I need to pump!”
  23. I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to “party” again until I’m sans pump.
  24. Have been the buzz-kill pumping girl on a bachelorette trip. “Hey girls, can we delay 30? I’ve gotta pump!”
  25. I once had to leave a family reunion early because I forgot a part to my pumping gear.
  26. I always travel with an extra bag. It’s the pumping backpack.
  27. I had to call the MGM Grand in Vegas and ask where I could store my breast milk. They comped me a mini fridge.
  28. Need a guilt-free excuse to eat sweets? Lactation cookies. Know what’s even better? Lactation cookie dough.
  29. I’m a little jealous of my friends who have straight formula babies.
  30. I’m also a little jealous of my husband who seems so free.
  31. No, I have not tried my own breast milk, though I have stared at it for a long time when we’re out of coffee creamer.
  32. It’s a blessing and curse to have to eat due to calories burned while pumping.
  33. I semi-despise that I can’t truly diet because it impacts my milk production. It’s complicating these last few pounds of baby weight!
  34. I’ve caught myself touching my boobs in public to see how full they were. And I’m fairly certain I caught someone catching me doing so.
  35. As annoying as pumping can be, I still prefer it over dealing with solids.
  36. I’m an exclusive pumper. Did I mention that?
  37. I actually researched exclusive pumping when I first got pregnant as it piqued my interest more than breastfeeding. Turns out, breastfeeding wasn’t a match for us.
  38. Some people say pumping is such a sacrifice, but when it comes to breast milk, I think pumping is freedom.
  39. I initially thought I was overproducer until I met folks who pump 2x-3x what I do.
  40. I only pump 3x per day and still almost meet milk intake needs for the day. If I pumped more, I’d probably make more, but I don’t love pumping that much.
  41. I finally started supplementing with formula just so I can quit pumping sooner and stretch my breast milk freezer stash til a year. Original goal – 6 months. Now – at least 10.
  42. Serious confession: My goal end date is based around a trip to Mexico. #priorities
  43. Other serious confession: I had secretly hoped my supply would dry up at 6 months.
  44. If I didn’t have so much pride, I probably would have already quit, but it’s hard to stop when your supply isn’t necessarily the problem.
  45. But not quitting is also a cheap thing because formula is expensive!
  46. To speed up pumping sessions, sometimes I have to massage my tatas.
  47. Despite months of pumping, I’m still fairly modest about it. I always use a cover around friends and family if I have to be in front of them at all.
  48. I swear my husband is now immune to boobs.
  49. The whole pumping experience is a love/hate relationship.
  50. I don’t consider myself a martyr, just a pumping mom!

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2 Responses to True Confessions from a Pumping Mom

  1. Charlotte Howard July 20, 2017 at 11:01 am #

    What a great list and I am sure this resonates with any pumping mom out there! Motherhood is an interesting thing we do all for the blessing of a child! Thanks for sharing!

  2. Alyssa October 21, 2017 at 10:35 am #

    I loved this because I relate to this so much. I was crying before I read this, because no one I know pumps or breastfeeds. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who has these thoughts. I’m going on 6 months of pumping now. Thank you for this list!

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